My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in rashes every time I give you your wages ?"

I said, "Because I am allergic to peanuts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?

iMoral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zak-Ive-Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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If fedoras got paid a living wage...

they'd wouldn't have to rely on tips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gormiti100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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"What's your wage?" asked my friend.

I said, "It's the amount of money I make."

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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My dairy farmer friend is always complaining about his low wages.

To be honest, I think he’s milking it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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Unpaid employees don't like non-wage jokes.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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I used to wage footsie wars

But I don’t like the bitter taste of de-feet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G0415
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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When it comes to wages some people don't carrot all.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2017
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I heard they pay construction workers who build financial institutions a higher wage.

Those guys really make bank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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An older gentleman at Walmart asked if I knew anything about whether parsley farmers got their wages garnished.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LimeRikki
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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Despite waging war in Afghanistan, most Americans can't name its capital.

It's kinda hard.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tamer_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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So there was this zookeeper...

(This probably makes more sense if you're British.)

Doing his rounds one day and when he got to the bird enclosure he noticed a load of the birds had died. Unsure as to what he should do with the bodies he tossed them into the big cat exhibit.

The next day he was cleaning out the primates and noticed the lifeless figure of an ape laying on the floor... not wanting to perform a proper burial and besides- he wasn't earning much more than minimum wage anyway so he tossed it into the big cat enclosure.

On his third day the zookeeper came across his colleague who kept bees, it seems they'd got sick and a lot of the hive had perished. Not to worry, the zookeeper scooped them onto a shovel and tossed them into the big cat exhibit. It's the circle of life he thought to himself.

The next day there was a lot of excitement in the zoo. A new lioness had arrived. The lioness stalked out of the trailer...sniffed at the unfamiliar lion next to her...

"So, what's the food like in this place then?" She asked awkwardly.

"It's actually not that bad" replied the lion. "Over the past few days we've had Finch, chimps and mushy bees"

Badum tssss! Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

Yeah, for any non brits that read all that: Fish, chips and mushy peas is a classic English dish. So...yeah...that's the joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FananaBartman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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You notice how you don’t ever see rich owls?

They all work for an owly wage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/melanthius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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I was just voted β€œLeast Likely to Succeed” by my graduating class.

I hate being a teacher.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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How do mountains see?

They peak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MclovinCanada
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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I asked my friend why did he walk away from his last job.

He said that his wage was so low he couldn't afford a car.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woyteck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
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My grandfather used to circumcise elephants...

The wages weren't great but the tips were huge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrantMC80
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Why was the short mother only paid the smallest amount legally allowed?

Cause she was on mini-mum wage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0NTEA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Cow tipping is just an urban myth.

Farmers pay them a competitive wage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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If a parsley farmer is sued...

does that mean they can garnish his wages? -George Carlin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Believeinthis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2012
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In some parts of the world an AK-47 costs the equivalent of a chicken.

Which is a pretty good deal for those on a poultry wage.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Why are zombies free labor?

They don't need a living wage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/triggur
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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Hitler invents a time machine...

It's some time in the second world war and Hitlers top scientists have built a time machine. Eager to use it, but fearing an accident, the fuhrer instead sends one of his henchman forward to 1985, hoping to gain knowledge of the future to use against his enemies.

Much to Hitlers chagrin however, the henchman quickly returns to the present with only a Casio Keyboard in hand. Breathless with excitement, he declares "Mein Fuhrer! With this device we shall wage sonic warfare on our enemies!"... He hits the demo button and the room is filled with sound.

"So... what do you think?" says the henchman.

Hitler, aghast at this otherworldly device says

"You must be mad Schultz! There's no place in this world for a Nazi Synthesizer!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomheist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
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Bilingual pun: If you study in the US, then work in Germany, you can pay back your loan with your Lohn.

Lohn is German for wages.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TenNinetythree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2015
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Dad-joked my Dad:

I was talking to my dad about my brothers new wage, when out of nowhere:

Dad: Β£50 a day, 3 days a week he's being paid.

Me: So he's currently earning just under Β£8000 a year?

Dad: Yes, but that's gross. ...

Me: I'd say its pretty great actually!

16 years has built up to this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/headlesslouis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
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My dad is in Las Vegas for a work conference

He signed an email:

"Love from Lost Wages,

Dad"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-4-8-15-16-23-42-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
🚨︎ report
In the car to super-bowl party

Dad: So tomorrow I am going to lost wages Me: What? Dad: Las Vegas, get it? -5 minutes later- Dad: We need to go shopping to whole paycheck Me: ? Dad: Sorry I meant whole foods, get it? cause it takes a whole paycheck to buy food there!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShinobiX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
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My Dad's first job...

... was circumcising elephants for the circus. The hourly wage wasn't much, but he collected some big tips.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobT21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
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