Road Trip Puns

The sign said Draw bridge.

How dairy.

Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.

So I went home.

“I’m board, are we stairs yet?”

It was touch and go from there on.

Good thing she wasn't, that trip would've been short-lived.

I was talking with a friend. He said he wanted to surprise his wife with a trip up north, to the land of the midnight sun. I said "Alaska?" he said "NO! DONT! I said I want it to be a surprise!"

They go back and forth for a while, neither convincing the other that they are right. Finally they decide on a place to eat. When they get to the restaurant, one of the friends asks the person taking their order to settle it once and for all. "Me and my friend are having a debate and hopefully since you live here, you can set my friend straight. Would you please tell us... and say it clear and slow for my friend here... where are we?"

The person behind the counter gets a puzzled look on his face, then says

>!"Buuuuuurrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiiiiinnnnggg"!<

Because it's important that everyone sticks to the plan.

Everyone got out to pee and get snacks. I stretched getting out of the car and I farted. My 16yo daughter said, "Dad, that's gross."

I said, "Why? After all we are at the GAS station."

When I'm in the passenger's seat, I use the guy version. The atlad

And directly facing the sun. I pulled down my visor down.

"Man," I said. "Just think, it's so bright in here I need to squint, even though the sun is 93 million miles away."

"What are you talking about?" my husband said. "He's right behind us."

groan

He replies, "the state of confusion!"

The receptionist tells us we are upgraded to a suite.

I exclaim, "Sweet!" Then grin and nudge my daughter with my elbow while she groans and rolls her eyes

Best part was the receptionist looking at her and saying, "Don't worry, my dad does it too"

It's a hard drive.

And we're off! Like a brides panties.

It was really hauling ass.

Kids were discussing animals. Someone mentioned gnus (wildebeests), how they have horse tails and buffalo horns. I told them I'm not even sure if they are real or not. "Really? You don't know if gnus are real or not?" Says the oldest in a skeptic tone.

"That's right. I'm an agnustic."

Dad: "Oh look, we're entering the French Ghetto" Me: looks up and sees sign for town called LeCompton Many Groans were had

When a bug splatters on the windshield he always says, "I bet it doesn't have the guts to do that again".

6 Year old: Where are we?

Me (Dad): In the car.

Extension of the joke (Kid trying to be smart)

6 Year old: Where is the car?

Me (Dad): On the road.

Dad: "Hey kids, a train just passed by" Me and my siblings: "How do you know?" Dad: "It left its tracks!"

It was funny the first time when I was 9. Now it's funny because it's dad humor.

Driving through Georgia, the wife saw a sign for Jekyll Island. She turns to me and says, "Oh I've heard Jekyll island is really nice."

My response: "Yeah, I've heard it's a lot nicer than Hyde Island"

Her: "You're terrible."

"Put your hand on the window."

Do so

"Can you feel the pain?"

"What?"

"The window pane."

Saw someone I know that posted this on Facebook. They were on a road trip and they said to their dad, "Dad, keep left at the fork." And their dad replied, "Ok, what about the spoons and the knives?"

I asked my dad if coal can get wet

He replied "if water gets on it, yeah"

"They seem to really Carey."

After we got through the town, he says, "Well, Carey on!"

While driving the car, dad complained that his glasses were dirty. Mom did her best, but she had a heck of a time cleaning them, and it took almost 15 minutes before they were presentable. When she finally handed them back to my thoroughly amused dad, he put them on, blinked, lifted his finger to the front window and said, "Hey, look, a road."

I am still ashamed I laughed at that.

Driving through Illinois, everybody is hungry.

Mom to little brother: "Nick, we're almost to Effingham." Dad: "I don't want no f-ing ham."

Makes me optimistic that this talent will manage to be passed on to me some day.

Dad sees a semi truck hauling hay with a blown tire on the side of road

Dad: "Hay... that blows..."

Me: "Dammit, Dad..."

Dad: We're going to stop at this BP station. Cuz I be pee-in.

As I pass a truck carrying horse food, I point to it and yell "HAY"

My whole family, slightly startled, looks around, at what I'm so excited about, then realize, and in unison roll their eyes and groan

I was sitting in the front seat with my dad traveling with the rest of the family when 2 bugs splatted on the windshield...

Dad: What did the 1st bug say to the 2nd?

Me: *sigh * what?

Dad: "I bet you don't have the guts to do that again."

Groans ensued from everyone including my 78 year old grandma who can barely hear from the back seat.

Me: "Are we there yet?" "Son, we are never there we are always here"

Disclaimer: Told by a non-father

American Woman comes on radio

"Guess who plays this song..."

car passengers start to guess the band

"No, Guess Who (the band) plays this song"

"hey guys did you know that bridges generate static electricity? When we get over the center of the bridge touch the window"

We all touch the windows even though we have no idea where he is going.

"do you feel it? Do you feel the pane?"

So this was in the summer of 2011 and at the time this song was a big hit: Medina - You and I. The important part here is the chorus, starting at 0:44.

So in the middle of the song I ask my friend "Do you know what kind of car this singer drives?"
"No idea", she said. To which I replied "A hyu-n-dai."

She almost threw me out of the car.

Passing a graveyard Dad "I wonder how many dead people are in there?" Victim "I don't know..." Dad "All of them, I hope. or Dad "You know, people are just dying to get in there."

Passing a corn field Dad "Wow, just look at all that corn. It's a-maize-ing!"

After a haircut Victim "Dad, did you get a hair cut?" Dad "No, I got 'em all cut."

I realized after I posted this that I included the haircut joke after a road trip title. It was a late night of good beer (with Dad, of course) and I remembered it and thought it needed to be included.

bug hits the windshield

Dad- That bug had guts

Me- sighs

After stopping for fuel and snacks at a little service station we resume travel. My friend got a bag of little crackers and chips mixed together. He offers me some and feeling snackish, "okay yeah I guess maybe I'll have a bit" he replies very quickly "you can have a bite too" at which point I realize it's a bag of bit and bites. Damn it.

Her "ugh my legs asleep" Me "Danm now it's going to be up all night"

"Honey, it's getting late. Are you tired?" &nbsp;

"No, but the car is."

Whenever a bug hits the window, he would ask;

"What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield."

long pause

"His ass!"

We were driving to Minnesota for vacation and as we are passing through Iowa, I see a wind farm (they are very uncommon where im from). I say "look, guys! A wind farm!" To which my mom replies almost immediately "I wonder if they start them off as seeds or sprouts." Kinda caught us all off guard!