Traveling with my nine year old, and he observed that our gate in Hartford was A6, and our gate in Baltimore is B6. I respond that it's raining so hard we'll take a boat home...

...then we'll be C6.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunstoned1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œWhat would you do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œI’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
You can tell how people feel about your jokes by how they treat your gate.

If they leave it alone, they like your jokes. If they steal it, they've taken a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MakeMeADonut
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œYou need a baby gate? Alright, I got one white one and two blacks, which do you want?”

β€œDad, you can’t say β€˜blacks’ someone might take offense!” β€œ...It’s not a fence, it’s a gate.” Not his best thanksgiving day dad joke, but definitely not expected in the moment πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you break down the gates to the Cookie Castle?

With a batter-ing ram to do it all at once, or you can chocolate chip away at it for a long time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hornwalker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a man on my street today stealing a gate

I didn't say anything in case he took a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sticklemac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are there gates around the cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SexWithShrek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
So if you get knighted by Bill Gates

Does that make you an edge lord?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CeMaRiS1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.

My wife said, β€œWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?”

Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

πŸ‘︎ 427
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw Bill Gates at the airport today
πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recursivelybetter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I wonder how Bill Gates gets Windows. Does he get it free? Or does Microsoft Bill Gates?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00Turag
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I dont understand why so many people are mad at Bill Gates

he basically invented PC.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gestrn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Donald Trump’s wall....

On the condition he gets to install windowsπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beastieboys1987
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
We should all thank Bill Gates during Covid-19...

Imagine how boring quarantine would be if he hadn't invented Windows.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BBQ_Cake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a guy going around stealing gates.

I can't say who it is as they may take a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pompeyboy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Baby Gates
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
We went to a national park yesterday and they told us at the gate that there's no drug or alcohol in the park

I told them that it was ok, we brought our own.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mesoposty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when you see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy β€œElon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch
πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuIius_Seizure95
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A gate hand-le
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sci_si
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone stole my gate

I didn’t say anything because he might take a fence

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjh367
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Why do you think you have the Corona virus, Mr. Gates?

Bill Gates: I feel like a million dollars.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
At the pearly gates, Saint Peter asks new arrivals what they did for a living...

The first person says β€œI was a doctor, I saved lives.” St. Peter lets him in.

The second person says β€œI was a teacher, I educated and inspired hundreds of children”. St Peter lets him in.

The third says β€œI was a musician, I brought joy and beautiful music to many people.”

St. Peter says β€œok, but you’ll have to go around back and come in through the kitchen.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates is clapping slowly.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stephansbrick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Wow, I lived during the time Bill Gates was alive

I can't wait to tell that to people a thousand years from now!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mawire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are there gates around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DapperWizard416
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...

...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theposshow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
No one was Garden the front gate
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue-Mage913
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cute gate

Adoorable

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0LORD-VADER0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are always dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My mortician friend had to put gates up all around his mortuary...

People were dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
So 3 nuns die and go to Heaven and are at the pearly gates...

After dying in a fatal car crash, 3 nuns end up at the pearly gates and the saint there tells them "Since you're so pure of heart and free of sin you can all go into the Kingdom of Heaven if you answer 3 questions. I'm going to ask you one question each."

The saint turns to the first nun and asks: "Who were the first two humans God created?"

She says: "Adam and Eve!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the second nun and asks: "What was the one thing Adam and Eve were told not to do in the Garden of Eden?"

She says: "They weren't allowed to eat the fruit of knowledge!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the last nun - the mother superior - and says "Since you're the mother superior my last question is going to be difficult to answer, but if you answer correctly you can get into Heaven. So my question for you is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they realized they were naked?"

Now she has to think a little and as she thinks she's close to conceding, utte

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 281
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thora-suan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do graveyards have gates?

Because people are dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
[Dad Joke courtesy of Stephen King] The big moron and the little moron were standing on the Golden Gate bridge. The big moron fell off. Why didn't the little moron fall off too?

Because the little moron was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysteryOrange7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MosYEETo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there gates to heaven and hell?

Because people are dying to get in

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Midget-boi2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Some people believe that the creator of Minecraft is Bill Gates.

Well, he's Notch.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carapuceau
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m so excited that my wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when we see it?”

Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

πŸ‘︎ 402
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
His mouth may fall... a-gate.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cpauli11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are always dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are always dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are always dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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