Engrave Puns

I am buying him a bottle opener before I go back stateside (USMC) and cannot figure out what to get engraved on it. He is kinda stale, so dry sense of humors welcome!

It was a huge catastrophe.

He is known to engrave things, though.

because it's not Under Pressure

I bought some guitar picks for my partner's belated bday and I want to have some musical puns engraved on them. I don't know enough about music to do a good job. I need puns that play on musical theory or musical notes, method, whatever... Anything that's more clever than "I pick you", which I think is cute but also underwhelming. These are guitar picks though, so short and simple are best. NSFW acceptable. PLE ASE HALP!!!

I'm not into knives but she got me an engraved benchmark 9160sbk auto triage. I told her it was pointless

I recently won a bowling ball that has a color pattern that looks like space. I want to get it engraved with an awesome bowling/space pun but I cant think of anything. Any suggestions?

I honestly just had a dream that belongs here. At the start of the dream, I meticulously engraved the word "Over" into a knife when I started getting all these friends and old contacts telling me to leave them alone and blocking me... when I didn't say shit. I finally notice somebody is going through my contacts on all social media one at a time and just ruining friendships sending lewd photos of their junk.

I realize it's coming from my computer at home and I can't get remoted into it so I start driving home... only to get caught in a bunch of tornados. One smaller one picks me up and throws my car about 20ft knocking my wheel loose.

I limp my car away from that tornado only to find another doing like a Mexican standoff with me on the highway. I turned to the random person in my passenger seat holding up the knife and said "Wind or Loose, it'll be Over in a Flash" and I woke up. Now I feel the need to change all my passwords...

I was doing my living will today and when I went over where it specifies my cremation I suddenly had the brightest idea of adding the following:

> .. On the jar for my ashes, please engrave the following: "Hi, I'm sorry if I look a bit ashen today..".

I wonder..