5 hour pun battle with my dad over text
πŸ‘︎ 957
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malian_Carver
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.

Me: Wait. I can change.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?

He called it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
2020 24 hours to go!

I wanna be sedated.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChristopherLove
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.

He’ll do anything for a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...

... I love it when the clocks go forward!

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Bit of a long one but this was 6 years ago i punned at my sister for an hour reddit.com/gallery/k2ad0t
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adam10boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.

...It was Kief or Southernland.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AquamarineCheetah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My lactose intolerant friend had some cheese at the beginning of our eight hour road trip today...

How dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oz_caution
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend opened a tea store. He told me that every time he stocks the bottled tea products, they sell out within hours...

Business has been Brisk, baby!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
An hour before 5 in the morning is the best time to cook a sweet potato.

Because it's For a Yam!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.

I think I'll skip to track 2 now.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/westtxfun
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
If my toddler misbehaves I sentence him to an hour in the

play-penitentiary.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
You could say I have an hour glass figure

It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chunkzz5159
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists got bored after watching the Earth turn after 24 hours

So they called it a day

πŸ‘︎ 745
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kobykins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!

I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_you-ng
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........

.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my wife accidentally pushed flower pot with her elbow. After 3 hours of arguingshe came to a conclusion that

I put it in the wrong place...... 3 years ago

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/newdoc123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I just had a fight. She has locked herself in the bathroom for an hour and still hasn't left.

I am tired of her shit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was drinking and dancing at this club for hours and hours when I dropped my watch

I lost track of time

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I once ate two pieces of string and an hour later they came out my ass tied together

I shit you knot

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chettamine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".

That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
It took me two hours to grill a chicken the other day…

And it still didn't tell my why it crossed the road…

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My best mates and i played a game of hide and seek, it went on for hours

Good friends are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puranjay1432
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally got 8 hours of sleep!

It took 3 days, but whatever.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i10driver
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a feeling thistle be going on for hours...
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjriddick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been searching in this map for the past hour...

And I can't seem to find country music.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HotWilbury
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My butcher is reducing his working hours

My butcher is going from five days a week to four days a week in order to ease himself into retirement. I don't think I can shop there anymore. It's just too odd having a butcher who can't do cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elquiche
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.

That’s why it’s called a β€œPandemic”.

πŸ‘︎ 860
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Took me an hour to draw this and it was worth it
πŸ‘︎ 468
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Butterytoast_07
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Early scientists would watch the world spin for 24 hours...

Then they got bored and called it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiteRdr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode.

Now that's what I call seizing the day.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazst
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:

Speak now or forever hold your pee

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
It takes 10 minutes to walk to the bar, and an hour to walk home.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
After waiting for an hour at the doctor's office the nurse came by and said sorry for the wait...

To which I replied, "No problem, I'm patient."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.

He was hauling adze!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I’m getting really annoyed

It keeps asking me, β€˜Where do you want to go?'

So I click on the icon that says β€˜Home’ and then it makes me start all over again.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolcalmjeff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a guy standing outside for hours yesterday. I asked β€œAre you okay?” He said...

β€œYeah, I’m outstanding.”

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.

In short his practice is shrinking.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I went on a date, and all she kept talking about for three hours was olive oil

I’m thinking extra virgin

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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