Lego made the lock lego
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/indisgice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out of your house just talk to the lock.

Communication is key...

πŸ‘︎ 253
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a prostitute who locks her customers in the basement!?

A Whoarder!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourAnimateJonnyV
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Knowing how to pick locks...

Has really opened a lot of doors for me.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My Italian friend always locks himself out of the house...

He has gnocchi

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vasapalooza
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been stuck in lock down so long I've started writing myself letters

Dear, me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFr1nk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Dwayne "the Lock" Johnson
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peepeebigg
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Take A Lock At This Will Ya!
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CookieDough-234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Petition to lock this sub once a week

Because there's no post on Sunday

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dombledog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A couple of years ago I learned how to lock pick and it's opened up so many doors for me.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaredLiwet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Just fitted a new door lock

As I'm a key worker

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneTwoOneSix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I was testing a lock which opens with a fingerprint, and trying to see how many fingerprints I could store. I've been able to store 10 fingerprints without issue

Because that's all I had on hand.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyStRm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you break into a cold lock?

With an ice pick.πŸ˜€

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/19chevy79
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad is always embarrassed about cutting himself while getting rid of his beard, so he locks himself in the bathroom...

I guess he’s just trying to shave face…

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A lady accidentally locks herself out of her car and begins to panic.

A passing soldier notices this, walks over and rolls his pants across the car. Magically, the car unlocks. The woman is relieved but puzzled, asking him how he did it.

"That's easy. These are khakis."

πŸ‘︎ 644
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electricalalarm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Grampas has those puns on lock. Xpost
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealMsDeek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
ONE OF MY KIDS BROKE MY CAPS LOCK KEY.

I’M NOT UPSET, BUT DON’T KNOW HOW TO SHOW IT.

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
CAPS LOCK
πŸ‘︎ 375
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DuckEE-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I just saw your math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I bet he must be plotting something.

u/UsedFloorMatt

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Etheranad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says β€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist β€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says β€œOh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordoflethargy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Lock and load
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musical-Comic-69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Am glad that my potato pasta didn’t have a lock on it

Cause there is Gnocchi to open it

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeydaanTheDragon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
While my wife and I were dating in high school we were at this church lock in. I said, β€œCan’t wait till we get outta here and I can plant one on ya” she said, β€œWhat kinda flower”

No hesitation I say, β€œTulips”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vHRenegade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do the best baseball players never lock their doors?

Because they’re always safe at home

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunniexdayzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you lose a lock?

Bad lock

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrewy211
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
When I used to be a wrestler, I would get a guy in a head lock and write my name on their forehead.

It was my signature move.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
If you see a chick changing out the locks or cleaning out the pool at an apartment complex, NEVER give her a joint.

Nobody like high maintenance women.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate4761
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you lock up a ballerina?

You provide enough evidance.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreasyHugs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can't you lock your door when it is ajar?

Because it's not a door if it's a jar.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brassgiraffe0219
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
So I've been worried about this malicious software that locks my computer onto an online bowler's website...

But I guess I'm not the only one worried about the E-Bowler virus

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumanAtlas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the edgy teenager lock himself in the freezer ?

He thought it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RottenMind62
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
When a musician gets a new lock installed on their front door...

... Is that a key change?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h2g2_researcher
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I found a book about locks...

But I just couldn't get into it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomActsFL
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock?

A Nokia

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxZenythxX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the zookeeper lock baguettes into a cage?

So that they would be bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abunchofcliches
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do Castle doors have their locks so far above the ground?

Because of the higher-key

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out of the house, just talk to the lock.

Communication is key.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out of your home, sit down and talk to the lock calmly

Because communication is key

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever lock yourself out of your house, just talk to the lock calmly.

Because communication is key.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DGNOLA12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the local locksmiths were closed...

I thought they were key workers?

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to you lock calmly because

Communication is key

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OMEN786
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If your ever get locked outside of your house just talk to your door lock.

Because communication is key.

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youessbee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CharlieMcGeeFan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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