Why did the tree cross the street?
They were opening a new branch on the other side
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.
A cable repairman was on our street today and asked what time it is.
I told him it's between 8am and 1pm.
What did Homer Simpson say when he hit a deer in the street?
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k,256k, 512k and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.
A guy sees a pirate walking down the street with a steering wheel in his pants...
He yells, hey! Hey, pirate! There's a steering wheel in your pants! Pirate says, Aarr, I know! It's driving me nuts!
The guy who takes pictures for Street View has a cool job.
He goes for Google Drives.
What’s a microscopic dead end street?
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog shit on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one:
My street sign from a previous address:
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.
One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.
"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.
A sinkhole just opened up in our high Street.
The police are looking into it.
My mom always told me to watch before i cross the street...
Why did she always want me to check the time?
What noise does a street sweeper make?
I found myself bereft at the chaos that run through the winding streets of China town. The horror
Family friends' 4 year old. Why does the fish cross the street?
So he can get on the other side.
Kid burst out laughing....
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer
The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"
A magician was driving down the street
and then he turned into a driveway.
What sound do drag racing street sweepers make?
Be very careful out on the streets...
Because yesterday at around 7:30 pm a clown who was wearing a colourful sweatshirt, pulled out a pair of scissors and stared at me. Luckily I had enough agility and I pulled out a rock, because if I would have pulled out a paper, he would have won
I saw a man on my street today stealing a gate
I didn't say anything in case he took a fence.
Two butts are walking down the street and one farts
- "You took words right out of my mouth" says the other
Did you guys hear the one about the two peanuts walking down the street?
One of them was a salted.
There is a new drug on the streets called Jesus Christ...
Ya, most users are taking the Lord's name in vein.
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
Why did the dish washer cross the street?
There was a fork in the road.
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
What State Has The Most Streets?
I was walking down the street after leaving the pharmacy and noticed a casket was chasing me. Well all I had was a bottle off cough syrup so I threw it at the casket...
...and then the coffin stopped.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all watching a street performer doing some amazing juggling
The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a poor few of the show. So, the juggler stands on a wooden box and asks, “Can you all see me now?”
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"
His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
What do you call a random dog you see on the street?
Nothing, you make weird noises until it comes close enough for you to pet it
A dad meets his friend on the street. “Have you met my daughter Beth?” “No, what’s Beth short for?”
“I don’t know, most three year olds aren’t that tall.”
i turned left on the wrong street while driving...
too late i found the error of my waze.
What’s a Wall Street farmer’s favorite thing to invest in?
For a temp job I had to conduct surveys on the street and often times people would reluctantly comply disclaiming to "Keep it short please!"
So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?
I was walking down the street and suddenly ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.
Two tomatoes crossed the street. One got squashed by a car, the other one passed it and said:
I passed a guy giving away watches on the street.
He must have a lot of free time on his hands.
A guy walks into a Bourbon street bar and asks for a Corona and two Hurricanes.
Bartender says: that’ll be $20.20
I walked down this street where the houses were numbered, 64K, 128K, 256K, and 1MB
That was a trip down memory lane.
A magician was driving down the street when BOOM!
He turned into a driveway.
Two peanuts were walking down the street
Which state has the most streets?