She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
With a batter-ing ram to do it all at once, or you can chocolate chip away at it for a long time.
Because people are dying to get in.
My wife said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
I told them that it was ok, we brought our own.
Bill Gates: I feel like a million dollars.
The first person says “I was a doctor, I saved lives.” St. Peter lets him in.
The second person says “I was a teacher, I educated and inspired hundreds of children”. St Peter lets him in.
The third says “I was a musician, I brought joy and beautiful music to many people.”
St. Peter says “ok, but you’ll have to go around back and come in through the kitchen.”
It's called Parking Son's disease.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.
I can't wait to tell that to people a thousand years from now!
...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."
After dying in a fatal car crash, 3 nuns end up at the pearly gates and the saint there tells them "Since you're so pure of heart and free of sin you can all go into the Kingdom of Heaven if you answer 3 questions. I'm going to ask you one question each."
The saint turns to the first nun and asks: "Who were the first two humans God created?"
She says: "Adam and Eve!"
She gets into Heaven.
The saint turns to the second nun and asks: "What was the one thing Adam and Eve were told not to do in the Garden of Eden?"
She says: "They weren't allowed to eat the fruit of knowledge!"
She gets into Heaven.
The saint turns to the last nun - the mother superior - and says "Since you're the mother superior my last question is going to be difficult to answer, but if you answer correctly you can get into Heaven. So my question for you is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they realized they were naked?"
Now she has to think a little and as she thinks she's close to conceding, uttering "Gee, that's a hard one..."
The saint lets her right into Heaven.
The End.
Because the little moron was a little more on.
Well, he's Notch.
Door: I don't know what to do...
Window: It's going to be okay, you can handle this!
St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
I guess you could say they took offense.
"The opposite of a douche bag"
Thanks, dad.
The jump of a lifetime.
.
I somehow managed to get myself stuck up there. I’m still on the fence about it.
St. Peter: Your number's up Euler, and Isaac Newton says you have to count all the spheres in the universe before you can enter heaven. What say ye?
Euler: Sigma balls, Dick.
Sigma is used to notate summation.
Summation is the process of adding things together.
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
Because it's already long enough
As though it were made of "rot" iron.
Because he thought it was a-door-able.
Because he might take a fence.
I didnt know that was still a requirement to get in!
The baby will elongate.
She asked me, “What are you going to do when you see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
She asked me, “What are you going to do when we see it?”
Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
She said, “ What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
Her: What would you do when we see it?
Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.
It is called Parking Son's disease.
Her: What are you going to do when we see it?
Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
Because people are always dying to get in
