Into the Spider-Puns
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︎ Jun 29 2019
My sister asked me for some spider puns...
I told her to look them up on the web.
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︎ Dec 29 2012
In Iran, everyone is so very affaid of spiders..
.. but in Iraq no phobia.
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︎ Jan 24 2021
What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
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︎ Jan 29 2021
What does (do?) a spider and a grape have in common?
Everything, except one has 8 legs and the other is a grape.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Mom told me to take out the spider
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︎ Nov 16 2020
For his birthday, a boy wants a pet spider.
His dad takes him to an exotic pet store, where they see a big, hairy spider. The father asks how much it costs. βThatβs fifty dollars,β the clerk replies.
βFifty bucks!β the dad exclaims. βForget that, Iβll just find a cheap one off the web.β
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︎ Jan 24 2021
So spider..
Person: So Spider what's your new year's resolution?
Spider: To spend more time with my family instead of on the web.
(If you don't get it, it is that spiders have a spider web).
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Since they are filming Spider-Man 3 near my house, I thought Iβd write the lead actor an orchestral piece...
I think Iβll call it βMr. Hollandβs Opusβ
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Spider-Man has many incredible powers, including the ability to know how many spiders there are around the world.
He uses his Spider Census.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...
They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the world are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"
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︎ Oct 26 2020
Ever wonder how spider makes a circle-shaped web perfectly?
Because it's sΟder we're talking about.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
What's harder to remove from an apartment than six spiders?
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I was so sure my new hire was Spider-Man
Because his resume said he was a web designer.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
Itsy Bitsy Spider β Dad version
Use this nursery rhyme to play "scary/gross monster" with your tyke:
"The itsy bitsy spider climbed into Mia's mouth
Down to her ears and crawling in and out!
Out through her nose and tickled with her legs,
She made Mia sneeze her brains to scrambled eggs!
achoo splat bleah"
Substitute $name for Mia.
Spider hand chases while Dad reclines on bed. Tyke busily baits and counterattacks.
I dunno whether this qualifies as a Dad joke, but my wife hated it until she saw how much my daughter liked it. I feel like that fits the spirit of Dadness. For maximum results, send your wife the poem first.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Spider-Man offered to give me spidey powers to invent new quips for him.
I guess you could call it a quip pro quo.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Remember Spider Pig from the Simpsons movie? I figured out his secret identity!
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Did you hear about that chef at the Indian restaurant that was bitten by a radioactive spider?
He hoped to receive super strength, but it was just naan-sense.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
This morning I killed a huge spider with my shoe
I donβt care how big a spider is, Nobody steals my shoe!
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Why don't spiders eat sweetcorn?
Because they don't like corn on the cobweb
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own website.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I just tried on my Spider-Man pants for a costume party
They look great but the fly keeps getting stuck
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Spiders
Are the only web developers in the world who like finding bugs.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
What did the bird do when it found a spider?
It tweeted out the location of the website.
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︎ Oct 07 2020
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
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︎ Sep 16 2020
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
My son kept singing the first line to the Spider-Man song over and over. So we took him to the doctor who gave us the bad news:
Our son was trapped in the spider-verse.
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Spiders!
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︎ Aug 13 2020
What is the favourite sport of the ten legged spider?
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︎ Aug 24 2020
"Spider!" yelled my wife from upstairs "bring up the newspaper".
"Fair enough," I shouted back, "which one does he want to read?"
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︎ Sep 14 2020
I hate when spiders kill flies, theyβre such buzz killers
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︎ Jun 05 2020
How did the spider get so fat?
It had too many butterflies.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
How do spiders make their web?
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︎ Sep 16 2020
How does Spider-Man think of such witty comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response ability.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
What do you call a spider from the Middle East?
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︎ Jul 14 2020
What do you call a unicorn being eaten by a spider?
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︎ Aug 30 2020
I just found out spiders are dizzy all the time.
All they do is spin around.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
What do you call Spider-Man when his hands shake all the time?
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︎ Sep 01 2020
How many spiders does it take to create an app?
None. Spiders donβt make apps; they only design web sites!
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Whatβs a spiderβs favourite brand of cooker (oven)?
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︎ Aug 29 2020
There was a spider on my flight today
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︎ Aug 15 2020
What does a spider have if it is into spiders with really long legs?
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︎ Aug 25 2020
In Iran everyone is so very afraid of Spiders, but in
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︎ Aug 05 2020
Why does Spider-Man always have such good comebacks?
Because, with great power comes great response ability
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︎ Jul 07 2020
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
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︎ Sep 24 2019
My wife asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it
Went to the bar, had a few drinks, nice guy, turns out he's a Web designer
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it
We had some drinks, cool guy, he wants to be a web developer
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︎ Apr 13 2020
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