How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.
When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
Be careful if you go swimming in Philosophy Lake.
How does the flower cross the lake
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
Standing in a lake in Africa.
I told my friend I was standing in a lake in Africa. He exclaimed to em "no you're not, your in de-Nile!" sorry all.
We were camping near the lake and my wife wanted to go canoeing...
She asked: "Which paddle should I take? The short wooden one, the long metal one?
I replied: "Doesn't matter, its either-oar situation"
I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...
I threw my iPhone to the lake the other thay
How does a flower get a boat across the lake?
I saw a boat out on a saltwater lake!
Why did the hipster fall in the lake?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. Even the walkway around the lake is empty
What is the lake's favorite season?
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains
But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement
I had to give a guard a toy before I was allowed to go fishing in the lake...
I guess that's the Fisher Price.
Why did the Sun go down to the lake?
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.
Why do ducks in a lake always fly away when you run up to them?
Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
I took my dog to the lake to day and noticed he floats very well
I was walking across a lake and suddenly a gator appeard and started guiding me
I wouldn't rank the Great Lakes from best to worst...
But one of them is definitely Superior.
I recently started taking my paddle boat out on the lake
What do you call a dead man floating on a lake?
Today at the lake...
My daughter dropped her phone in the water and jumped in after it.
I told her she just open an InstaSwam account.
Somehow I'm the bad guy.
The lake by my house was overpopulated with river otters that would bite and harass people. The local gov used explosives to fix the problem. They called it operation otter pop
Two friends are out at the lake..
One of the guys pulls out this really, really long lighter. And his friend says, "Hey, that's a cool lighter. Where'd you get it?" He says, "Oh, I've got this magic genie in a lamp. You know, rub the lamp, get a wish." Friend goes, "Well shit, man! Don't hold out! I want a wish!" "Okay, man, but I have to warn you.. This genie is *really* old.." "All right, whatever, just give me a wish." So he rubs the lamp, the genie comes out, and grants him a wish. He says, "I want a million bucks!" "Your wish is granted," says the genie, he disappears into the lamp, and suddenly a million *ducks* descend upon this lake. The guy is baffled and says, "Hey, what's the deal? I asked for a million *bucks*, not a million *ducks*.." His friend replies, "Dude, you think I asked for a 12-inch *Bic*?"
Fishing on an inland lake on an island this weekend with my daughter. This island generates lots of power via wind turbines. Anyway, We are on the lake and it gets rough and REALLY windy. Pretend to get mad and yell at the power station...
"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....
My son went to Salt Lake City today.
My two year old girl loves going to the lake...
She gets to see her buoy-friends.
In 1935, an American went out on a quest to discover the Loch Ness monsters. He found that according to legend, there were at least 10 in existence. Instead of trying Scotland, he believed the US might have these lake monsters. In which state did he begin his quest?
Why would you bring a bad omen to a lake?
What happened to the three cats who fell through the ice on a frozen lake in Québec?
My boy got creeped out at the great lakes
He said it was too Erie for him
A team of investigators found the body of a missing person in a frozen lake...
They finally cracked the cold case
What’s the fastest fish in the lake?
A german tourist jumped into a freezing lake to save someone’s dog...
He told the owner “keep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked “are you a vet?” The German replied “vet? I’m soaking!”
EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.
I once witnessed a magician make the fog over a lake disappear.
I threw Annett in the lake to catch some fish.
Needless to say she wasn’t happy.
Friend's dad... Instead of the Hellman's in a lake...
http://i.imgur.com/kekwP1L.jpg
I’ve been trying to think of a nickname for the Land-o-Lakes girl
Go throw a jar of Hellman's in the Lake!
What do you call a man with no legs or arms when you throw him in the lake
I angered some country music fans while driving from Lake City to Valdosta
Apparently I had crossed the Florida Georgia Line
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of a lake?
Salt Lake City is concerned that too many teens are rebelling by going "Goth"
I was on holiday in a picturesque rural lake area, got stressed at the lack of 4G and 3G signal though.
Walking around the lake with my friends.
Dave: Hold on I have to take a picture of the baby ducks or my wife will kill me.
Russell: Why not just steal a couple and take them home.
Me: That would be a crime most fowl.
My 3 year old son got the daycare lady with this one the other day while talking about spending the weekend with my parents at their lake house.
Daycare Lady: "does your Grandpa have a house on the lake?"
Son (with a serious face): "no his house is on the grass."
Why did the teacher jump in the lake?
Because she wanted to test the water!
Did you hear about the fish dancing at the bottom of the lake?
Yeah, the were dancing a "crappie jig"
What do you call a person floating up and down in a lake?
Bob.
What do you call his cousin who does the same in the ocean?
David....
David Buoy...
My teenage daughter is about to jump into a lake
She's standing on the dock and asks "Where is the bottom?"
I replied, "Somewhere under the surface"
Daughter: "Are there hurricanes on Lake Superior?"
Me: "No sweetie, those are called BRRR-icanes"
It's really hard being dyslexic in Salt Lake City.
The other day I went out looking for a good trip; ended up a Mormon.
Me and my dad were at a local lake...
I see a Crane standing in some cattails and I jokingly call it a Stork but then I seriously ask my dad if Storks also like to be around lakes and he says "No, they hang around hospitals."
I groaned...
I once tried to drink a whole lake and threw up after few sips.
I guess that I am laketose intolerant.
My dad parked next to a campsite on a lake that had tons of ducks
He asked me what I thought of it, I told him "it looks fowl"
My In-Laws Went to Salt Lake City...
...They learned a lot of history about Joseph Smith, who apparently had close to 40 wives. They were telling us this, and my mother-in-law said that he once stated that he "thought no more of taking another wife than buying a cow", to which my wife commented "...Wivestock!"
I love her so much.
Happy Father's Day! On which lake will dad and I go out sailing?
Whatever floats his boat.
What's the difference between a Lake and a Dam?
Anytime and every time we see a boat at the seaside, lake, river etc...
"I can see a boat, canoe?"
"Dad, are there electric eels in the lake?"
"Don't be ridiculous. Do you see any extension cords?"
After jumping into a pool or lake
Me: "How's the water!?"
Dad: "It's wet!"
We're visiting relatives who live on a lake.
Me: "What's that big black spot out on the water?"
Mom: "I think that's a flock of ducks grouped together."
Dad: "The technical name is an iceburd."
Why did the hipster fall into the lake ?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
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