I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Why did the lion cross the road?
To get to the other pride
π︎ 38
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
Why does Jesus stay on the other side of the road?
Heβs afraid to get across
π︎ 41
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
Why did the disappointed chicken cross the road
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
Why did the crab cross the road?
He wanted to go on another sidewalk.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Don't blame others for the road you're on
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
"The Road you've taken has been paved by your own decisions"
π︎ 29
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
One time on a road trip we drove through Iowa and stopped at a farm around harvest time. I tried to speak to the farmer about buying some fresh corn π½ but he had no time for me.
βSorry, mister,β he said. βIβm up to my ears in work.β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the side of the road ...
They charged her with littering!
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
there was jelly on the road
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car. I bet you didnβt see that one coming!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
The chicken hadn't evolved yet.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
Son....dad where does this road go??
Dad...nowhere son, it stays right here.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
Me: reading the βNo Fencesβ sign next to the road
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
Yesterday I changed a lightbulb, crossed a road, and walked into a bar.
π︎ 94
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I donβt know, but the road was fuming!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
Because dogs were chasing it.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.
I have no idea when theyβre going to resurface.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because the chickens weren't around
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
It didn't it got hit by a truck ..
Inspires by another terrific joke...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
I saw a guy drop all his Scrabble letters across the road.
I had to ask him, what's the word on the street.
π︎ 98
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
Just saw Mark Knopfler walking down the Road...
He was carrying a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm and a cage with 2 baby birds in his hand.
I asked how much they were and he said, "I got my Monet for nothing and the Chicks for free".
π︎ 18
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
Why did the Hippie cross the road?
Cause he was on a road trip.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Why did the lion cross the road?
Because there was a zebra crossing
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...
...that's your own asphalt!
π︎ 106
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
Road to no wear.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
Why did the pelt thief cross the road?
To get to the otherβs hide.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
In scotland we name all our road gritters pun based names
π︎ 29
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
A chicken and a duck are stood by a road
Chicken clucks to his friend "don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it!"
π︎ 32
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
A magic tractor drove down the road ...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
My friend's 4 year old said this one: Why did the dad cross the road?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
"Road Work Ahead"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
Now that Iβm officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say βI bet he donβt have the guts to do that againβ
Edit: holy shit yβall this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
Why did it take so long for the chicken to cross the road?
There was no eggs-press lane!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
Road Signs Across The Country Are Warning Drivers Of Road Conditions
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
Why is it better to screw up on a road you paved than on one someone else paved?
Because it's your own asphalt.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Three guys: Shutup, Manners and Poop are speeding down a road
They crash and Poop falls out. Shutup runs to the nearby police station asking for help. A policeman asks βWhatβs your name?β
βShutupβ
βExcuse me? Where are your manners?β the policeman replies
βOut on the road scraping up Poop!β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
someone said that the name scar was a bit on the road
but then i say "no its a big one on his eye"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was in a curry.
my bad.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
Why did the cyborg have to rest after his long road trip?
Because he had a hard drive
π︎ 66
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
3 tomatoes crossing the road...
Here's a car - thurrrp
Where? - thurrrp
There - thurrrp
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
I refuse to believe that my road work father was stealing from his job.
But when i got home all the signs were there.
π︎ 101
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
why did the chicken cross the road
to get to the other side γ·οΈ
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Why didn't the otter cross the road?
He chickened out.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Otter side.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
Why didnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in the crack.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
A magic tractor drives down the road...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't. It got run over.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
Why didnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
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