Two potatoes are standing by the side of the road, how can you tell which one it the prostitute?

The one stamped Idaho!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 52
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Julitacanchita
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2021
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Just seen the police arrest a dog that was giving birth at the side of the road.

Apparently it was littering.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JenovasChild666
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2021
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Yesterday, I crossed the road, changed a lightbulb, and walked into a bar.

God, my life is a joke.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ace4Pace
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2021
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Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 139
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/A_C_Citizenz
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2021
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I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/piemamamer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2021
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Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

He was stapled to the chicken.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CirothUngol
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2021
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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, β€œWhat’s the word on the street?”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ArtosThunder
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
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So 3 roads walked into a bar

A length of freeway walked into a bar, and yelled out "I'm the meanest bit of road west of the Pesos, nobody wanna mess with me!"

Then some duplicated overpass walked into the bar. "Anybody think they're tough enough to take on this piece of transit infrastructure? Well, are ya?"

Finally a stretch of dual carriageway walked into the bar. "This bad boy is badder than all you weaklings, whaddya gonna do about it!"

As they were all glaring at each other in a Mexican standoff, some bicycle laneway walked into the bar, threw a chair out of the way and kicked over a table. "I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, baddest piece of asphalt there is! You're all soft snowflakes! Ain't anyone who has the guts to take me on!"

The first three roadways all immediately turned to the bar and started meekly sipping their drinks, trying to look inconspicuous. The bartender asked them "What's the matter, are you going to let him get away with that? Why don't you stand up to him?"

"We aren't going to mess with him", they replied, "He's a real cycle path".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SurfingSherlock
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2021
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Why did the lion cross the road?

To get to the other pride

πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2021
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How can you tell when road construction is done?

Put a fork in it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2021
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Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because you wear the wrong sock this morning

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/puzzAndpuff
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2021
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My wife told me that this middle eastern themed flea market down the road got shut down over the weekend.

Well that’s bazaar, I thought.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AFOpie
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the Luxembourgish chicken afraid to cross the road?

Because their were too many millionaires on the other side.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GiftSuperb
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2021
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Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/getyourmoneysworth
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2021
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Over heard a customer at my store say β€œOK we’re done let’s hit the road”

I butted in and said don’t do that it’ll hurt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/insanotard
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
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Why does Jesus stay on the other side of the road?

He’s afraid to get across

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/martianrome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2021
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What’s every road-worker’s favorite candy?

A pavemint.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
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2 peanuts were walking down the road....

One was assaulted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moonpies4everyone
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2021
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You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?

Washington DC.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cowslapperz
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2021
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When I see a dead vulture in the road I remember the old saying...

You are what you eat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mother_Flerken
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
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The road markings are barely visible after years of use

but there are already nuance on the way.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nicolas_watson
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the crab cross the road?

He wanted to go on another sidewalk.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the disappointed chicken cross the road

To get to the other sigh

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
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"The Road you've taken has been paved by your own decisions"

It's your own asphalt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/icemage27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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Don't blame others for the road you're on

It's your own asphalt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2021
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My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:

"Road Block"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jenniferwillow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken hadn't evolved yet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the squirrel it can be done

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Frigatedoc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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One time on a road trip we drove through Iowa and stopped at a farm around harvest time. I tried to speak to the farmer about buying some fresh corn 🌽 but he had no time for me.

β€œSorry, mister,” he said. β€œI’m up to my ears in work.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car. I bet you didn’t see that one coming!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2021
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there was jelly on the road

It was a traffic jam

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
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Son....dad where does this road go??

Dad...nowhere son, it stays right here.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OldDJ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the skeleton cross the road?

Because dogs were chasing it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/darthcactus2100
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2021
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Me: reading the β€œNo Fences” sign next to the road

My wife: none taken

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Epelep
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05 2021
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The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.

I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeteAllan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2021
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Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.

I turn to her and say β€œI bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”

Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

I don’t know, but the road was fuming!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Just saw Mark Knopfler walking down the Road...

He was carrying a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm and a cage with 2 baby birds in his hand.

I asked how much they were and he said, "I got my Monet for nothing and the Chicks for free".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I refuse to believe that my road work father was stealing from his job.

But when i got home all the signs were there.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 99
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kundan_n
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he couldn't straighten the road...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To say β€œhello” from the other side.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/burgundyhotel
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the British armadillo cross the road?

To see his flat mate.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Numb-Chuck
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2021
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why did the chicken cross the road

to get to the other side γ‚·οΈŽ

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AdWide6476
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the side of the road ...

They charged her with littering!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I changed a lightbulb, crossed a road, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 93
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the otter cross the road?

He chickened out.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Otter side.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/misfitfricky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy drop all his Scrabble letters across the road.

I had to ask him, what's the word on the street.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 102
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report

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