The right way of flirting
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AligatorKS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My friend: Did you heard about the Italian man who died recently, he pasta way

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

πŸ‘︎ 278
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madhur_Gupta_nerd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
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Does anyone know the best way to remove ice from a windscreen?

I've just used an old discount card I found in my wallet, but I only got 20% off....

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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I wrote an essay in highschool about lottery winners who ended up losing. Apparently I thought this was way funnier than it is.
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealSkylitPanda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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He's gonna reach there one way or an otter
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schymer27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
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Not my joke in any way but thought people might like it.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death-to-Raisins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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Video games are an ex-seal-lent way to "seal" some seally puns!
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ace-Trainer-AJ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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There's way more cool stuff
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I was diagnosed with Dunlaps Disease shortly after feasting my way through the holiday season...

Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: β€œHow do you know it was going to school?”

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
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I like the way earth rotates.

It really makes my day

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/romeo_rocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Scientists have discovered a way to walk through walls....

Its called a door.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
On the way to the therapist, I told my wife, β€œYou are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren’t you?”

She said, β€œYeah.”

I said, β€œI knew it!”

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
Best way to contact a dead Italian.....

.....use a Luigi Board.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
What's the modern way to donate to the church?

Papal Paypal!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Me and my Dad were in a car on our way to go hunting and saw a sign....

It said bear left, so we went home.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomesox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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What do you call a guy whose car breaks down on his way to meeting his lover?

A cab, and quick

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ulvain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
I heard Ian McKellan, Ian McDiarmid, and Ian Holm are teaming up to defend the Milky Way.

They’re calling themselves the Guard-Ians of the Galaxy.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
What’s the most effective way to write a murder mystery?

Bullet points

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
My co-workers and I would suffer from wrist pain when we would drive through a mountain on our way to work together

We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
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I love the way the earth rotates.

It really makes my day!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeSp00kMan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
What’s the best way to transport a giant foot?

toe truck

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I’ve seen way too many Hindsight is 2020 jokes tonight.

I should’ve seen it coming, but... you know.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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The best way to make your pants last

Is to make your shirt first

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
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Scientists have realised that trees have a way of communicating with each other...

It's called What Sap.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to check the quality of Lady Gaga's botox?

Poke 'er face

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hasdog_willtravel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to avoid getting killed by sheep?

Dodge Ram

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smakattak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
I have designed a way to combine cell phone and moving stair technologies. Want to know what it’s called?

Tellulater.

I had to pull of the road to post this cause I’ve been laughing at myself for the last 5 miles.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
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The best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant is

that one of them is an elephant.

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the worst way to ruin a joke?

A miner spelling error

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Joe say to Donald on his way out the door?

Bi den

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sync_shark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
What is the best way to cancel an appointment?

Ask for disappointment

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sedulas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Which way do dildos turn?

Cockwise.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lemmlemm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the best way to trap a polar bear?

First drill a hole in the ice and line it with green peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole!

(Told to me by my dad at dinner this evening)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megsie72
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way.

It was a near Mrs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the 46th president say while taking the White House keys from the 45th on his way out?

Bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DancinOnTheMoon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way....

I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

πŸ‘︎ 338
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't think of a better way to cross the lake

Canoe?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
This happens way too often
πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perkele1974
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My bandmates are getting way to fat

Too much band width

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Made this a while ago when I had way too much time on my hands
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimothy92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Draco Malfoy's preferred way to get to the dungeons? SLYTHERIN!

JK Rolling

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Steve Irwin died the way he lived -
  • with animals in his heart.
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
There is only one way to describe this year for Donald Trump.

Unpresidented.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ccalabrese01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I met an awesome dude today, he was way into mushrooms

He was a fungi

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrawesomelemons
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?

He forgot his Chopin Liszt.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BornOfAVegan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: β€œHow do you know it was going to school?”

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report

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