I guess the rules don't apply to me.
Talking amongst the office about current events and the Matt Gaetz scandal came up.
Coworker "An older guy in power taking advantage of young women? That's a tale as old as time..."
Me "From what I've seen the tail wasn't even 18..."
Staff infections.
If so, can you please stop poaching my staff?
...I think I'm suffering from post-part-time depression.
I got tired keeping up with the miner details.
I got sick of all the miner details.
As a fellow ginger she came to me today and introduced herself. Not feeling so well. I politely declined her handshake. Explained that the stomach bug had gotten me. She proceeded to say it was nice to meet a fellow ginger, and followed with "you should drink some ginger tea to help with your stomach."
To which I replied, "Can't. That would be cannibalism."
Took her a second. Then a guffaw.
It really confused me when HR told me it was a STD.
(This actually happened to me. HR emailed my insurance company telling them that I have a STD injury. Now I use the joke all of the time)
True story. Happen about 2 hrs ago.
Back trying. My wife and I both work in the medical field. She runs hospital employee health dept, and I’m the dental director for a public health agency.
My wife had Covid-19 in January. We were talking about the long term, later effects of Covid on people’s health.
Wife: I wonder what the residual effects of Covid-19 are. My left ear hasn’t been right since I had Covid.
Me: Well of course not.
Wife: Why? What have you heard?
Me: Well your left ear can’t feel right. It’s your left ear.
Wife: God, why did I marry you 33 years ago?
More on this after the break.
Seriously the workplace is becoming dangerous. One wrong joke and your HR dpt will hate you. Dad jokes are innocuous, very safe.
Choo Choo, was born at 3:30pm today weighing 6lb 8oz.
I believe his job is very taxing.
I work in the investigations section of a military police department, and aside from our normal office hours, we have 24hr shifts that cycle through the office, so that there's an investigator present and on-duty 24/7/365.
My co-worker was wrapping up some paperwork this morning, and coming off of his 24 hr shift, and almost dead to the world. At the time, a pair of other investigators in my office were discussing some case that had happened a day or two prior that involved an emancipated juvenile.
I was just logging into my workstation to check my e-mail and I turned to my co-worker and asked, "Hey, so when a juvenile gets emancipated, and he announces it - proclaims it, if you will - what would they call that?"
He stares at me with a blank, uncomprehending expression and I continue, "An emancipation...proclamation? Maybe?"
The annoyed groans of someone who's been up for 24 hours are so satisfying.
Local gym, we're on the treadmills close to the doors. A group of Mexican descendants walk out the doors, this is a 24 hr gym after normal business hours. Wife: I wonder if all of them have memberships Me: No, just Juan..... Wife: ..... :/ I swear I'm not racist.
My dad just got me good, talking about a job I'm starting while going to school:
Dad: Did you hear from HR?
Me: yeah I have to go for a drug test.
Dad: Do you have to study?
Me: Wha-oh my god I hate you
I'm the youngest of 5 so he's had a lot of practice
I have been watching our 'tax payer funded' spaceman Major Tim Peake's intergalactic adventures with very limited interest and have done some some pretty basic arithmetic. The ISS is 250 miles above the Earth,and Tim and his spaceman mates took off at 11am -ish, and it took 7 hrs to get there. Fuck me that is just a little over 35 mph, my first car an mk1 escort would have got there quicker!
Boss: "What time is the meeting today?"
Me: "Umm... 2:30"
Boss: "Go see a dentist, then."
I'm filing a report with HR.
http://i.imgur.com/hrFxsXl.jpg
Back story: she's flying home today after a week of vacation. Has 2 connecting flights ~8 hrs
Her- "I hate travel days, I just want to be home." Me- "but you'll be here soon enough" Her- "not uh, its like 8 hrs" Me- "I'm sure those hours will FLY by..."
