I told her to look them up on the web.
It's called Shallot's Web
Person: So Spider what's your new year's resolution?
Spider: To spend more time with my family instead of on the web.
(If you don't get it, it is that spiders have a spider web).
I think I’ll call it “Mr. Holland’s Opus”
He uses his Spider Census.
They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the world are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"
Because it's sπder we're talking about.
Because his resume said he was a web designer.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
Use this nursery rhyme to play "scary/gross monster" with your tyke:
"The itsy bitsy spider climbed into Mia's mouth
Down to her ears and crawling in and out!
Out through her nose and tickled with her legs,
She made Mia sneeze her brains to scrambled eggs!
achoo splat bleah"
Substitute $name for Mia.
Spider hand chases while Dad reclines on bed. Tyke busily baits and counterattacks.
I dunno whether this qualifies as a Dad joke, but my wife hated it until she saw how much my daughter liked it. I feel like that fits the spirit of Dadness. For maximum results, send your wife the poem first.
I guess you could call it a quip pro quo.
He hoped to receive super strength, but it was just naan-sense.
I don’t care how big a spider is, Nobody steals my shoe!
Because they don't like corn on the cobweb
They look great but the fly keeps getting stuck
So that he could design his own website.
Are the only web developers in the world who like finding bugs.
It tweeted out the location of the website.
CRAB on your ORGAN. xD
Our son was trapped in the spider-verse.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
"Fair enough," I shouted back, "which one does he want to read?"
It had too many butterflies.
Iraq no phobia...
Because with great power comes great response ability.
Unicorn on the cob web
All they do is spin around.
None. Spiders don’t make apps; they only design web sites!
It was an airachnid
Have a webbing.
Don't worry it's under CTRL
Because, with great power comes great response ability
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
Went to the bar, had a few drinks, nice guy, turns out he's a Web designer
We had some drinks, cool guy, he wants to be a web developer