My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in rashes every time I give you your wages ?"

I said, "Because I am allergic to peanuts."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?

iMoral

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zak-Ive-Reddit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If fedoras got paid a living wage...

they'd wouldn't have to rely on tips

πŸ‘οΈŽ 132
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gormiti100
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
"What's your wage?" asked my friend.

I said, "It's the amount of money I make."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My dairy farmer friend is always complaining about his low wages.

To be honest, I think he’s milking it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Unpaid employees don't like non-wage jokes.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to wage footsie wars

But I don’t like the bitter taste of de-feet

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/G0415
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
When it comes to wages some people don't carrot all.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 130
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I heard they pay construction workers who build financial institutions a higher wage.

Those guys really make bank.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
An older gentleman at Walmart asked if I knew anything about whether parsley farmers got their wages garnished.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LimeRikki
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Despite waging war in Afghanistan, most Americans can't name its capital.

It's kinda hard.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tamer_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
So there was this zookeeper...

(This probably makes more sense if you're British.)

Doing his rounds one day and when he got to the bird enclosure he noticed a load of the birds had died. Unsure as to what he should do with the bodies he tossed them into the big cat exhibit.

The next day he was cleaning out the primates and noticed the lifeless figure of an ape laying on the floor... not wanting to perform a proper burial and besides- he wasn't earning much more than minimum wage anyway so he tossed it into the big cat enclosure.

On his third day the zookeeper came across his colleague who kept bees, it seems they'd got sick and a lot of the hive had perished. Not to worry, the zookeeper scooped them onto a shovel and tossed them into the big cat exhibit. It's the circle of life he thought to himself.

The next day there was a lot of excitement in the zoo. A new lioness had arrived. The lioness stalked out of the trailer...sniffed at the unfamiliar lion next to her...

"So, what's the food like in this place then?" She asked awkwardly.

"It's actually not that bad" replied the lion. "Over the past few days we've had Finch, chimps and mushy bees"

Badum tssss! Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

Yeah, for any non brits that read all that: Fish, chips and mushy peas is a classic English dish. So...yeah...that's the joke.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FananaBartman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
You notice how you don’t ever see rich owls?

They all work for an owly wage

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/melanthius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I was just voted β€œLeast Likely to Succeed” by my graduating class.

I hate being a teacher.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
How do mountains see?

They peak

πŸ‘οΈŽ 48
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MclovinCanada
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend why did he walk away from his last job.

He said that his wage was so low he couldn't afford a car.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/woyteck
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My grandfather used to circumcise elephants...

The wages weren't great but the tips were huge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GrantMC80
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the short mother only paid the smallest amount legally allowed?

Cause she was on mini-mum wage

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/M0NTEA
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Cow tipping is just an urban myth.

Farmers pay them a competitive wage.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
If a parsley farmer is sued...

does that mean they can garnish his wages? -George Carlin

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Believeinthis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 03 2012
🚨︎ report
In some parts of the world an AK-47 costs the equivalent of a chicken.

Which is a pretty good deal for those on a poultry wage.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ContainsTracesOfLies
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are zombies free labor?

They don't need a living wage.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/triggur
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Hitler invents a time machine...

It's some time in the second world war and Hitlers top scientists have built a time machine. Eager to use it, but fearing an accident, the fuhrer instead sends one of his henchman forward to 1985, hoping to gain knowledge of the future to use against his enemies.

Much to Hitlers chagrin however, the henchman quickly returns to the present with only a Casio Keyboard in hand. Breathless with excitement, he declares "Mein Fuhrer! With this device we shall wage sonic warfare on our enemies!"... He hits the demo button and the room is filled with sound.

"So... what do you think?" says the henchman.

Hitler, aghast at this otherworldly device says

"You must be mad Schultz! There's no place in this world for a Nazi Synthesizer!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tomheist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Bilingual pun: If you study in the US, then work in Germany, you can pay back your loan with your Lohn.

Lohn is German for wages.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TenNinetythree
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my Dad:

I was talking to my dad about my brothers new wage, when out of nowhere:

Dad: Β£50 a day, 3 days a week he's being paid.

Me: So he's currently earning just under Β£8000 a year?

Dad: Yes, but that's gross. ...

Me: I'd say its pretty great actually!

16 years has built up to this.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/headlesslouis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad is in Las Vegas for a work conference

He signed an email:

"Love from Lost Wages,

Dad"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/-4-8-15-16-23-42-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2015
🚨︎ report
In the car to super-bowl party

Dad: So tomorrow I am going to lost wages Me: What? Dad: Las Vegas, get it? -5 minutes later- Dad: We need to go shopping to whole paycheck Me: ? Dad: Sorry I meant whole foods, get it? cause it takes a whole paycheck to buy food there!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ShinobiX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2014
🚨︎ report
My Dad's first job...

... was circumcising elephants for the circus. The hourly wage wasn't much, but he collected some big tips.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BobT21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.