I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.

The steaks will be too high for sure.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Negative_Integer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
He’ll be cutting your grass
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Laying on the grass...”two tired”...to move
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.

I told them they were being gracist.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uhh-Whatever
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently, Neil deGrasse Tyson has a brother, who has a very successful grass-cutting business.

Yup. His name is Moe.

πŸ‘︎ 221
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πŸ‘€︎ u/batnuna
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"

The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitethunder9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m like a cow in tall grass,

I’m utterly tickled to be here.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kentfanatic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Baby grass snake says to her mum, am I a poisonous snake?

Mum says no baby.

The baby grass snake says, Thank god for that ive just bitten my toungue.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat just cut the grass.

She's a lawn meower.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hrunthir
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a painter who loves running through the grass?

Jackson Frolic

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/propervernacular
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.

They're over dew.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was it so easy to see the aircraft on the grass lands?

It was in plane sight!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a field of grass always older than you?

Because it’s pasture age

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bhoke23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?

I guess we'll just have to make dew.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aserthreto
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?

Bamboozled!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iiooiooi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died

but he has been lawn gone.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.

I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alarid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?

Well, I guess we’ll just have to make dew!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Wasn’t in the mood to cut the grass.

I really need to get mowtivated.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edward01986
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend played golf with her friend. She lost the engagement ring I bought her in the tall grass by the fairway...

It was a diamond in the rough.

Credit (not quite the same): Frank and Ernest by Thaves for May 02, 2020

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently encountered a grass snake.

He told me lots of bad things about grass.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
It is purple/red and makes a nibbling sound when you squat in the grass

Vegetarian hemorrhoids

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meegja
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.

Please don’t make fun of my re-seeding hare line.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.

It's a lawnboa.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Feel that grass. Do it
πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Google2022
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cows eat grass?

I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scummynornor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When I bought my first house, I planted emo grass.

It cuts itself.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PunchNuggz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Roses are red. Violets are read. The grass is red.

My garden burns

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Berster6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
About to go mow the grass after getting stung by a bee

Told my wife, "I hope I don't have any flash backs to Bee-ietnam"

My stuff is out on the street

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/purpalit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you get high in a patch of tall grass?

A Field Trip

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?

Lawn-Forcement

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshkiba13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Shouldnt foie grass be called quackamole?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_Navarro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?

Cow-workers!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zainchupacabra
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I removed some grass from my front yard in the shape of my favorite movie/video game weapon.

But my HOA informed me that they don't allow sod-off shotguns.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bubblezoid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.

ha ha ha ha ha ha get it?!?!?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyStraw29
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cows like to eat grass?

Cud it’s their favorite food.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/falknorRockman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got my cow to cut all the tall grass in my field.

What a great lawn moo-er!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_nOyOu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow eating grass?

A lawnmoower

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fangboy911
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I would like to cut the grass

But it’s against the lawn

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nu24601
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!

Neighbor Dad 2: That’s on a need to mow basis.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teshlord44
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...

Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SixPhalaris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What fatal mistake did the blade of grass make after being fertilized?

It shouted, β€œI want mower!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waddupmanitsjohn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I’d like to cut the grass

But it’s against the lawn

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/narvez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...

But having a giant rock is boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hailiar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My grass looks so good its chicken proof!

Its impeckable!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peakyd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't decide if I should cut the grass or update the bathroom

I guess I'll just start with Moen

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JAAIA1999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I have emo grass

It cuts itself

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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