My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died

but he has been lawn gone.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?

I guess we'll just have to make dew.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aserthreto
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?

Well, I guess we’ll just have to make dew!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Wasn’t in the mood to cut the grass.

I really need to get mowtivated.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edward01986
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend played golf with her friend. She lost the engagement ring I bought her in the tall grass by the fairway...

It was a diamond in the rough.

Credit (not quite the same): Frank and Ernest by Thaves for May 02, 2020

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I recently encountered a grass snake.

He told me lots of bad things about grass.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.

Please don’t make fun of my re-seeding hare line.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.

It's a lawnboa.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Why do cows eat grass?

I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scummynornor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
Roses are red. Violets are read. The grass is red.

My garden burns

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Berster6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
When I bought my first house, I planted emo grass.

It cuts itself.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PunchNuggz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Feel that grass. Do it
πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Google2022
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
About to go mow the grass after getting stung by a bee

Told my wife, "I hope I don't have any flash backs to Bee-ietnam"

My stuff is out on the street

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/purpalit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you get high in a patch of tall grass?

A Field Trip

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cows like to eat grass?

Cud it’s their favorite food.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/falknorRockman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the grass type Pokemon go to the doctor?

His bulb-was-sore

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cholojojo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?

Lawn-Forcement

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshkiba13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?

Cow-workers!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zainchupacabra
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Shouldnt foie grass be called quackamole?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_Navarro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got my cow to cut all the tall grass in my field.

What a great lawn moo-er!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_nOyOu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow eating grass?

A lawnmoower

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fangboy911
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I removed some grass from my front yard in the shape of my favorite movie/video game weapon.

But my HOA informed me that they don't allow sod-off shotguns.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bubblezoid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...

Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SixPhalaris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What fatal mistake did the blade of grass make after being fertilized?

It shouted, β€œI want mower!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waddupmanitsjohn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!

Neighbor Dad 2: That’s on a need to mow basis.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teshlord44
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...

But having a giant rock is boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hailiar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.

ha ha ha ha ha ha get it?!?!?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyStraw29
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I’d like to cut the grass

But it’s against the lawn

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/narvez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did dad want the grass to be emo?

So it could cut itself

(this might've been posted already, if it has sorry)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NexusJX
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I would like to cut the grass

But it’s against the lawn

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nu24601
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My grass looks so good its chicken proof!

Its impeckable!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peakyd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't decide if I should cut the grass or update the bathroom

I guess I'll just start with Moen

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JAAIA1999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How does one grass blade greet another grass blade?

Water you dewing?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lan_chop
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long....

At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What hurts like hell and smells like grass?

A lawnmower

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StrangeOne101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A cricketer was asked if preferred to play on grass or coconut matting.

He said he doesn’t know β€˜cos he had never smoked coconut matting.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Cutting the grass
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theboiinblu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I was allowed on the grass the other day at school

I was allowed on the grass the other day at school- it field me with joy

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orangutan_Monkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
You guys, I’m a dad and I have to say it.... I feel like a cow walking through tall grass

I’m udderly tickled to be here!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/go_see_a_shrink
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The price of grass fed beef is higher than grain fed beef, but you wanna know what beef is the most expensive?

Weed fed beef... High Steaks!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chefboyclakie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
The gardener lost his roll of grass.

He looked forlorn.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edmenz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
When you see fake grass for the first time

"That's sod"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1-STARrating
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone has been adding better grass to my yard!

What a sod!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad has found a new way of cutting the grass.

He tells dad jokes until the lawns moan.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Keep of the grass [OC] m.imgur.com/RFDQLHc
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tamper2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Grass grows by inches

But dies by feet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Don’t grass on the thief. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ASmallFish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I tend to give money to homeless people, who I find sleeping on the grass, on a winter morning.

I always give credit where it's dew.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that cuts your grass?

A lawn mooer.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyPilgrim15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Why were the kids falling onto the grass?

Because it was a field trip.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
A guy got kicked out of the Al's society for cutting the grass.

Protesters surrounded the building shouting: "Re-member the Al who mowed!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HumanAsFarAsIKnow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to cut the grass,

I replied, I'm not really mowtivated

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imthaaatguy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad just wants my brother to cut the grass.

http://i.imgur.com/fG7lAT2.png

πŸ‘︎ 879
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinjamesfan69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
🚨︎ report
How does the Mafia kill grass?

They mow it down

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incompletecow15
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw Stevie Wonder cutting the grass.

It was blind mowing.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/donz0r
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2016
🚨︎ report
What is the scariest grass?

Bam-boo

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MewThree1416
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
How does a cat cut its grass?

With a lawnmeower

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anezgoer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
🚨︎ report
From my 8yo daughter: What is grass’ favorite Disney movie?

Mu-lawn.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
It's about time we got some wet grass.

I think it is dew.

(/r/jokes kicked me over here with my humble offering)

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilipWaterford
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Where did the grass go on vacation?

Soddy Arabia.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FattyDD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbour's grass keeps cutting itself...

I am think it's emow.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fred1840
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is the grass depressed?

It's forever a lawn.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aakaakaak
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
🚨︎ report
What organization makes sure the grass is nice and green?

Law-n-forcement

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Equistice
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Cut the grass shirtless today.

My brother took one look at me and said it was the worst case of mowlawn rouge he had ever seen.

He gets a groan and a high five from this guy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Evolving-North
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
🚨︎ report
So my new dog doesn't like to poop in the grass...

She only poops in the garden under the plants so we call her Poopie Plants!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pancakies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Ive been trying to work out if the grass really is greener on the other side.

But so far I'm still on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomDrunk88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2017
🚨︎ report
What does a mouse and some grass have in common?

Cat'll eat it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthEwok42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a kingdom ruled by grass?

A lawnarchy

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/projectimperfect
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_luxio
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I Caught My Dog Chewing Grass

Seems like he needed some ruffage.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pfheonix
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new greens keeper at Wembley? The one doing all the experimental grass cutting techniques.

His colleagues are calling him the avant-gardener

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sheik_yerboutis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
🚨︎ report
A farmer told me he sells grass

What a sod life

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2017
🚨︎ report
The grass is always Grenier on the other side. imgur.com/ZufqrXi
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joejustperusing
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
🚨︎ report
How's the grass.

My dad was giving me and a friend a lift to football and I was on the phone to a friend already at the football pitch and I ask "how is the grass" my dad turns to me and says "green" suddenly there is a wave of uncontrolable laughter crashing through the car and I just have sit there in the shame at being ripped by my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
🚨︎ report
My friend Will and I were outside at school. when the girls starting piling together dead grass, he said ...

"Hay, everybody!"

The groaning was "unstackable"!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Watching a show where researchers collect bugs using a large cotton cloth dragged over the grass to count them

Dad - Guess you could call that a tick sheet

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrumpyErnie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Doctor, Doctor - I can't stop thinking about the Green Green Grass of Home!

The doctor replies "Hmmm, Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it rare?" asked the man

"It's not unusual..."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
🚨︎ report
I have emo grass

It cuts itself

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I would like to cut the grass,

but it's against the lawn.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wartiman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report

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