I’m debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...

It’s row v. wade.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LavenderBlue_
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
What do you call a caveman that follows a winding river?

A meanderthal

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Why did the bear go to down to the river?

Just for the halibut.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ktrcoyote
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a river and a stream?

Wet

Thanks to my 9 year old daughter!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grizzlychin
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
How did the religious man cross the raging river?

He took a leap of faith!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphaboss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
How do you call a river that got castrated?

...A miss his PP.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyHeadIsALemon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
The first time Prince Charles went white water rafting, he threw up on himself when the river grew turbulent...

It was a roil-mess.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
Beware of crocs in the river
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ben-dover-1819
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Beware of crocs in the river
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ben-dover-1819
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
A truck unloaded tons of hand tools into a river...

It is now a screwed river

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
Why are small dried up river beds so cool?

Because they are ex-stream!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jovial_finn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the woman who lives next to the river?

Her name is Mrs. Ippi.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheV1p3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
What's the only river that thinks it's a stream?

Da Nile river

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/richkiller3991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted me to go skinny dipping with her in the river the divides Paris. I told her to go without me..

She must be in-Seine!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Longest river in the world.(works better aloud)

Some one said that I was in the longest river in the world. I wasn’t sure if it was true, I was in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MSB3nnett
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If I fell into the river that flows through Paris...

...am I legally in Seine?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call Indiana Jones in a Scandinavian river?

Harrison Fjord

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bocabeks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
De Nile is also the longest river in the world...
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edwardshirohige
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head.

Because it is capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 851
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Two men are on opposite sides of a river...

One man shouts two the other "How do I get to the other side of the river?"

The other man shouts back "You are on the other side!"

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?

If it were a guy we’d have to call it the Mistersippi River!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skraembows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Salmon are born in a river, swim out to sea for most of their lives, and then one day years later swim back against insurmountable odds to the very spot where they were born.

And I can’t find my car in the parking lot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was gonna make a river joke

But I dont think its current

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Two guys are on opposite sides of a river.

One yells to the other "Hey! How do I get to the other side?"

The other responds "You are on the other side!"

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Red0618
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell into a river

Baa dum tsss

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VinnyPortland
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I read that Russia opposes Israel's annexation of parts of the West Bank, well Putin can just go Crimea river
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tacojohn48
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the paraplegic who threw himself into the river while on vacation in Egypt?

The crowd told him he wouldn't be able to swim, but he was in denile.

Come to think of it, I heard about a guy in France doing the same thing, but I'm pretty sure he was inseine.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteCubeNinja
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad has a camera pointing at the river outside

He likes to keep up with current events.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WN_Todd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one beaver say to the other at the river?

Dam it

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
In which state does nile river flow?

Liquid

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikekhan7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you throw lima beans into a river?

A podcast

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elruler22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A family of beavers walk across a river. Then the dad said to the family.

Dam it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ntgrizzly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn't the hipster swim in the river?

It was too main stream

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend still refuses to admit his house is in an egyptian river!

He is living in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karlal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you do if you want to see a river?

You stream it

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0000km
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm planning a parody TV show of Stranger Things, but starring river-based forest creatures.

I'm calling it Otter Stuff.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poorloko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My mate secretly booked a cruise for me in the world's longest river.

I'm completely in the Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/traveller_i
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Parisian that got so sad when he saw Notre Dame burn, that he threw himself in the river?

He was in Seine

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oggemer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Bridge on the River KAWAII
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trchappybob
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do people retrieve the money they dropped into the river?

the river bank.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeetyboi8787
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the elephant lie down in the river?

Because Tarzan said "damnit".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FuriousStyles13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you ask the bridge that crosses New York's Hudson River between Tarrytown and Nyack if it speaks German?

Tappan Zee Deutsche?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mftheoryArts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The lake by my house was overpopulated with river otters that would bite and harass people. The local gov used explosives to fix the problem. They called it operation otter pop
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imj23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
You guys hear about the pharaoh that couldn’t believe he fell in the river

He was in da Nile

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bendy150
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a river when it starts flowing backwards?

Reverse

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vluriemcflurry
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the river say about the unintelligible man?

Its Creek to me

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4myM3M3archive
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A man on one side of a river shouts to a man standing on the other side, β€œHey, how do I get to the other side of the river?”

The other man responds, β€œYou are on the other side of the river.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Suuuuuuuure
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2016
🚨︎ report
I had an argument with my friend about what the longest river in the world was. He wouldn't believe me that the Amazon river was the second largest river.

He was in De-Nile

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A river was depressed and jumped off a cliff. After years of this occurring I asked....

Water you doing?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A glue company claimed it was environmentally friendly but was found to be dumping waste into the local river.

Their PR team is in a sticky situation.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I went swimming in a river in Paris and my friend went swimming in a river in Cairo. He said I was insane, but I told him he was in denial.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Last time I saw my ex-wife, what she said made me so mad I pushed her in the river

Q: What did she say?

A: SPLASH!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rundmcc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
If a story's climax happened over a river,

Would it be on a suspension bridge?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
The fish swims down the river until it suddenly hits a wall.

β€œDam”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/00Steven_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
One time a German tourist dove into a river to save someone's dog. When he came back, he said to the owner, "Here iz ze dog, put him in a blΓ€nket so he iz dry and warm." The owners ask him, "How do you know, are yoy a vet?" The German looks at them blankly, "Vet? Im fucking soaking!"
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpillsMcDribble
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: Truck hauling pigment collides with tour bus on bridge and both fall into river

Thankfully no lives lost, but everyone dyed

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a fish swimming down a river and hits a wall

He says Dam!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainTRAINz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the river say when it saw the beaver coming?

Well I'll be dammed

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZuccMyApps
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandpa learned to swim when his dad tossed him in the river

He said it wasn't so bad once he untied himself and got out of the gunny sack.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BurntPasture
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Rivers love the little rocks on their floor so much, they carry them everywhere they go. Riveres are incredibly sedimental
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Denye_Azadini
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend thought he could swim the longest river in the world

He was in de-Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FistOnFire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the river say to the sea?

Don't be salty.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zellfaze
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
How is a rose like a river?

They're both flowers.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My favorite Justin Timberlake song is the one about the river in Crimea
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dexemplu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Dad Beaver say to his son when the river destroyed the dam he just finished building?

"Go dam it."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a river that thinks it's not a river?

Denial

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gorod-Krovi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a liar sitting in a river?

In de nile

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDitz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
We all knew our friend was swimming in a river

But he kept saying it was lake. Well, someone's obviously in da Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Moe_Bot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm a man who doesn't call "rivers," rivers.

That's just too mainstream.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmokingJuiceBoxes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tree growing in the Indus River?

An industry.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Read a great book the other day called "The Great Yellow River"

it was written by I.P. Freely

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to thank the river?

I appreciate the sediment.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vandezuma
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
🚨︎ report
What does the transport of large river-dwelling mammals have in common with the father of modern medicine?

They're both Hippocrates.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WarrenWaters
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Where is Justin Timberlake's favorite river located?

Crimea

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterLJ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does France put all of its crazy people in the river?

Because they’re in Seine

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doge_the_dogey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
If it fell into the river it would be in Seine
πŸ‘︎ 175
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legr3c
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
🚨︎ report
What did God make after inventing the river?

A dam.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turnerzero
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Some people say there is no river in Egypt...

... it's denial

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fromITroom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I'll passionately block a river for a french female clown

I'll dam it, Madame It, damn it!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the river dog cross the road?

To get to the otter side.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/5zgood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I was going to divert the river to flood Paris...

But I didn't want to cause a Seine.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theotherpurple
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
🚨︎ report
One day my dad handed me a river stone...

... it was a pretty stone, well rounded and a smooth surface.

Dad: "This is a very special stone, you should give it to your girlfriend."

Me: "Um... OK, sure."

Dad: "Do you know what kind of stone this is?"

Me: "A river stone? No, not really..."

Dad: "They call it a 'Sex Stone'."

Me: Raises eyebrow "Oh?"

Dad: "Do you know why they call it that?"

Me: "Why?"

Dad: "Because it's just another fucking rock."

ΰ² _ΰ² 

Well, I still have it on my bookshelf, and she's now my wife, so sure.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StJimmysAddiction
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Man’s girlfriend and ex-partner jump into river to see who he’ll rescue news.com.au/world/asia/ma…
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pnit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
🚨︎ report
ATTENTION: DO NOT SWIM IN LAKES, RIVERS, POOLS OR STREAMS

It has been found these locations are contaminated with dihydrogenmonoxide, one of the deadliest compounds in the world.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did my crazy Aunt jump into the river in Paris?

I don't know if she's insane, but she's in Seine!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tysciha
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
🚨︎ report
The owner of our office space came into the office today to announce that he was going to be on holidays for the next few weeks in Paris, at a beautiful spot right on the river.

I said "I hope being so close to the river doesn't make you go InSeine..."

Surprisingly, I got a pretty good laugh considering it was my first time meeting the guy. My colleague, who is more acquainted with my antics, rolled her eyes :)

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
🚨︎ report
If you stay in the area where the longest Afican river flows into the Mediterranean, you will go crazy.

Sea Nile

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditurded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head.

Because it is capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 238
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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