Last light I seen a drunk couple weaving all over the street
I thought ‘honestly, get a loom’.
A man is walking down the street holding a bag of pasta upside down...
And then the penne dropped.
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing street names right off the posts.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the street?
When you visit Boston, what do the street magicians and fish wives have in common?
They will both insist that you “pick a cod”
Why did the tree cross the street?
They were opening a new branch on the other side
2 peanuts were walking down the street...
A guy on my street holds the world record for most concussions
He only lives a stone's throw away
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.
A man was walking g down the street...
When out of nowhere, he gets hit by a car and flipped over. A woman came running over as he was lying on the sidewalk, takes off her jacket and slides it u der his head.
"Are you comfortable?" The woman asked
"Meh, I make a living." He replied.
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k,256k, 512k and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.
What did Homer Simpson say when he hit a deer in the street?
A guy sees a pirate walking down the street with a steering wheel in his pants...
He yells, hey! Hey, pirate! There's a steering wheel in your pants! Pirate says, Aarr, I know! It's driving me nuts!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog shit on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one:
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.
One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.
"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.
My mom always told me to watch before i cross the street...
Why did she always want me to check the time?
I found myself bereft at the chaos that run through the winding streets of China town. The horror
A magician was driving down the street
and then he turned into a driveway.
Be very careful out on the streets...
Because yesterday at around 7:30 pm a clown who was wearing a colourful sweatshirt, pulled out a pair of scissors and stared at me. Luckily I had enough agility and I pulled out a rock, because if I would have pulled out a paper, he would have won
Two butts are walking down the street and one farts
- "You took words right out of my mouth" says the other
Did you guys hear the one about the two peanuts walking down the street?
One of them was a salted.
There is a new drug on the streets called Jesus Christ...
Ya, most users are taking the Lord's name in vein.
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
Why did the dish washer cross the street?
There was a fork in the road.
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz
What State Has The Most Streets?
I was walking down the street after leaving the pharmacy and noticed a casket was chasing me. Well all I had was a bottle off cough syrup so I threw it at the casket...
...and then the coffin stopped.
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"
His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
i turned left on the wrong street while driving...
too late i found the error of my waze.
A dad meets his friend on the street. “Have you met my daughter Beth?” “No, what’s Beth short for?”
“I don’t know, most three year olds aren’t that tall.”
What do you call a random dog you see on the street?
Nothing, you make weird noises until it comes close enough for you to pet it
For a temp job I had to conduct surveys on the street and often times people would reluctantly comply disclaiming to "Keep it short please!"
So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?
I was walking down the street and suddenly ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.
Two tomatoes crossed the street. One got squashed by a car, the other one passed it and said:
I passed a guy giving away watches on the street.
He must have a lot of free time on his hands.
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
I asked the driver if this ride would take me to 4th Street in St.Louis, Missouri.
Did you hear about the man who lost his home and had to live on the streets?
Two hot dogs are walking down the street
One suddenly turns to the other and says
"Mike! Your wiener is showing!"
What do you call it when there is a crack in the street?
I walked down this street where the houses were numbered, 64K, 128K, 256K, and 1MB
That was a trip down memory lane.
A magician was driving down the street when BOOM!
He turned into a driveway.
Two peanuts were walking down the street
Which state has the most streets?
What happened to the magician who was driving down the street?
He turned into a driveway.
Which state has the most streets?
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