Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.

My wife said, β€œWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?”

Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

πŸ‘︎ 430
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
I saw Bill Gates at the airport today
πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/recursivelybetter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Donald Trump’s wall....

On the condition he gets to install windowsπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beastieboys1987
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
I dont understand why so many people are mad at Bill Gates

he basically invented PC.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gestrn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
There's a guy going around stealing gates.

I can't say who it is as they may take a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pompeyboy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
We went to a national park yesterday and they told us at the gate that there's no drug or alcohol in the park

I told them that it was ok, we brought our own.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mesoposty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
We should all thank Bill Gates during Covid-19...

Imagine how boring quarantine would be if he hadn't invented Windows.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BBQ_Cake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
Baby Gates
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Why do you think you have the Corona virus, Mr. Gates?

Bill Gates: I feel like a million dollars.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
A gate hand-le
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sci_si
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
At the pearly gates, Saint Peter asks new arrivals what they did for a living...

The first person says β€œI was a doctor, I saved lives.” St. Peter lets him in.

The second person says β€œI was a teacher, I educated and inspired hundreds of children”. St Peter lets him in.

The third says β€œI was a musician, I brought joy and beautiful music to many people.”

St. Peter says β€œok, but you’ll have to go around back and come in through the kitchen.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Someone stole my gate

I didn’t say anything because he might take a fence

πŸ‘︎ 200
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjh367
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there gates around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DapperWizard416
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Wow, I lived during the time Bill Gates was alive

I can't wait to tell that to people a thousand years from now!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mawire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates is clapping slowly.
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stephansbrick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when you see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy β€œElon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch
πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JuIius_Seizure95
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...

...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theposshow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My mortician friend had to put gates up all around his mortuary...

People were dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are always dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do graveyards have gates?

Because people are dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cute gate

Adoorable

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0LORD-VADER0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
No one was Garden the front gate
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue-Mage913
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
[Dad Joke courtesy of Stephen King] The big moron and the little moron were standing on the Golden Gate bridge. The big moron fell off. Why didn't the little moron fall off too?

Because the little moron was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MysteryOrange7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there gates to heaven and hell?

Because people are dying to get in

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Midget-boi2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Some people believe that the creator of Minecraft is Bill Gates.

Well, he's Notch.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carapuceau
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MosYEETo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
So 3 nuns die and go to Heaven and are at the pearly gates...

After dying in a fatal car crash, 3 nuns end up at the pearly gates and the saint there tells them "Since you're so pure of heart and free of sin you can all go into the Kingdom of Heaven if you answer 3 questions. I'm going to ask you one question each."

The saint turns to the first nun and asks: "Who were the first two humans God created?"

She says: "Adam and Eve!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the second nun and asks: "What was the one thing Adam and Eve were told not to do in the Garden of Eden?"

She says: "They weren't allowed to eat the fruit of knowledge!"

She gets into Heaven.

The saint turns to the last nun - the mother superior - and says "Since you're the mother superior my last question is going to be difficult to answer, but if you answer correctly you can get into Heaven. So my question for you is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they realized they were naked?"

Now she has to think a little and as she thinks she's close to conceding, utte

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 282
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thora-suan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
His mouth may fall... a-gate.
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cpauli11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A door has been bullied by a gate for a while and has decided to talk to his friend the window about it...

Door: I don't know what to do...

Window: It's going to be okay, you can handle this!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deyaline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Who called it toll booths instead of bill gates?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abishiekh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m so excited that my wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when we see it?”

Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

πŸ‘︎ 405
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Bugs Bunny say when he met Bill Gates?

What's up .doc

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/datkilledme
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...

…oh wait, he does.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamingGod07770
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my youngest son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it while making car sounds. His cute antics always make me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease.

It is called Parking Son's disease.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with the Home Owner's Association about my gate. So they took it down.

I guess you could say they took offense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skididlydoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there gates around the cemetery

Because people are always dying to get in

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/worldspiney
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
The pearly gates

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.

Her: What would you do when we see it?

Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is there a gate around the cemetery?

Because everybody’s dying to get in..

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wookie_420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates: "Today I farted in an apple store and everybody was pissed.."

"Hey, its not my fault they don't have windows"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RubinKhadka
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Hope some of you get/gait/gate the joke
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a baby gate...

it was a-DOOR-able

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MinimumHoliday2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What sort of gate is hygienic?

Colgate.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
At the airport gate, they announce that all smart bags must be checked. My mom asks my dad, "What's a smart bag?"

"The opposite of a douche bag"

Thanks, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 180
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidtree
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My back gate was frozen shut today. Had to try to climb over it to get the garbage to the alley.

I somehow managed to get myself stuck up there. I’m still on the fence about it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!

Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"

"Yes you are"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sint__Maarten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gate for a really high wall?

Elongated

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFullCircleK
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Elon Musk standing between Bill and Melinda Gates?

ElonGated

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DCS3L
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Can't believe he stole my gate...

Got my whole Tafe class with this, thanks to a good setup from a mate. He says: I can't believe that guy stole your gate! The class: what the hell? Me: yeah, I was watering my front lawn, and this bloke walks up to my gate, looks at me, picks my gate up off its hinges and walked off with it! The class: what??? You didn't say anything?!! Me: no, I didn't want him to take a-fence... The class: laughs and groans of disappointment as they realize they fell for it.

πŸ‘︎ 948
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fondles_McGraw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
🚨︎ report
The metal gate at the old mansion was badly decayed...

As though it were made of "rot" iron.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates was feeling a little ill.

He turned to his wife and said, β€œHoney it’s really awful. I feel like a million dollars.”

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
[Wholesum] Euler Meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates

St. Peter: Your number's up Euler, and Isaac Newton says you have to count all the spheres in the universe before you can enter heaven. What say ye?

Euler: Sigma balls, Dick.


Sigma is used to notate summation.

Summation is the process of adding things together.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Target359
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the dad buy a gate?

Because he thought it was a-door-able.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
You don't need to explain everything to Bill. Bill Gates it. And the same is with Tommy. Hilfiger it out himself.

.

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
🚨︎ report
I was driving to work one day, when I saw a man trying to steal a gate.

I was going to stop and say something, but I was worried he might take a fence!

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hajacu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbor stole my front gate and I'm totally scared to call the cops...

Because he might take a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the don't need the golden gate bridge any longer?

Because it's already long enough

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/motoman2550
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schmidt_1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
🚨︎ report
A few days ago I made a comment that if there was a scandal at a fencing company, someone'd start calling it Gategate. Today, someone kicked my gate apart.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you piss off a gate thief?

Because they don’t take a fence

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TeamXII
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
what kind of gate stops you from scoring?

de-fence

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jnnx3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
If Elon Musk and Bill Gates were to design a rocket together

You could technically say the design was ElonGated

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
I was travelling to Australia and they asked me at the gate if I had any arrests or felonies...

I didnt know that was still a requirement to get in!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Superfist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
If Elon Musk and Bill Gates put their genes into a baby, the baby would get longer...

The baby will elongate.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethan_Roberts123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw two chavs stealing my front gate last night

I didn't say anything in case they took offence.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/davetep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I woke up last night and saw somebody stealing my neighbour's gate..

I was going to shout something at them but I didn't want them to take a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beepyboy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does Bill Gates get invited to so many parties?

People really like his company.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NicholasVillars
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Three spanish guys saw a gate

Only two of them crossed...why? On the gate was a sign that said No TRESpassing

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StiKer911
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
🚨︎ report
It costs around $7 to cross the Golden Gate Bridge, regardless of whether you're a commuter or a tourist.

It takes a toll on everybody.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/original_evanator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
🚨︎ report
You're just a biblical figure on a gate!

Noah fence.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Davester123
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2015
🚨︎ report
While waiting at the gate for my plane to board, some random dad sitting next to me had this to say:

"What seat do you have? ...oh, 19-F? Well everyone will see me in 3-D."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sultan_of_Slide
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are always dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are always dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are always dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are going on a trip to San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œ What are you going to do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are finally going to visit San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.

Her: What are you going to do when we see it?

Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report

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