Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.

Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BetterThanOP
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevohanian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
After copying the Greeks and Etruscans of course
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. β€œSomething for this I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

β€œSomething I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

β€œThat’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. β€œI’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

β€œMaster Yoda!” he asks. β€œWhat did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, β€œA Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientifically speaking, of course.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMcPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Of β€œCourse” he did
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musical-Comic-69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course, french fries are far too posh for us, we only do chips!
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a new drug going around that is nicknamed β€œangle”. My friends want to try it with me, but I took a D.A.R.E. course and don’t want to do drugs, so my friends make fun of me.

I guess I’m just too square to try angle.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopTarnekPop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Names redacted for anonymity, of course.
πŸ‘︎ 244
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordOysteryn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
of course not
πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumboooo_
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
am I right ? of course Im on the left wing :D
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cihan_emre
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course, you can't visit it just now.
πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course He is risen

Helium ~is~ lighter than air

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course he wood
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themdonuts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course I'm not. I'm going to stay at home. That has nothing to do with the lockdown though!
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion...

Apparently, "extremely large ones" wasn’t an acceptable answer...

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
of course no-one appreciated this on twitter
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICTman1076
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Yeah... Of course he can...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roee241
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me, β€œDid you experiment a lot in college?”, and I said, β€œOf course.”

I was a Chemistry major.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A Dad walks into a bookstore and says, β€œ Can I have a book by Shakespeare?” β€œOf course, sir, which one?”

Dad: William.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Subway is opening a mini golf course at some of their restaurants?

I tried it out, but it wasn't very good.
It was sub-par.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeLouie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve always been super confused as to why my dad always brings an extra pair of socks to the golf course.

According to him, it’s in case he gets a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whiplash1911
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross... reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FarPrince
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I threw a party when I got a job in genetics and of course, served a chewy fruit dish with a charcoal flavor...

The guests seemed to like my carbon dates.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A rope walks into a bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, β€œNo, you’re only a rope.” So he decides to disguise himself. He ties himself into a knot & ruffles his edges a bit. The next day, he walks into the bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, β€œOf course... Wait, aren’t you that rope?”

And the rope replies, β€œI’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allyyx3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Of course we all forget about Plasti City.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EkskiuTwentyTwo
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Of course, V=D/T
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_agucci
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you think Snoop will go to heaven when he dies? Of course, because all dawgs go to heaven.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hairlusbalz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
When I think about all the boobs I’ve touched over the course of my life....

It’s like a trip down mammary lane

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vfr86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Of course I believe in gun control!

I’m wearing sleeves, aren’t I?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wxmatt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked a girl way out of my league out and she accepted! Of course, she said she wanted to eat somewhere expensive...

So I took her to the airport.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Of course this belongs here too
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blockinite
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend April is very playful, April laughs, April plays, and, of course,

April fools

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Of course
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Movie-Man_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Of course
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Batsk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Readers digest things differently of course
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
🚨︎ report
To wife: Of course she knows it's a new year, she wasn't born yesterday!

Daughter was born at 8:08am yesterday. 7lbs, 1oz, 20" long. Dad, Mom and baby are doing great! Image

Edit - link formatting
Edit - My wife thinks the pic makes it look like she gave birth to Mother Teresa

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
The telemarketer had a lot of emotional issues, which of course came out while talking on the phone...

He had a lot of hang-ups.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at the hardware store with my daughter. She of course knocked over a level.

I told her to level with me about what she did.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
OF COURSE the gold medal swimmer from Hungary was the only person NOT to bite the medal.

I was so ready, too.

Ruined my evening.

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarockGrok
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Of course photons don't have mass...

...they are traveling light.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lmxbftw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
🚨︎ report
How does harry potter get down a hill? Walking of course...

jk Rolling

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/photogenicquark
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
After mispreparing some guy's caffeinated drink, the barista asked me if I wanted it, on the house, while he remade the order. Of course I accepted.

I am not one to refuse charry tea.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Of course this car isn't voice controlled

It goes without saying!

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megablast13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
🚨︎ report
I feel bad for people that mow the edges of golf courses.

They have a rough job.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FerfyMoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
🚨︎ report
i began my research paper with "Of course, obesity is not an issue to be taken lightly" and then quickly realized how insensitive that'd be

sometimes accidental puns do not work in my favor

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sophinesophierce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Open a mini golf course on the top floor of The Ritz -

Call it "Puttin' on The Ritz".

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TubbyGarfunkle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
🚨︎ report
I failed a health and safety course yesterday. One of the questions was β€˜in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?’

β€˜Large ones’ was apparently the wrong answer.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pheebsbrown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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