My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
I recently switched from using mayonnaise to using butter for making grilled cheese sandwiches. My wife said she liked them more with the butter, but kindly asked me if it was more work this way?

I answered: "It is, but only margarinely more."

Note: this really happened.

πŸ‘︎ 360
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LemonAdeAid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Someone went out of their way for this.
πŸ‘︎ 700
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
I'm sticking with/to my guns. It makes sense either way
πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Masterkibyknight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
People just liked it better that way
πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
There's many ways "werewolf" can be interpreted.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peepeebigg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
My son said, β€œDad, when you were young, was the landline the only way you could communicate with each other?”

I said, β€œNo. Get your fax straight.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Which way to go? The boring way or the...
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/98PercentChimp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
Dats one way of looking at it
πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
Are you gonna pull it all the way out?
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to cook alligator?

In a crock pot.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KiwiCandle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
Phoned my wife and said, "Unbelievable...on the way to the bowling alley my tyre went flat."

"Have you got a spare?" she questioned.

"Honey," I sighed, "I'm not at the bowling alley yet."

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
How did the crazy people find their way out of the woods ?

They followed the psycho path

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?

Everybody

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man on a roof with no way down?

Stuck.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gogorenascence
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27
🚨︎ report
By the way, I get these puns from an app called "dad jokes"
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puffskeleton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, β€œAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flamingkitten101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Why did the Dragonborn climb all the way to High Hrothgar?

He wanted to know what all the Fus was all about.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viral_Idiot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
What creature do you follow to find your way out of a swamp?

A navi-gator.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
Want to know the best way to avoid accidents?

Get a Dodge.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnacksAttacked
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23
🚨︎ report
You know that theory about no two people see colours exactly the same way...

Surely it's a pigment of their imagination ?

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
What’s the best way to get to the capital of Senegal? (From my 8 yr old son)

Dakar

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kajikiwolfe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
I figured out the best way to cut carbs!

Buy a bagel slicer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AzUreDr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
🚨︎ report
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.

He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
What does Putin say when something doesn’t go his way?

β€œWell....Soviet”

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shump23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldn’t get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......

Poor guy turned to a life of mime.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjleak72
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

No it was with a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandcanyon19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
Michael J Fox hacked his way into my old iPhone

He’s looking for The Secret of my 6S

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maloners
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
Blew a bike tire on my way home. Had to push it the rest of the way.

What a drag

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slightlyinsanek8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call a homing pigeon that can’t find its way home?

A pigeon.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
What's the easiest way to male a glow worm happy ?

Cut off it's tail, it'll be delighted

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to carve wood ?

Whittle by whittle

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
The best way to get dad joked:

I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.

I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?

She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.

So I say, not yet I'm dirty.

She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:

Hi! um...

wait a sec,

um, I know um,

um, wait.... dir...

[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]

Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!

I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...

It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she ha

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
I never thought of it this way
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phoenix841
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
One way to cast a stone
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/equazcion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
My friend was going to barbecue baby backs but fell in the way to the grill...

He broke his ribs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
What helped the prostitute mend their ways?

They studied horticulture

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherPackOfDust
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
I wrote a book about the most comfortable ways to sleep in a coffin.

They wouldn't publish it though, the publisher said that the intended audience was a dead market.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsNacho8000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaeboomering
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

Live stream.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNefelivata
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
In a freak accident the laboratory sink came to life, made its way to the mad scientist's door and knocked.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ManosVanBoom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
What’s the easiest way to get a panda to eat?

You bamboozle them

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saetric
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
No way to cushion the blow
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Classic_Result
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
At the company picnic, my co-worker said he had some juicy gossip. He loaded up his plate but tripped on the way to my table...

He spilled the beans!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
A starving tribe marched their way to the desert to get food

because of the sand which is there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoastingNoodles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
My wife recently gave birth on the way to the hospital.

We named him Carson.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/worldstarguy69
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I love the way the earth spins

It just really makes my day

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ra1ds4ad0w
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
My son took his jar collection way too far

When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imkindaspiffy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Pterodactyls evolved a way to urinate without making any noise.

Their P was silent.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hitokirizac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the twins.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
This jerk in an expensive vehicle cut me off and expected me to get out of his way.

Ambulances, I can't stand them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.

From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
Glycine was known for its evil ways.

It was amino acid.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
I love the way Earth rotates.

It really makes my day.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Autistic_Spoon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to see big butts from a distance?

BaDONKulars

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aelbaum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
The easiest way to get in touch with inner self...

is to buy one ply toilet paper

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
My wife’s body is perfect in every way except that she wears glasses.

It’s okay though. I’m willing to look past that.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DBones90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
What is the only way to help people with ADHD?

Send them to concentration camps.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I laughed at the magician when he said he could make the entry way into a container..

Then he left and the door was ajar.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
Only way to upload jokes here

Re-eddit

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mdchris19
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
Slug that is a way to go
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeashton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
I was on my way to work this morning and I forgot how to put my seat belt on.

After awhile, it clicked

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepOnEm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
My clippers ran out of juice half way through shaving so I started to beat the heck out of em...

...for extra battery

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clouc1223
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
I've just come to the realisation that in a way a baker is technically also a parent...

Because their raisin bread.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hairy_Swinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Do you know the best way to make antifreeze?

Hide her nightgown.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waltregus12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
A grandfather clock swings both ways

That’s why we β€˜watch the hours go bi’

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NLLumi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
What did the momma buffalo say to her baby buffalo on his way to school.

Bi-son.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MooMoooCows
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What is the best way to get into college?

Use the door.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Magus_5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend, my dog and I went hiking today and on the way up the mountain there was a big bee buzzing around my head.

So I said β€œBee-gone” and my girlfriend shook her head. Best feeling ever.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
In olden times, making jokes about the way words sound was unfavored by society and would warrant a sever beating.

This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brayradberry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I locked my door on the way in, but when I looked back, it was slightly ajar
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diascamara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?

He raised the bar.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
What is the best way to get to college?

On a uni-cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justalongbowguy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
Which ways more a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stoll33
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I love the way the world spins

It really makes my day

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSalemWitch22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
My daughter thinks I invade her privacy way to much.

At least that’s what I read in her diary.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Mental_Note_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to quit being vegan?

Cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Her: I’m done with you. You are way too old to be obsessed with being a tennis umpire!

Me: I’m only forty, love.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
What is the most effective way to quit being vegan?

Cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 243
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WJ_Stedback
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
The easy way to get from fat to fit:

Just takes a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
A good way of stopping yours kids from getting high?

ground them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scorpino888
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.

All Dante.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
Only way to kill a French vampire is to stab it in its heart with a baguette.

But the whole damn process is painstaking.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fyrebrand18
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
A group of phiologists is trying to conpletely change the way sentences are structured

They call themselves "New Word Order"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ClapTheChad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way…

I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me after all.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What's the respectful way to bury a cow?

cream-ate them

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dangerfolf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.

Personally I think that is just ignore ants.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezemity
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
If someone copies the way I make pasta

Did they just copy-pasta?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magnus0167
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to protect yourself from a group of angry clowns?

Go for the juggler.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
i just learn that sorry is improper grammar and that the correct way to say it is i'm sorry

(sorry bad English)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brohemianrasputin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
I won't vaccinate my kids it's way to dangerous

I'd rather let the doctor do it

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MineFighter010
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed

Everybody.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
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What's the best way to watch a Fly Fishing tournament ?

Live stream

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
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