A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! πŸ‘Œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_emily_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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Of course I talk to myself

Sometimes I need expert advice

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BurstIntoBlue
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course.

It’s very souperficial.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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I took a crash course on driving

And yet they blame me for the car accident

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.

She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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Subway just opened a golf course

I hear it’s subpar..

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmfinfrock
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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So a bear walks out of the woods onto a golf course

The golfers didn't want to bear with him about the whereabouts of Tiger Woods and ran towards another bearing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimalexp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A farmer attempted to tow a load of manure down the interstate at 5 pm. Of course, it caused a crash and traffic jam...

I can't believe he tried to pull this shit!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course.

I’m really struggling to get out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
"Crash Course."
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whyyoutookmyname
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Of course, this never happened, but we can dream!
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I had to undergo a 6 week course of radiotherapy last year on my salivary glands.

Every week, I had an appointment with a doctor where they would ask me about my health. They would ask me the same usual questions. This is how it would go:

Dr: Do you get a dry mouth?

Me: Yes but I drink water to compensate.

Dr: Any issues with hearing?

Me: Sorry?

Dr (louder): any issues with hearing?

Me: Beg your pardon?

Dr starts laughing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
of COURSE hp lovecraft chose a fishing village for a setting (innsmouth)

...the deep ones are also called the many-anglered ones, after all ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about Austin Richard Post? Oh, of course have.

This is a Re-Post Malone joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMakeCrap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.

Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BetterThanOP
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevohanian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know the musician who enrolled in a programming course?

He said it was a major improvement to his C# skills, it also augmented his C+ code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ordinary_shiba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Just enrolled on a topiary course....

Certainly a cutting hedge technology.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. β€œSomething for this I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

β€œSomething I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

β€œThat’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. β€œI’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

β€œMaster Yoda!” he asks. β€œWhat did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, β€œA Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
After copying the Greeks and Etruscans of course
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate my math class probability course

What are the odds?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AceBalistic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Scientifically speaking, of course.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMcPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: a man has just been arrested for completing an origami course backwards..

We will update you as the situation unfolds.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Micktheprivz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Of β€œCourse” he did
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musical-Comic-69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course, french fries are far too posh for us, we only do chips!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A dad and son drove by a golf course next to a few houses the son asked β€œwhat happens if the ball lands in the house”

The dad said β€œit’s a home-in-one”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/isaiah2rod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the best person at the golf course to get to make coffee?

The groundskeeper!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravendemyseri
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses

But I couldn't ignore the red flags any longer.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katskratched
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.

They’re free range archers now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blg111222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mac-n-treez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Mario failed his online course

Because of his Internet Bowser

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Names redacted for anonymity, of course.
πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordOysteryn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a new drug going around that is nicknamed β€œangle”. My friends want to try it with me, but I took a D.A.R.E. course and don’t want to do drugs, so my friends make fun of me.

I guess I’m just too square to try angle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopTarnekPop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as the Pro at the local Miniature Golf course...

... I found the work oft-putting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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of course not
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumboooo_
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
In my graphic design course, we all had to make typefaces inspired by our favorite US cities, and present them in class.

We all knew that at some point, we’d have to discuss the LA font in the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuecoTanks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course, you can't visit it just now.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
am I right ? of course Im on the left wing :D
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cihan_emre
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The hurdler was having a hard time with the course.

His coach told him to just get over it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the raindrop say to the cloud that went off course?

β€œWater you doing?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/3eemo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course He is risen

Helium ~is~ lighter than air

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Of course he wood
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themdonuts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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I can't believe I failed my HVAC course...

I studied asbestos I could...

Probably should have insulated my grade a little better...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsaSnap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.

That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Of course I'm not. I'm going to stay at home. That has nothing to do with the lockdown though!
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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