What do you call the love between two people that never engage in sexual activity and love eating a lot?
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︎ Sep 04 2020
What would you call your knee if it engages in a rap battle? Disney
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︎ Apr 26 2020
If Ben and Jerry broke up would they engage in a custardy battle?
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︎ Jul 23 2019
Why is it always risky to engage in intercourse with a Scandanavian?
Only a third of them know how to Finnish
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︎ Oct 03 2019
Trying to find motivation and engage with research of what motivated people in the post-Bronze Age to engage in building double-storey dwellings...
Irony on two many levels.
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︎ Aug 01 2019
What do you call a scam where folks who engage in wordplay invite others to engage in wordplay, and folks who were there longer get credit for what the newer folks come up with?
That would be a punzi scheme.
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︎ Apr 09 2018
Has anyone been to Engagement, Ohio ?
It's a little place between Dayton and Marion.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
So the house cats went to the tigers engagement party.
The tigers were having a great time, roaring, baring teeth and in general having a great time. The cats were sitting quietly off to the side. The tigers asked the cats, βWhy so quiet ? Donβt you like to have some boisterous fun ?β The cats replied, βOh yes, we used to be tigers too. Until we got married.β
PS. (This sounded way better when my friend told me in the original Malayalam language slang poocha-pulee)
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
My buddy said he bought an engagement ring for his girlfriend that is too big.
"That's harsh," I told him, "I think she has a great body."
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︎ Sep 10 2020
What do spiders do after getting engaged?
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︎ Jul 01 2020
My girlfriend played golf with her friend. She lost the engagement ring I bought her in the tall grass by the fairway...
It was a diamond in the rough.
Credit (not quite the same): Frank and Ernest by Thaves for May 02, 2020
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︎ May 02 2020
Feel free to help punctuate.
Guess who I ran into at the White House restaurant today Donald Duck He was engaging the cashier who was asking for a tip
Do you know what he says
Put it on my bill
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︎ Jan 07 2021
The engagement ring is purrfect π
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︎ Jan 03 2020
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage:
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
And suffering...
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Engagement
What comes before a shotgun marriage?
En-gauge-ment
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︎ Oct 30 2019
I put LEDs on her engagement ring
Her face lit up when I proposed
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︎ Oct 17 2019
My trainer asked if Iβm engaging my abs when I use the ab roller. I told him theyβre not engaged, theyβre single
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︎ Aug 29 2019
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
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︎ Oct 23 2019
I made this cake for my stats teacher who got engaged. Our class is confident the marriage will be for a lifelong interval.
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︎ Mar 24 2019
Why is my daughter engaged to someone from Finland?
Because nice Finnish guys last
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︎ Jun 25 2019
Why did miss piggie break off their engagement?
She was afraid of kermitment
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︎ Feb 04 2019
Buying an engagement ring with my dad
Getting ready to leave he says:
"Do you have a picture of the ring you want?"
Me:"Ya, right here on my phone."
Dad:"Some guy you are, buying her a phony ring."
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︎ May 05 2016
What did jay z call his wife before they while they were engaged?
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︎ Aug 25 2019
When Archie's fiancee put her engagement ring near her ear, she could faintly hear guitars, maracas, and soothing Spanish vocals.
It was a marry Archie band.
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︎ Jun 15 2019
Did you hear about the new town Engagement Ohio?
Itβs going right in between Dayton and Marion.
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︎ Mar 19 2018
Dad had to mess with one of my Sister's props for her engagement photos.
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︎ Oct 12 2013
Daddy! Peter and I are engaged!!
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︎ Apr 18 2018
My daughter told me she was engaged at the age of 18.
Me: βWell that seems like a blind doe.β
Her: βA what? A blind doe?β
Me: βYep. Thatβs a bad-eye deer.β
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︎ May 02 2018
I'm 28 and engaged but no kids yet. I feel the dad within me.
Today, I went out to lunch with some fellas from my office, Dave and Mike.
We all opted for the "beer and sandwich deal": any beer < $6 and any sandwich from the lunch menu for $10. Can't beat that in Hoboken, NJ.
One of my coworkers ordered a Sam Adams something-or-other and our bouncy little waitress pranced off to fetch our beverages. When the waitress returned with our potables she placed a beer, amber in color, 1/2" or so foamy head, in front of my coworker and said:
"Sam?"
To which I immediately announced "No, that's Dave."
Laughs were had all around. I cringed at myself but I couldn't help it.
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︎ Mar 14 2014
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︎ Aug 27 2018
This morning I confessed I was engaged in a cover up
I was putting on my pants, I explained. I was covering up my legs.
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︎ Sep 28 2018
What did congress do when it found out multiple senators were engaging in BDSM activities?
They formed a subcommittee.
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︎ Jun 28 2018
When Jay-Z got engaged to his wife, what did he call her?
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︎ Jun 07 2016
W was mad at V for getting engaged to Z
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︎ Jul 24 2018
You're engaged?! Congratulations! Do you have a date yet??
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︎ Apr 19 2018
An engaged couple on the beach
An engaged couple was walking along the beach. The woman looked down and discovered her fiance was missing some of his toes. She stopped and said "I'm sorry, I can't marry you" When the man asked why she said, "I'm lactose intolerant"
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︎ Feb 08 2018
I like the sound of βfiancΓ©β
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︎ Jun 20 2019
Got engaged last weekend.
Me, on speakerphone with both my parents: "So, Rob just proposed..."
Dad:"To do what?"
Me: "...."
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︎ Feb 26 2014
So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCW. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed.... Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me.
I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...
So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the bar. When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.
She smiled at me and said, "That's a shame, you really caught my eye."
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︎ Dec 05 2019
Have you ever been to Engagement, Ohio?
Itβs halfway between Dayton and Marion.
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Do you know where Engagement, Ohio is?
It's between Dayton and Marion, Ohio!
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︎ Jul 16 2019
Do you know where Engagement Ohio is?
Between Dayton and Marion.
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︎ May 17 2019
Do you know where Engagement, Ohio is?
Itβs between Dayton and Marion, Ohio!
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︎ Jul 11 2018
Do you know where Engagement, Ohio is?
Itβs right between Dayton and Marion!
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︎ Apr 06 2018
Marriage
Marriage is a 3 ring circus, fist comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, after that comes the suffering.
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︎ Jul 21 2020
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