Can a grasshopper jump higher than a house?

Of course, houses don't jump at all

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bastelnd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper walks into a bar...

He orders a beer from the bartender who says to him, "Hey, you know we got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper replies, "You've got a drink named Fred?"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeChadley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "We've got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says:

"you've got a drink named Eugene?"

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edequalluv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Wow a GrassHopper is out. It’s kinda odd but I’ve seen Stranger Things.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Livmativ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper walks into a bar

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, β€œHey, did you know we have a drink named after you?”

The grasshopper replies, β€œReally? You have a drink named β€˜Steve’?”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blake4Bama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are the grasshoppers all cultists?

Because they're in sects.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GIGAR
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a religious grasshopper?

A preying mantis.

P.S. I proceeded to call myself ingenious after making this while pointing at the jeans I was wearing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mukundan_chariar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper hops into a bar, hops on a bar stool, and the bartender says, β€œHey, we got a drink named after you.”

The grasshopper responds, β€œNorman?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shadyood
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A Grasshopper goes into a bar

He orders a beer. The bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper says "you have a drink named Gus?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SyrupySex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper walks into a bar

The bartender says β€œwhat’ll it be?” Grasshopper says β€œI’m not sure any suggestions?” Bartender says β€œwell you know we have a drink named after you!” Grasshopper says

β€œyou have a drink named Carl Tillerson?!?”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scootsmagoots3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the Mormon say to the grasshopper?

We’re in-sects

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper walks into a bar...

The bartender says "Hey, did you know we have a drink that is named after you?"

The grasshopper looks at him, puzzled. Then says "You make a drink named Steve?"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DGlen
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Patience dad grasshopper (x-post from r/IAmA) imgur.com/BAEBAq8
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BK0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
🚨︎ report
This is why he is still the master, and I am just a young grasshopper.

He had found a flashlight on his bike ride when this happened http://imgur.com/BgSjzfD

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ememsee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
🚨︎ report
What drink does a frog order at the bar?

A mo-squito...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/discostuu72
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Ham Sandwich walks into a bar..

Strolls up to the bartender and says 'Pint of lager please mate'

Bartender looks the Ham Sandwich up and down and says 'Sorry mate, we don't serve food here'

πŸ‘︎ 957
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2016
🚨︎ report
A New Year’s folk tale

Bee was making a list for her New Year’s Eve party. She asked her friend Grasshopper for help.

β€œWho should I invite?” β€œHow about those ants that’ve been your next door neighbors for years? You invite them every year.” β€œI guess so… I find them a bit old-fashioned though.” β€œI think they’re quaint. Also you should invite the new young ant family down the street.” β€œYeah, they seem so nice.”

Bee sent out most of her invites but in her rush forgot her next door neighbors. New Year’s Eve came and the party started at Bee’s house. Grasshopper came early to help Bee out as always, and noticed the unsent invites on the counter. Oh well, too late. The doorbell rang and Grasshopper went to open the door. It was the ants from next door.

And so it came to be that Grasshopper said to himself on New Year’s Eve:

β€œShoot, the older quaint ants Bee forgot.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OneFootTitan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Trust issues

Our son came running into the house, and breathlessly asked, "when are we going to replace those stairs?"
Husband asks him, "why would we replace the stairs?"
Meanwhile, I'm trying to consider all the possible ways a kid could manage to damage a concrete stoop.
Son says, "I don't trust them, they're always up to something."
Without missing a beat, husband responds with, "they've been supporting you your entire life, I think they've earned your trust by now."

Better luck next time, young Grasshopper.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/outsitting
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
🚨︎ report
A Grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender says: "We have a drink named after you."

Grasshopper says: "You have a drink named Steve?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/datbabyaintmine1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper walks into a bar

The bartender says β€œwe have a drink named after you.” Grasshopper says β€œReally, you got a drink named Steve”

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/armsleevedude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A grasshopper walks into a bar, the bartender says, "hey we have a drink named after you!"
  • "you have a drink named Steve?"
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toastyparty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.