5 hour pun battle with my dad over text
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
He’ll do anything for a buck.
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland.
My lactose intolerant friend had some cheese at the beginning of our eight hour road trip today...
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
My friend opened a tea store. He told me that every time he stocks the bottled tea products, they sell out within hours...
Business has been Brisk, baby!
An hour before 5 in the morning is the best time to cook a sweet potato.
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.
I think I'll skip to track 2 now.
If my toddler misbehaves I sentence him to an hour in the
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Scientists got bored after watching the Earth turn after 24 hours
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........
.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'
I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed.
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
Today my wife accidentally pushed flower pot with her elbow. After 3 hours of arguingshe came to a conclusion that
I put it in the wrong place......
3 years ago
My girlfriend and I just had a fight. She has locked herself in the bathroom for an hour and still hasn't left.
I was drinking and dancing at this club for hours and hours when I dropped my watch
I once ate two pieces of string and an hour later they came out my ass tied together
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".
That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.
It took me two hours to grill a chicken the other day…
And it still didn't tell my why it crossed the road…
My best mates and i played a game of hide and seek, it went on for hours
Good friends are hard to find.
I finally got 8 hours of sleep!
It took 3 days, but whatever.
I have a feeling thistle be going on for hours...
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
I've been searching in this map for the past hour...
And I can't seem to find country music.
My butcher is reducing his working hours
My butcher is going from five days a week to four days a week in order to ease himself into retirement. I don't think I can shop there anymore. It's just too odd having a butcher who can't do cold turkey.
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.
You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.
On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.
That’s why it’s called a “Pandemic”.
Took me an hour to draw this and it was worth it
Early scientists would watch the world spin for 24 hours...
Then they got bored and called it a day.
My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode.
Now that's what I call seizing the day.
A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:
Speak now or forever hold your pee
It takes 10 minutes to walk to the bar, and an hour to walk home.
The difference is staggering.
After waiting for an hour at the doctor's office the nurse came by and said sorry for the wait...
To which I replied, "No problem, I'm patient."
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.
I’ve been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I’m getting really annoyed
It keeps asking me, ‘Where do you want to go?'
So I click on the icon that says ‘Home’ and then it makes me start all over again.
Saw a guy standing outside for hours yesterday. I asked “Are you okay?” He said...
My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.
In short his practice is shrinking.
I went on a date, and all she kept talking about for three hours was olive oil
I’m thinking extra virgin