Breaking news: a man has just been arrested for completing an origami course backwards..
We will update you as the situation unfolds.
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. “Something for this I have.” Yoda says.
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a
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Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
In my graphic design course, we all had to make typefaces inspired by our favorite US cities, and present them in class.
We all knew that at some point, we’d have to discuss the LA font in the room.
What did the raindrop say to the cloud that went off course?
I quit my job as the Pro at the local Miniature Golf course...
... I found the work oft-putting.
I can't believe I failed my HVAC course...
I studied asbestos I could...
Probably should have insulated my grade a little better...
am I right ? of course Im on the left wing :D
Names redacted for anonymity, of course.
Of course, you can't visit it just now.
The hurdler was having a hard time with the course.
His coach told him to just get over it.
On the golf course I'm known as Frito Lay...
Because my chips are so good.
Of course He is risen
Helium ~is~ lighter than air
I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion...
Apparently, "extremely large ones" wasn’t an acceptable answer...
I enrolled in a course entitled “Basic Origami for halfwits”.
You’re probably thinking “Why?”
Well, the answer is twofold.
Of course I'm not. I'm going to stay at home. That has nothing to do with the lockdown though!
of course no-one appreciated this on twitter
Captain! Are we going off course!?
The teacher asked the student about the progress on the Microsoft Office course.
The student responded: 'thank you for asking, i'm doing excellent.'
How did the citrus fruit do on the golf course?
I just asked my dad to give me a crash course on the stock market
He said, “Well it’s crashing on course right now.”
I failed a health and safety course yesterday. One of the questions was ‘in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?’
‘Large ones’ was apparently the wrong answer.
Yeah... Of course he can...
It's incredible how a five day college course has opened so many doors
It was a locksmith course
I found a terrific online course for cooking Chinese food.
It’s called ‘Wok This Way.’
My wife asked me, “Did you experiment a lot in college?”, and I said, “Of course.”
I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.
That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
Did you hear that Subway is opening a mini golf course at some of their restaurants?
I tried it out, but it wasn't very good.
It was sub-par.
My first job was telling golfers how much time a scratch player should take to complete a hole on the golf course...
I threw a party when I got a job in genetics and of course, served a chewy fruit dish with a charcoal flavor...
The guests seemed to like my carbon dates.
I tried to do some harder skiing courses once but you know what they say
I was scheduled to teach a course in Origami, but then decided to give up.
I attended a self-defence course.
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...£380."
"I refuse to pay," I told him.
"You have to," he insisted.
"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."
So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me bloody, bruised and beaten.
He said, "£380. Cough it up."
"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
Why did the man leave his socks on the golf course?
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross... reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
A rope walks into a bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, “No, you’re only a rope.” So he decides to disguise himself. He ties himself into a knot & ruffles his edges a bit. The next day, he walks into the bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, “Of course... Wait, aren’t you that rope?”
And the rope replies, “I’m a frayed knot.”
I’ve always been super confused as to why my dad always brings an extra pair of socks to the golf course.
According to him, it’s in case he gets a hole in one.
A Dad walks into a bookstore and says, “ Can I have a book by Shakespeare?” “Of course, sir, which one?”
Of course we all forget about Plasti City.
Do you think Snoop will go to heaven when he dies? Of course, because all dawgs go to heaven.
Of course I believe in gun control!
I’m wearing sleeves, aren’t I?
Two blokes are out on a golf course,
one pulls out a cigarette and asks his friend for a light. His friend pulls out a 12 inch bic lighter and hands it to him “wow where did you get such a large bic?” he asks, “oh this, my genie got it for me he’s in my golf bag” the friend says “you have a genie?! May I see him?”, “yes sure” the friend replies and opens his golf bag. Sure enough out pops a genie, the man says “I am your masters best friend may I have one wish?” “Sure” the genie replies “but only one”... “I’d like a million bucks” says the man excitedly, “done” says the genie and disappears back into the bag. Seconds later the sky begins to gets dark, despite it only being noon, the man looks up and sees nothing but ducks “what is going on, there must be a million ducks up there, I asked for a million bucks, what’s wrong with your genie?!” his friend turns to him with a wry smile and says “do you REALLY think I asked for a 12 inch inch bic”
What do you call a dinosaur themed put-put golf course?
Dad got hit by a golf ball on the course today...
I asked a girl way out of my league out and she accepted! Of course, she said she wanted to eat somewhere expensive...
So I took her to the airport.
Why are law students required to take creative writing courses?
So they can administer poetic justice.
When I think about all the boobs I’ve touched over the course of my life....
It’s like a trip down mammary lane
My friend April is very playful, April laughs, April plays, and, of course,
If you want to meet girls, take a course in ancient Mesopotamian linguistics.
Ladies love a man in cuneiform.
I shot an Eagle at my local golf course today.
Apparently you go to jail for killing a protected species.
How is the internet like a new golf course?
Unimpressive until you hit the links
My golf course gave me an award and sign for my own place to park, but people keep taking my spot.
It just doesn’t pay to be the Par King.
Of course this belongs here too
I was at a restaurant with my friends but they left before the 3rd course.
I took my first course in tailoring today
I dropped my son off at the golf course the other day.
He said “drive safe!” And I said “drive safe!”
I took a Pyrotechnics course in University.
I got a third degree. It was a real blast too.
What vegetables were allowed on the golf course?
I hate crappy golf courses with too many trees.
I go to great links to avoid them.
He was violently frustrated to find that his sailboat had drifted a great many miles off course overnight
He needed to work on his anchor management
I’ve just completed a self defense course…
I wouldn’t recommend anyone attack me in slow motion now…
Readers digest things differently of course
I wanted to sign my kid up for a music course, but then I changed my mind.
It was way too much violins.
The telemarketer had a lot of emotional issues, which of course came out while talking on the phone...
He had a lot of hang-ups.
My mate started a course on how to stay fit now he won't use elevators
he told me how he's going to start taking steps to avoid them.
My father used to like to get to the golf course an hour early to use the practice green...
He liked to putter around.
RIP. Miss the old man.
I was at the hardware store with my daughter. She of course knocked over a level.
I told her to level with me about what she did.
To wife: Of course she knows it's a new year, she wasn't born yesterday!
Daughter was born at 8:08am yesterday. 7lbs, 1oz, 20" long. Dad, Mom and baby are doing great! Image
Edit - link formatting
Edit - My wife thinks the pic makes it look like she gave birth to Mother Teresa
I recently opened a combination sandwich shop/mini golf course.
I thought it was a great idea but the reviews said the experience was sub-par.
What do you call an electric first course meal?
Why did the polo player get kicked off the golf course?
Because he was horsing a-round.
You could say I had a crash course
In brake failure
Edit: I thought of this after I had a brake line blow out on my way to work this morning
OF COURSE the gold medal swimmer from Hungary was the only person NOT to bite the medal.
I was so ready, too.
Ruined my evening.
After mispreparing some guy's caffeinated drink, the barista asked me if I wanted it, on the house, while he remade the order. Of course I accepted.
I am not one to refuse charry tea.
How does harry potter get down a hill? Walking of course...
The BBC say that new royal baby's name will be announced in due course.
I didn't complete the Scadanavian languages course; I did well enough at the beginning in Danish, Swedish, and Norweigian...
...but I just couldn't Finnish.
The only course I flunked horribly in college was on Greek mythology.
It was my Achilles’ elbow.
Of course photons don't have mass...
...they are traveling light.
Why was the particle physicist still hungry after the Italian full-course meal?
Instead of antipasto, they served antipasta.
Taking a UAV drone flying course.
This stuff is way over my head.
I feel bad for people that mow the edges of golf courses.
Did you hear about the Mexican that got shot at the golf course?
Of course this car isn't voice controlled
I failed my fire safety course when I was asked what steps I would take in case there was an explosion.
“Really large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.