I gots two words that will leave you all scratching your heads.
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
I finally got my cat to use a scratching post instead of my couch!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
I never think twice about scratching myself
it's always a rash decision
I was wondering why Popeye keeps scratching himself at Soul Cycle...
Turns out he has a lot of spin itch...
I saw my son scratching his knee
I asked him if he had a 123.
Confused, he looked at me and asked what I meant.
I stared back and said, you have an ichi ni san.
Why was the elephant itchy and scratching himself?
I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard when I ran into Vanilla Ice vigorously scratching his head.
One to make you scratch your pool noodle
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus
What did the Japanese man say when he saw his boy scratch his leg?
1 2, 3?
Edit: read the numbers in Japanese
Why did the ear itchiness keep coming back after being scratched?
My cat scratches me to get my attention, I like to think he doesn't realize he's hurting me,
he just has issues with claws and effects.
Why can’t the T-Rex scratch their back?
A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor and as I got out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.” I replied, “Don’t call me son, you’re not my dad.” He scratched his head and said...
“No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
“Because they have no balls to scratch”
My girlfriend has been experimenting with fermentation and the other day she made a bread from scratch.
Santa and the elves are drinking around the fire and one of the elves says:
“Santa: you’ve been around since the 4th century, seen alphabets and languages rise and fall. Do you have a favorite letter?”
Claus thinks about it, scratches his thick white beard and says: “A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z”
“Well Santa, I just asked for one. What does that mean?”
“And I gave you one! My favorite letter of the alphabet is the most Christmasy one out there! No-L!”
Check out the battle scar on my arm. Made from scratch.
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore
I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."
I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.
My first job was telling golfers how much time a scratch player should take to complete a hole on the golf course...
I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch
(true story) My partner had a scratch on his face
I said, "Oh, how'd you get that?"
He was like, "I honestly don't remember, I came home and noticed it."
I put my hand on his forehead and said, "Do you have a fever?"
He said, "Nope, I feel fine."
And I said, "Good ............... it's not a cat scratch then."
He still gets mad about when I bring it up.
When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
You scratch the surface when you make a homemade chicken pot pie.
Son: I scratched my phone's screen
I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
My Uncle got a scratch off map for his birthday.
As he was walking it over to his car he said “be careful guys 🎶 I’ve got the whole world in my hands🎶”
Wife: I’m going to make the roux from scratch.
Me: Can you make it kanga flavored?
Wife: What?
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
My dad scratched the P off of my vintage pokemon card
My first response was “okemon”
I was having trouble making bread from scratch
Then I remembered, you have to whisk it to get the biscuit.
Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up?
Because they have no balls to scratch!
Why does my wife rub her eyes when she wakes up?
Because she has no balls to scratch
I have an itch
Scratch that! I had an itch.
A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments
That has left scientists scratching their heads
A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
There’s a mysterious strain of head lice going around
Scientists are still scratching their heads about it
A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments
It has left scientists scratching their heads.
I bought some dandruff treatment, but it did not come with instructions.
It left me scratching my head.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
