Standing in a lake in Africa.

I told my friend I was standing in a lake in Africa. He exclaimed to em "no you're not, your in de-Nile!" sorry all.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dkkgaming
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
We were camping near the lake and my wife wanted to go canoeing...

She asked: "Which paddle should I take? The short wooden one, the long metal one?

I replied: "Doesn't matter, its either-oar situation"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
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I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...

It was Erie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I threw my iPhone to the lake the other thay

It is still syncing now

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thistardis
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I saw a boat out on a saltwater lake!

It was saline

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xakik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
How does a flower get a boat across the lake?

It rose.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwfabrication
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster fall in the lake?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
I live alone on a lake

It's Erie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. Even the walkway around the lake is empty

It's Erie

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
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What is the lake's favorite season?

Water fall!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call a lake that is a also a secret agent?

James Pond

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmilioTM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains

But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tDumFlumph
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to give a guard a toy before I was allowed to go fishing in the lake...

I guess that's the Fisher Price.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magedmyself
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.

Now it’s syncing.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Give a man a fish, and he won't see you dump the body in the lake.

Teach a man to fish, and he'll be the only one at the crime scene when the police arrive.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th0rst31N
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Sun go down to the lake?

To go fission.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3LimaBean
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.

It made a good ad visor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks in a lake always fly away when you run up to them?

They have cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chevrite
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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I took my dog to the lake to day and noticed he floats very well

He’s a good buoy

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/louayy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I wouldn't rank the Great Lakes from best to worst...

But one of them is definitely Superior.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmshady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was walking across a lake and suddenly a gator appeard and started guiding me

It was a Navigator

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeniosOfKekistan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently started taking my paddle boat out on the lake

I feel like canoe person

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skillshy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dead man floating on a lake?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Headless_05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the lake...

My daughter dropped her phone in the water and jumped in after it.

I told her she just open an InstaSwam account.

Somehow I'm the bad guy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CainnicOrel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Two friends are out at the lake..

One of the guys pulls out this really, really long lighter. And his friend says, "Hey, that's a cool lighter. Where'd you get it?" He says, "Oh, I've got this magic genie in a lamp. You know, rub the lamp, get a wish." Friend goes, "Well shit, man! Don't hold out! I want a wish!" "Okay, man, but I have to warn you.. This genie is *really* old.." "All right, whatever, just give me a wish." So he rubs the lamp, the genie comes out, and grants him a wish. He says, "I want a million bucks!" "Your wish is granted," says the genie, he disappears into the lamp, and suddenly a million *ducks* descend upon this lake. The guy is baffled and says, "Hey, what's the deal? I asked for a million *bucks*, not a million *ducks*.." His friend replies, "Dude, you think I asked for a 12-inch *Bic*?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The lake by my house was overpopulated with river otters that would bite and harass people. The local gov used explosives to fix the problem. They called it operation otter pop
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imj23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Fishing on an inland lake on an island this weekend with my daughter. This island generates lots of power via wind turbines. Anyway, We are on the lake and it gets rough and REALLY windy. Pretend to get mad and yell at the power station...

"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmeilleur1337
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
In 1935, an American went out on a quest to discover the Loch Ness monsters. He found that according to legend, there were at least 10 in existence. Instead of trying Scotland, he believed the US might have these lake monsters. In which state did he begin his quest?

Tennessee

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TITANofATHENS
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My two year old girl loves going to the lake...

She gets to see her buoy-friends.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/someone5793
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why would you bring a bad omen to a lake?

Foreboding

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/century1goomba
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My son went to Salt Lake City today.
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mag79s
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My boy got creeped out at the great lakes

He said it was too Erie for him

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_DRUMSETS
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A team of investigators found the body of a missing person in a frozen lake...

They finally cracked the cold case

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi_im_Nadeem
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened to the three cats who fell through the ice on a frozen lake in QuΓ©bec?

3-4-5

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicktheman2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the fastest fish in the lake?

A motorpike.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimosabbe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMakeItAllUp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I threw Annett in the lake to catch some fish.

Needless to say she wasn’t happy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alpha1rod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A german tourist jumped into a freezing lake to save someone’s dog...

He told the owner β€œkeep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked β€œare you a vet?” The German replied β€œvet? I’m soaking!”

EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynameisj3sus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I once witnessed a magician make the fog over a lake disappear.

It was mist defying.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to think of a nickname for the Land-o-Lakes girl

But alas

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/upinflams
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend's dad... Instead of the Hellman's in a lake...

http://i.imgur.com/kekwP1L.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 760
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πŸ‘€︎ u/messenger_boy
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
I angered some country music fans while driving from Lake City to Valdosta

Apparently I had crossed the Florida Georgia Line

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnbr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no legs or arms when you throw him in the lake

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattmilli1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Go throw a jar of Hellman's in the Lake!

Cuz it's Sinko de Mayo!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gkfifer
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of a lake?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yettyfrommanetty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Salt Lake City is concerned that too many teens are rebelling by going "Goth"

Mormon Emo Problems

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
🚨︎ report
I was on holiday in a picturesque rural lake area, got stressed at the lack of 4G and 3G signal though.

I was on EDGE there.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YorkshireRiffer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Walking around the lake with my friends.

Dave: Hold on I have to take a picture of the baby ducks or my wife will kill me.

Russell: Why not just steal a couple and take them home.

Me: That would be a crime most fowl.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stillbourne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
🚨︎ report
My 3 year old son got the daycare lady with this one the other day while talking about spending the weekend with my parents at their lake house.

Daycare Lady: "does your Grandpa have a house on the lake?"

Son (with a serious face): "no his house is on the grass."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeLampz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the teacher jump in the lake?

Because she wanted to test the water!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fish dancing at the bottom of the lake?

Yeah, the were dancing a "crappie jig"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person floating up and down in a lake?

Bob.

What do you call his cousin who does the same in the ocean?

David....

David Buoy...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillJaxon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2017
🚨︎ report
My teenage daughter is about to jump into a lake

She's standing on the dock and asks "Where is the bottom?" I replied, "Somewhere under the surface"

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dskiver81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Daughter: "Are there hurricanes on Lake Superior?"

Me: "No sweetie, those are called BRRR-icanes"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wheresthespoonaha
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
🚨︎ report
It's really hard being dyslexic in Salt Lake City.

The other day I went out looking for a good trip; ended up a Mormon.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rykahn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Me and my dad were at a local lake...

I see a Crane standing in some cattails and I jokingly call it a Stork but then I seriously ask my dad if Storks also like to be around lakes and he says "No, they hang around hospitals."

I groaned...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zamibe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad parked next to a campsite on a lake that had tons of ducks

He asked me what I thought of it, I told him "it looks fowl"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SparkyDogPants
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
🚨︎ report
My In-Laws Went to Salt Lake City...

...They learned a lot of history about Joseph Smith, who apparently had close to 40 wives. They were telling us this, and my mother-in-law said that he once stated that he "thought no more of taking another wife than buying a cow", to which my wife commented "...Wivestock!"

I love her so much.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bocephis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Happy Father's Day! On which lake will dad and I go out sailing?

Whatever floats his boat.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tree_Gordon_Fiddy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a Lake and a Dam?

Lake I give a Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beltox2pointO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Anytime and every time we see a boat at the seaside, lake, river etc...

"I can see a boat, canoe?"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hakunamatattas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
🚨︎ report
"Dad, are there electric eels in the lake?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Do you see any extension cords?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vladicuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
🚨︎ report
After jumping into a pool or lake

Me: "How's the water!?"

Dad: "It's wet!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drum_bonzo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
🚨︎ report
We're visiting relatives who live on a lake.

Me: "What's that big black spot out on the water?" Mom: "I think that's a flock of ducks grouped together." Dad: "The technical name is an iceburd."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coconut_Bay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster fall into the lake ?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report

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