How did people in the ancient world keep track of how many people they made out with?

With an Abakiss!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
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Russia have just launched a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies

Nyetflix.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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How hard is it to track down a bread thief?

It's painstaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/microbeerology
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.

His name is.....

Choo choo Twain!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamSamG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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ETA is on track
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r0n0j0y
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Have you heard Beyonce's new track dedicated to Scottish roofers?

"All The Shingle Laddies"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fritzdkat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.

I keep a Heath Ledger

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Apparently that new tropical storm is really hard to track. I keep seeing on the news TROPICAL STORM ETA

but they never say when it’ll hit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holm12345
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...

I told them, "You guys should take turns".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.

And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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How does poop keep track of it’s thoughts and feelings?

Diary-uh or a log. Depends how sappy...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jewbillystein
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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My wife made a graph to track her periods.

It's a flow chart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hybridtheory1331
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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My wife asked how I keep track of all my dadjokes from Reddit. I told her that I write the ones I like on little yellow...

... Re Post-it Notes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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*Play laugh track*
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainCamoroni
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didn’t draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously

.....and that’s when I drew the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/singh_j
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.

He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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How do ranchers keep track of all their cows?

They keep a cattle-log.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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This watermelon is from the wrong side of the tracks

It’s seedy.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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How does the Battlestar Galactica track it's mileage?

An Adameter lol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porcuswallabee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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What cell service provider do track stars use?

Sprint

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πŸ‘€︎ u/funnydeadpool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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He prolly wanted to make a dish track. v.redd.it/12huxm3n98o41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wakandaa_foreva
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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Do you know how I keep track of all my Mediterranean friends?

Italy.

(My friends actually appreciated this one so I thought I'd share it here.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aethoneagle
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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How do meteorologist track lightning strikes?

They use a Thor-mometer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icebolt08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down...

You have my Word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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There’s a new company that goes in conventions and claim they can track you by your smell

But they can’t do it without your con scent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lurebat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?

He keeps a log book.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChknSchnity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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He must be having a pretty good track record!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindspot7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
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How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?

He keeps a log book.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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What do you call a knife that joins the track team?

Blade Runner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theinfinitejaguar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Especially if it's a good book that makes you lose track of the time
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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They sure got back on track
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πŸ‘€︎ u/f1sh333
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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When race tracks are worn down their parts are used for other tracks

It’s just the circle of life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAverageSJW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I asked a friend if I should go into business selling curvy tracks for people to ride their toboggans down for jollies...

He said it sounds like a luging proposition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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Do you know why South Dakota has the best track teams?

They Rushmore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d8spereaux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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My dad as we drive over train tracks.

I think a train has just passed by here.... Why do you say that dad? Well look there,points....you can see it's tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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My smartphone tracks my cat's sleep patterns.

There's a nap for that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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Two people went on a hike and came across some tracks. One argued they were foxes and the other said they were a deers

They were still arguing when the train hit them tho 🚞

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eoghanr888
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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How do you track Will Smith?

Look for fresh prints

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronJohnno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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I’ve been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s so many times I can’t even keep track

...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseBeSerious
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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When I was 12, I was disqualified from a track meet for too many false starts. To cheer me up, my Dad...

took me to Dairy Queen. As he handed me my medium Skor Blizzard he said, "Here you go, a DQ you can feel good about." I laughed and felt better.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
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Did you guys hear the joke that track and field kids always tell?

Yeah it’s kind of a running joke. The kids always throw it around. Everyone is quick to jump on an opportunity to tell it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zach_Bauer_24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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How does Peter Parker keep track of the number of arachnids in any given neighborhood?

He uses his spider census.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dashiellbalder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down...

You have my Word

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down...

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2017
🚨︎ report

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