Why did the tree cross the street?

They were opening a new branch on the other side

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarcityflow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
A cable repairman was on our street today and asked what time it is.

I told him it's between 8am and 1pm.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Homer Simpson say when he hit a deer in the street?

D'oe!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spheroman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k,256k, 512k and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy sees a pirate walking down the street with a steering wheel in his pants...

He yells, hey! Hey, pirate! There's a steering wheel in your pants! Pirate says, Aarr, I know! It's driving me nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FeelixOne
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Nightwear on Elm Street.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy who takes pictures for Street View has a cool job.

He goes for Google Drives.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ben_onreddit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
What’s a microscopic dead end street?

Molecule-de-sac

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheesecakeMMXX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog shit on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one:

Deja poo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Scribbler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My street sign from a previous address:
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OZeski
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.

One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.

"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A sinkhole just opened up in our high Street.

The police are looking into it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom always told me to watch before i cross the street...

Why did she always want me to check the time?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethereal_luv
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What noise does a street sweeper make?

Broom! Broom!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ickyfeet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I found myself bereft at the chaos that run through the winding streets of China town. The horror

The wonton destruction.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommyW-Unofficial
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Family friends' 4 year old. Why does the fish cross the street?

So he can get on the other side.

Kid burst out laughing....

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jetsknight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer

The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Si."

"Ja."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A magician was driving down the street

and then he turned into a driveway.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What sound do drag racing street sweepers make?

Broom Broom

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/carblebarble
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Be very careful out on the streets...

Because yesterday at around 7:30 pm a clown who was wearing a colourful sweatshirt, pulled out a pair of scissors and stared at me. Luckily I had enough agility and I pulled out a rock, because if I would have pulled out a paper, he would have won

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a man on my street today stealing a gate

I didn't say anything in case he took a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sticklemac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Two butts are walking down the street and one farts

- "You took words right out of my mouth" says the other

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear the one about the two peanuts walking down the street?

One of them was a salted.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slimkid27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a new drug on the streets called Jesus Christ...

Ya, most users are taking the Lord's name in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrollholio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful

They tasted like asphalt!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/12mpclark
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the dish washer cross the street?

There was a fork in the road.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmk100
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...

It makes no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnykelly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.

They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmanzero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What State Has The Most Streets?

Rhode Island

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetableSalad420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street after leaving the pharmacy and noticed a casket was chasing me. Well all I had was a bottle off cough syrup so I threw it at the casket...

...and then the coffin stopped.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all watching a street performer doing some amazing juggling

The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a poor few of the show. So, the juggler stands on a wooden box and asks, β€œCan you all see me now?”

β€œYes” β€œOui” β€œSi” β€œJa”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"

His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a random dog you see on the street?

Nothing, you make weird noises until it comes close enough for you to pet it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uiltje16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A dad meets his friend on the street. β€œHave you met my daughter Beth?” β€œNo, what’s Beth short for?”

β€œI don’t know, most three year olds aren’t that tall.”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsidahojoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
i turned left on the wrong street while driving...

too late i found the error of my waze.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samyxxx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a Wall Street farmer’s favorite thing to invest in?

Corn Stocks

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
For a temp job I had to conduct surveys on the street and often times people would reluctantly comply disclaiming to "Keep it short please!"

So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Str41nGR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street and suddenly ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Two tomatoes crossed the street. One got squashed by a car, the other one passed it and said:

"ketchup"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkJT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I passed a guy giving away watches on the street.

He must have a lot of free time on his hands.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a Bourbon street bar and asks for a Corona and two Hurricanes.

Bartender says: that’ll be $20.20

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GilreanEstel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked down this street where the houses were numbered, 64K, 128K, 256K, and 1MB

That was a trip down memory lane.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A magician was driving down the street when BOOM!

He turned into a driveway.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VintageVitaminJ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Two peanuts were walking down the street

One was a "salted"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carbide_Inc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Which state has the most streets?

Rhode Island.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danuser8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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