My wife got upset when she found two cows grazing in our front yard

I told her: "But honey, you told me to MOO the lawn!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Hundreds of birds came from the woods and were harassing sheep grazing in the fields.

So a black sheep took it upon himself to run into the woods to stop the birds. And it worked! The moral of the story? Lonely ewe can prevent forest flyers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedpetez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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The T-Rex lumbered over the ridge and looked down at the numerous plant-eaters grazing in the lush, green valley. "This place is familiar," he said,

"I've eaten herbivore."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyOatey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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Driving by some cows who were grazing in a flooded field.

Father-in-law: they should have mooved them.

Me: they should have steaked it off.

Uncle: the farmer doesn't seem to be having a cow.

a few minutes later, as I'm posting this

Uncle: You really are milking this.

Cousin: that's utterly terrible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/medicaaron
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
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Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?

Cause that's when the steaks are highest.

Edit: Well this is rare, I wasn't sure how well done this joke was. Thanks for the face palm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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I’ve just been attacked by a herd of cows.

I’m ok, but I’ve been badly grazed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 14
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Drugstores across the nation are reporting a shortage of plasters for cuts and grazes.

Manufacturers are determined to find a band-aid solution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marty085
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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The Graze Gatsby
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvinal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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You graze me up
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πŸ‘€︎ u/truddilutten
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2015
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Two cows in a field...

There are these two cows in a field gazing away when one cow says to the other cow, "Mooooooooo" The first cow looks at him and thinks a moment and says, "You know, I was thinking the very same thing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Korleonis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
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At first, the buffalo father insisted his boy was only going through a graze ...

... but eventually realized he loved and accepted his bison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fubo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
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Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...

It's graze anatomy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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I'm a dad, here's my joke: Which range animal likes to graze naked?

A BUFF-alo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/futurestorms
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2013
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There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors...

It’s called Graze Anatomy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep...

Fortunately, I was only grazed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porkchop_d_clown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Did you hear about the cow that almost ran into the fence?

Luckily it saw the fence in enough time, and it just grazed it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Why did the cows keep returning to the weed field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikMFoss
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
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My cows started smoking marijuana.

The steaks have never been higher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
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Why are cows such bad shots?

Cause all they do is graze.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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Some people try to learn the whole layout of the human body in one go, as if they’re devouring a meal...

...but I prefer to graze anatomy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElLordHighBueno
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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What’s a cows favorite TV show?

Graze anatomy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshooahdohhm
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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What is a sheep's favorite show?

Graze anatomy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karpish_the_smol
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
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Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fil

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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As I was telling him about this subreddit...

Dad: Hey son, whats a metaphor? Me: It compares two... Dad: COWS TO GRAZE IN!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheeWeevil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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I feel my livestock professor could cover information better...

...It feels like he really GRAZES over the information.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZSR2010
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
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The Tale of Hobbin & Noggin

One day a farmer's mare birthed two foals. One was named Hobbin, and the other Noggin. The two horses grew up and loved to race each other. One day the farmer noticed the two racing each other around the pasture and thought to himself, "Wow! These horses are quick!" So the next day he entered them into a local derby. As the race was about to start, the horses were rearing and snorting to get let out of the gate. As soon as the gates swung open, both horses immediately bolted to the front of the race as the announcer was going wild, "It's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, and Hobbin wins by a nose!" Excited by the win, the farmer then enters them into the Kentucky Derby. Once again, as soon as the gates open, both horses fly to the front of the race and it's Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin, Hobbin-Noggin, Noggin-Hobbin and again, Hobbin wins by a nose. This continues in every race until Hobbin has won the Triple Crown. By this point the farmer is be

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Umkazto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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My dad told me this one when I was a kid

Once upon a time, there was a bull named Hannibal.

One day, he looked to the adjacent field, seperated by barbed wire, and saw a beautiful female cow grazing there. Naturally, being the show-off that he was, he decided to jump over the barbed wire fence to impress the lady. From that day onward, people just called him Hanni.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joris914
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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I had a shower

I had a shower last night, and the humidity in the room made the floor a little slippery. As I was towelling off, the mop in the corner slipped and grazed my leg.

All I could think was "That almost cleaned me up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesterfraud
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
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