Scrape Puns

Only been getting 25% off.

Still only managed to get 10% off....

Didn’t really work though, I only got 20% off

This calls for cell abrasion.

This morning, I used a discount card from my wallet, but it was no good. I only got 20% off.

Oinkment

Because it was his Cat-Ass-Trophy

I'd tell my dad my knee hurt and he'd say "Is it your low knee or your hiney?"

My siblings and I would laugh each time, even when we were crying.

Me: Be right down, I'm reading reddit.

Dad: What's taking so long? It's only 6 letters.

Source.

I only managed to get 20% off.

Because his Dad told him thyme heals all wounds.

Because thier marriage was the rocks.

Sorry, that was me scraping the bottom of the barrel for a joke.

I could go on.

Am barely scratching the surface.

I asked, “Why are you doing that?”

He responded with, “I’m making music. I call this ‘death metal’”

They crash and Poop falls out. Shutup runs to the nearby police station asking for help. A policeman asks “What’s your name?” “Shutup” “Excuse me? Where are your manners?” the policeman replies “Out on the road scraping up Poop!”

Kidney problems.

I was going to offer a hand but my wife told me it's not a good idea to de-ice with death

..She's not going to make any progress at that rate.

So my kids are clearing the dishes after dinner, it’s their job every day. My daughter was scraping all the scraps in the bin, which contained some food. Son: “Jeze Lauren you need to be more considerate, every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes”.... Ded 💀

I'd probably just about scrape bronze

...but I'm slowly getting over it.

They both end up scraping the bottom of the barrel.

I might have assthma, butt it could be type two diabooties. I hope these puns aren't bumming you out, they're just for the crack. I don't mean to be cheeky, although I might be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Butt some of them are easy to get behind

You don't have to be anal about it, its not like you're the butt of the joke. I mean anusthing is possible, I think I'm getting to the rear end of these puns now.

It's asstounding how long this is lasting. I mean I don't want to half-ass it. Okay, I'll leave out the back door, but its so dark out, I can even see the full moon!

Just kidding I'm back.... side. Okay okay I'll bring it to a robust end. It's all behind me now.

So as a kid, I was super clumsy. I could barely take two steps without falling down. And every time, I scraped my knee. I would get up crying and find my dad And every time, the conversation went like this:

Me: Dad I hurt my knee.

Dad: Your high knee or your low knee?

Edit: Hiney (sounds like high knee) is another name for a butt. You know it's a dad joke when you have to explain it....

My 18 year old daughter has a scrape on her knee. My 10 year old saw it and asked what happened. I told her it was from kick boxing. The 10 year old looked at 18 year old and said "how did you grow up with him?"

Anytime I used to fall and scrape or bump my knee the conversation with my dad would go something like this when he noticed I'd fallen.

Dad: "What happened?"

Me: "I hurt my knee."

Dad: "Which knee? Your left knee, your right knee, or your weenie?"

One student in culinary was getting flour from the bottom of a bin used to hold it. Since there wasnt much, it takes a couple tries to get a few scoops. So naturally:

"Hey student, looks like you're really scraping the bottom of the barrel

Few people laughed so I followed up with "screw you that's funny"

It didn’t really work though, only got 20% off