Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artifically inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
They’re out standing in their field
If so, can you please stop poaching my staff?
Not wanting to walk, I had to burro it.
This is helpful because the bull charges.
Because of all the moosick!
A litre in their field.
When he rounded them up he had 200.
It's pasture bedtime
Because they go to bed pasture bedtime.
Yep. It's called pasture-ized milk.
Because it’s pasture age
When it’s pasture bedtime.
It’s pasture bedtime.
It's pasture bedtime!
It's pasture bedtime
No? Oh. It must have gotten...pasturized!
It's pasture bedtime.
They didn’t have a stable relationship!
It’s pasture bedtime.
I'm definitely gonna call it "Pasture Prime"
Because it’s pasture bedtime.
But she couldn't put it pasture.
The insect police force was tracking one of these malaria-mosquitos, when the mosquito fled to a farm. First, she tried to hide in the house, until the farmer chased her away with a newspaper. She tried to hide in the barn with the horses, but the barn cat took a few swipes at the mosquito, and chased it from the barn.
Finally, the mosquito set eyes on sheep in the pasture.she decided all that thick wool would be the perfect place to hide from the insect police force.
The police force arrived shortly after. They first went to the house. No mosquito. They searched the horses. No mosquito. Finally, they got to the pasture with the sheep. After searching and searching, they could not find where the mosquito had hidden.
The mosquito was on the lamb.
An art critic was judging paintings at an event.
The first one was a bland painting of the earth. not too bad, but nothing out of this world.
The second one was a blank painting. Why they even turned it it, don’t ask.
The third one though. The third one was a beautifully crafted painting of a sheep.
The art critic turned to the artist. All they had to say was, “Wow, I am wooly astonished. The shear amount of detail of this art ewe made, which definitely lambs you into first place. This might be way pasture standards, but too baaad, don’t be sheepish. This piece definitely separates the sheep from the goats, it will definitely farm you some moo-lah.
its pasture bed time
It’s pasture bedtime!
it's pasture bedtime.
Its pasture bed time!
to see her two calves watching tv, she grabs the remote, turns it off and says “okay you two. time to hit the hay, it’s pasture bedtime.”
The movie's signature line was "here's looking at ewe kid."
Milk because before you know it, it's pasturize
Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.
Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)
Now these are puns all about COWS
Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.
And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle
And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.
In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.
In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.
Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.
TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.
When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me
Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.
I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared
She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.
I whistled for a calf and when it came near
Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!
If anything I can say this STEAK is rare
But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!... keep reading on reddit ➡
It's pasture bedtime.
He can't afford to buy a whole herd of cows all at once, but he figures he can start small and work up. So he buys a dozen cows and two bulls. He puts the bulls in separate pastures, and splits the cows evenly, and waits. After a couple weeks, he realizes that most of the cows in one pasture are pregnant, but on the other side of the fence, nothing has been happening. He calls up his neighbor, Elmer, an old country feller who has been farming since he could walk. "See, there's your problem," the old man says, "That one's a bull, but the other's a steer." The city slicker says, "Well, I don't know what the difference is. Could you put it in terms I might understand better?" Elmer says, "Well..."
"One's regular and the other is de-calf."
Me: If we go in December, we should take an extra day to check out the cow pastures. Her: Cow pastures? Me: Yeah. In the winter, they have a lot of cool shit. Her: sigh
I once had a goat. One that nobody understood why he did the things he did, and he resented us all for it. So much so that he would head butt and attack anyone that tried to get close. He was just such a misunderstood soul. One day, I was looking out the window with my morning coffee when I saw that a passing stranger was sitting atop that old and rusted '55 Chevy pickup that sat in the pasture petting the goat. The goat had finally found someone that really understood him. I watched amazed as this stranger reached a closeness with the goat that I myself would never know . "Wow" I whispered to myself, "that man really gets my goat..."
"Get to bed! It's pasture bed time!!"
Three bulls one large, one medium, and one small are out of grass in their pasture. The large bull looks over next to their pasture and sees another pasture with beautiful and lush grass, so he takes a few steps back and charges straight into the fence and breaks it! The large bull started eating.
The two smaller bulls come in too and start eating the new grass.
"Hey!" said the large bull, "I put in the effort to eat this grass, go find your own!"
So the medium bull finds another pasture right next to the ones they're in, then he charges at the fence and breaks it and starts eating in that pasture. So the small bull comes in and starts eating.
"Hey!" exclaimed the medium bull, who then continued on to give the same spiel that the large bull gave the two smaller bulls.
Then the small bull looks around, but doesn't see any new grass fields. However, he spots a fence that led to a road. So the small bull opens the gate and walks and walks and walks to find that pasture.
Wanna know... keep reading on reddit ➡
We were driving by a cow pasture earlier and I pointed out the window and told my wife "that's some bullshit right there!"
A few seconds later it hit her, and all she did was roll her eyes at me and shake her head.
In honor of Fathers Day, I'll share my father's two favorite jokes.
As a kid, whenever I would do something good in school, as in pass a test or get a good grade, my father would say "Wow, you're so bright, I should call you sun"
Whenever somebody would be leaving our house, whether it be friends or other family (nobody was safe) his closing line would be "well if I don't see you in the future, I guess I'll see you in the pasture!"
One day a farmer's mare birthed two foals. One was named Hobbin, and the other Noggin. The two horses grew up and loved to race each other. One day the farmer noticed the two racing each other around the pasture and thought to himself, "Wow! These horses are quick!" So the next day he entered them into a local derby. As the race was about to start, the horses were rearing and snorting to get let out of the gate. As soon as the gates swung open, both horses immediately bolted to the front of the race as the announcer was going wild, "It's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, and Hobbin wins by a nose!" Excited by the win, the farmer then enters them into the Kentucky Derby. Once again, as soon as the gates open, both horses fly to the front of the race and it's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. This continues in every race until Hobbin has won the Triple Crown. By this point the farmer is be... keep reading on reddit ➡
As we pass a pasture full of sheep on a particularly bumpy road:
"Man this road is baaaaaaaad."
I've been in a car all day waiting to get home to tell this one. As we were driving down the road, we pass by a pasture full of hay bales when all of a sudden my sister yells out "hey daddy!" My dad responds with a generic "yes?" To which my sister replies with "oh, I was just showing you the hay over there." I love my sister.
They were in the pasture munchin' on all their grass, but they realise that they are almost out of grass to eat, and that the pasture next to them has untouched grass. "I'm going to that pasture" said the big bull. So he reared up, and smashed through the fence into the pasture and proceeded to eat. The other two bulls followed and started to eat.
"Hold up" the big bull exclaimed, "I did all the work to get into this pasture, you two find your own."
So the medium bull found another pasture to break into, reared up, and smashed into the pasture next to the new one. The medium bull starts feasting on his new grass. The small bull follows suit.
"Hold up" Said the medium bull. "This is my pasture. Find your own."
So the small bull looks around, but there aren't any more pastures. However there is a small gated fence leading to the street. So the small bull charges and smashes through the fence and looks around. He decided to walk on the sidewalk until he finds another pasture. So he wa... keep reading on reddit ➡
Dad: "Well, have a good day, if I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture!"
Were driving and our gps says "take left at pasture road" Dad:"pasture road? What, did we miss our turn?"
GF sister: Have you ever seen a Roman horse? They are so weird looking
GF: What's a Roman horse?
Me: The ones walking around the pasture
It's pasture bedtime
It’s PASTURE your bedtime.
Its pasture bedtime