Two potatoes are standing by the side of the road, how can you tell which one it the prostitute?

The one stamped Idaho!

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Julitacanchita
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
Just seen the police arrest a dog that was giving birth at the side of the road.

Apparently it was littering.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JenovasChild666
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I crossed the road, changed a lightbulb, and walked into a bar.

God, my life is a joke.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ace4Pace
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_C_Citizenz
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piemamamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

He was stapled to the chicken.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CirothUngol
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, β€œWhat’s the word on the street?”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtosThunder
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
So 3 roads walked into a bar

A length of freeway walked into a bar, and yelled out "I'm the meanest bit of road west of the Pesos, nobody wanna mess with me!"

Then some duplicated overpass walked into the bar. "Anybody think they're tough enough to take on this piece of transit infrastructure? Well, are ya?"

Finally a stretch of dual carriageway walked into the bar. "This bad boy is badder than all you weaklings, whaddya gonna do about it!"

As they were all glaring at each other in a Mexican standoff, some bicycle laneway walked into the bar, threw a chair out of the way and kicked over a table. "I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, baddest piece of asphalt there is! You're all soft snowflakes! Ain't anyone who has the guts to take me on!"

The first three roadways all immediately turned to the bar and started meekly sipping their drinks, trying to look inconspicuous. The bartender asked them "What's the matter, are you going to let him get away with that? Why don't you stand up to him?"

"We aren't going to mess with him", they replied, "He's a real cycle path".

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SurfingSherlock
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Why did the lion cross the road?

To get to the other pride

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
How can you tell when road construction is done?

Put a fork in it

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because you wear the wrong sock this morning

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puzzAndpuff
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
My wife told me that this middle eastern themed flea market down the road got shut down over the weekend.

Well that’s bazaar, I thought.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFOpie
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I refuse to believe that my road work father was stealing from his job.

But when i got home all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kundan_n
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Why was the Luxembourgish chicken afraid to cross the road?

Because their were too many millionaires on the other side.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GiftSuperb
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he couldn't straighten the road...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Over heard a customer at my store say β€œOK we’re done let’s hit the road”

I butted in and said don’t do that it’ll hurt.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insanotard
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Why does Jesus stay on the other side of the road?

He’s afraid to get across

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
What’s every road-worker’s favorite candy?

A pavemint.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
2 peanuts were walking down the road....

One was assaulted.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moonpies4everyone
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?

Washington DC.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cowslapperz
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
When I see a dead vulture in the road I remember the old saying...

You are what you eat

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mother_Flerken
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
The road markings are barely visible after years of use

but there are already nuance on the way.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicolas_watson
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To say β€œhello” from the other side.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burgundyhotel
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Why did the crab cross the road?

He wanted to go on another sidewalk.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Why did the British armadillo cross the road?

To see his flat mate.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Numb-Chuck
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Why did the disappointed chicken cross the road

To get to the other sigh

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
"The Road you've taken has been paved by your own decisions"

It's your own asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on

It's your own asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:

"Road Block"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jenniferwillow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken hadn't evolved yet.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the squirrel it can be done

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frigatedoc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
why did the chicken cross the road

to get to the other side γ‚·οΈŽ

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdWide6476
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
One time on a road trip we drove through Iowa and stopped at a farm around harvest time. I tried to speak to the farmer about buying some fresh corn 🌽 but he had no time for me.

β€œSorry, mister,” he said. β€œI’m up to my ears in work.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car. I bet you didn’t see that one coming!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the side of the road ...

They charged her with littering!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
there was jelly on the road

It was a traffic jam

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Son....dad where does this road go??

Dad...nowhere son, it stays right here.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldDJ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the otter cross the road?

He chickened out.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Otter side.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
Why did the skeleton cross the road?

Because dogs were chasing it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthcactus2100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
Me: reading the β€œNo Fences” sign next to the road

My wife: none taken

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epelep
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.

I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeteAllan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy drop all his Scrabble letters across the road.

I had to ask him, what's the word on the street.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.

I turn to her and say β€œI bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”

Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

I don’t know, but the road was fuming!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
Just saw Mark Knopfler walking down the Road...

He was carrying a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm and a cage with 2 baby birds in his hand.

I asked how much they were and he said, "I got my Monet for nothing and the Chicks for free".

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I changed a lightbulb, crossed a road, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misfitfricky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report

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