How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.
When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
Be careful if you go swimming in Philosophy Lake.
How does the flower cross the lake
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
Standing in a lake in Africa.
I told my friend I was standing in a lake in Africa. He exclaimed to em "no you're not, your in de-Nile!" sorry all.
We were camping near the lake and my wife wanted to go canoeing...
She asked: "Which paddle should I take? The short wooden one, the long metal one?
I replied: "Doesn't matter, its either-oar situation"
I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...
I threw my iPhone to the lake the other thay
How does a flower get a boat across the lake?
I saw a boat out on a saltwater lake!
Why did the hipster fall in the lake?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. Even the walkway around the lake is empty
What is the lake's favorite season?
My Bluetooth speaker wasnβt working so I threw it into the lake.
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︎ Sep 17 2019
I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains
But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement
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︎ Dec 29 2019
I had to give a guard a toy before I was allowed to go fishing in the lake...
I guess that's the Fisher Price.
Why did the Sun go down to the lake?
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︎ Dec 02 2019
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
Why do ducks in a lake always fly away when you run up to them?
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︎ Oct 27 2019
Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
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︎ Jul 03 2019
I took my dog to the lake to day and noticed he floats very well
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︎ Jan 19 2019
I was walking across a lake and suddenly a gator appeard and started guiding me
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︎ Jan 31 2019
I wouldn't rank the Great Lakes from best to worst...
But one of them is definitely Superior.
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︎ Apr 22 2019
I recently started taking my paddle boat out on the lake
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︎ Apr 14 2019
What do you call a dead man floating on a lake?
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︎ Jul 11 2019
Today at the lake...
My daughter dropped her phone in the water and jumped in after it.
I told her she just open an InstaSwam account.
Somehow I'm the bad guy.
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︎ Jun 24 2019
The lake by my house was overpopulated with river otters that would bite and harass people. The local gov used explosives to fix the problem. They called it operation otter pop
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︎ Apr 15 2019
Two friends are out at the lake..
One of the guys pulls out this really, really long lighter. And his friend says, "Hey, that's a cool lighter. Where'd you get it?" He says, "Oh, I've got this magic genie in a lamp. You know, rub the lamp, get a wish." Friend goes, "Well shit, man! Don't hold out! I want a wish!" "Okay, man, but I have to warn you.. This genie is *really* old.." "All right, whatever, just give me a wish." So he rubs the lamp, the genie comes out, and grants him a wish. He says, "I want a million bucks!" "Your wish is granted," says the genie, he disappears into the lamp, and suddenly a million *ducks* descend upon this lake. The guy is baffled and says, "Hey, what's the deal? I asked for a million *bucks*, not a million *ducks*.." His friend replies, "Dude, you think I asked for a 12-inch *Bic*?"
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︎ Jun 03 2019
Fishing on an inland lake on an island this weekend with my daughter. This island generates lots of power via wind turbines. Anyway, We are on the lake and it gets rough and REALLY windy. Pretend to get mad and yell at the power station...
"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....
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︎ Jul 03 2019
My son went to Salt Lake City today.
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︎ Aug 22 2018
My two year old girl loves going to the lake...
She gets to see her buoy-friends.
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︎ May 08 2019
In 1935, an American went out on a quest to discover the Loch Ness monsters. He found that according to legend, there were at least 10 in existence. Instead of trying Scotland, he believed the US might have these lake monsters. In which state did he begin his quest?
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︎ May 06 2019
Why would you bring a bad omen to a lake?
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︎ May 05 2019
What happened to the three cats who fell through the ice on a frozen lake in QuΓ©bec?
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︎ Feb 06 2019
My boy got creeped out at the great lakes
He said it was too Erie for him
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︎ Apr 08 2019
A team of investigators found the body of a missing person in a frozen lake...
They finally cracked the cold case
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︎ Apr 08 2019
Whatβs the fastest fish in the lake?
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︎ Apr 12 2019
A german tourist jumped into a freezing lake to save someoneβs dog...
He told the owner βkeep him warm and he vill be fineβ the owner asked βare you a vet?β The German replied βvet? Iβm soaking!β
EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... itβs not my joke.
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︎ Jul 13 2018
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︎ Mar 22 2019
I once witnessed a magician make the fog over a lake disappear.
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︎ Aug 31 2018
I threw Annett in the lake to catch some fish.
Needless to say she wasnβt happy.
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︎ Mar 15 2019
Friend's dad... Instead of the Hellman's in a lake...
http://i.imgur.com/kekwP1L.jpg
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︎ May 06 2015
Iβve been trying to think of a nickname for the Land-o-Lakes girl
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︎ Feb 19 2019
Go throw a jar of Hellman's in the Lake!
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︎ May 05 2015
What do you call a man with no legs or arms when you throw him in the lake
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︎ Jul 15 2018
I angered some country music fans while driving from Lake City to Valdosta
Apparently I had crossed the Florida Georgia Line
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︎ Dec 31 2018
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of a lake?
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︎ Mar 25 2018
Salt Lake City is concerned that too many teens are rebelling by going "Goth"
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︎ Apr 11 2017
I was on holiday in a picturesque rural lake area, got stressed at the lack of 4G and 3G signal though.
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︎ Nov 25 2017
Walking around the lake with my friends.
Dave: Hold on I have to take a picture of the baby ducks or my wife will kill me.
Russell: Why not just steal a couple and take them home.
Me: That would be a crime most fowl.
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︎ Sep 05 2017
My 3 year old son got the daycare lady with this one the other day while talking about spending the weekend with my parents at their lake house.
Daycare Lady: "does your Grandpa have a house on the lake?"
Son (with a serious face): "no his house is on the grass."
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︎ Jul 04 2017
Why did the teacher jump in the lake?
Because she wanted to test the water!
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︎ Feb 02 2018
Did you hear about the fish dancing at the bottom of the lake?
Yeah, the were dancing a "crappie jig"
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︎ Mar 08 2017
What do you call a person floating up and down in a lake?
Bob.
What do you call his cousin who does the same in the ocean?
David....
David Buoy...
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︎ Sep 06 2017
My teenage daughter is about to jump into a lake
She's standing on the dock and asks "Where is the bottom?"
I replied, "Somewhere under the surface"
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︎ Feb 01 2017
Daughter: "Are there hurricanes on Lake Superior?"
Me: "No sweetie, those are called BRRR-icanes"
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︎ Aug 27 2017
It's really hard being dyslexic in Salt Lake City.
The other day I went out looking for a good trip; ended up a Mormon.
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︎ Oct 13 2014
Me and my dad were at a local lake...
I see a Crane standing in some cattails and I jokingly call it a Stork but then I seriously ask my dad if Storks also like to be around lakes and he says "No, they hang around hospitals."
I groaned...
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︎ Sep 18 2016
I once tried to drink a whole lake and threw up after few sips.
I guess that I am laketose intolerant.
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︎ Jan 26 2017
My dad parked next to a campsite on a lake that had tons of ducks
He asked me what I thought of it, I told him "it looks fowl"
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︎ Sep 18 2015
My In-Laws Went to Salt Lake City...
...They learned a lot of history about Joseph Smith, who apparently had close to 40 wives. They were telling us this, and my mother-in-law said that he once stated that he "thought no more of taking another wife than buying a cow", to which my wife commented "...Wivestock!"
I love her so much.
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︎ Jul 27 2015
Happy Father's Day! On which lake will dad and I go out sailing?
Whatever floats his boat.
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︎ Jun 21 2015
What's the difference between a Lake and a Dam?
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︎ Jan 17 2015
Anytime and every time we see a boat at the seaside, lake, river etc...
"I can see a boat, canoe?"
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︎ Aug 21 2013
"Dad, are there electric eels in the lake?"
"Don't be ridiculous. Do you see any extension cords?"
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︎ Dec 29 2013
After jumping into a pool or lake
Me: "How's the water!?"
Dad: "It's wet!"
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︎ Jan 13 2015
We're visiting relatives who live on a lake.
Me: "What's that big black spot out on the water?"
Mom: "I think that's a flock of ducks grouped together."
Dad: "The technical name is an iceburd."
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︎ Dec 26 2013
Why did the hipster fall into the lake ?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
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