The right way of flirting
My friend: Did you heard about the Italian man who died recently, he pasta way
Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?
(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)
Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.
Does anyone know the best way to remove ice from a windscreen?
I've just used an old discount card I found in my wallet, but I only got 20% off....
I wrote an essay in highschool about lottery winners who ended up losing. Apparently I thought this was way funnier than it is.
He's gonna reach there one way or an otter
Not my joke in any way but thought people might like it.
Video games are an ex-seal-lent way to "seal" some seally puns!
There's way more cool stuff
I was diagnosed with Dunlaps Disease shortly after feasting my way through the holiday season...
Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”
I like the way earth rotates.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Scientists have discovered a way to walk through walls....
On the way to the therapist, I told my wife, “You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren’t you?”
She said, “Yeah.”
I said, “I knew it!”
Best way to contact a dead Italian.....
What's the modern way to donate to the church?
Me and my Dad were in a car on our way to go hunting and saw a sign....
It said bear left, so we went home.
What do you call a guy whose car breaks down on his way to meeting his lover?
I heard Ian McKellan, Ian McDiarmid, and Ian Holm are teaming up to defend the Milky Way.
They’re calling themselves the Guard-Ians of the Galaxy.
What’s the most effective way to write a murder mystery?
My co-workers and I would suffer from wrist pain when we would drive through a mountain on our way to work together
We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome
What’s the best way to transport a giant foot?
I’ve seen way too many Hindsight is 2020 jokes tonight.
I should’ve seen it coming, but... you know.
The best way to make your pants last
Is to make your shirt first
Scientists have realised that trees have a way of communicating with each other...
What's the best way to check the quality of Lady Gaga's botox?
What's the best way to avoid getting killed by sheep?
I have designed a way to combine cell phone and moving stair technologies. Want to know what it’s called?
Tellulater.
I had to pull of the road to post this cause I’ve been laughing at myself for the last 5 miles.
The best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant is
that one of them is an elephant.
What is the worst way to ruin a joke?
What did Joe say to Donald on his way out the door?
What is the best way to cancel an appointment?
Which way do dildos turn?
What’s the best way to trap a polar bear?
First drill a hole in the ice and line it with green peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole!
(Told to me by my dad at dinner this evening)
I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way.
What did the 46th president say while taking the White House keys from the 45th on his way out?
I can't think of a better way to cross the lake
This happens way too often
My bandmates are getting way to fat
Made this a while ago when I had way too much time on my hands
Draco Malfoy's preferred way to get to the dungeons? SLYTHERIN!
Steve Irwin died the way he lived -
- with animals in his heart.
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
There is only one way to describe this year for Donald Trump.
I met an awesome dude today, he was way into mushrooms
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”
I love the way the earth rotates.
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way....
I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
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