Dad: What’s the best way to affix a mask to your face? Me: I don’t know.

Dad: Masking tape.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/FolksyDrop97879
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I saw a donkey with a stained glass window affixed to it's rear end...

What a pane on the ass!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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"Timeless" Actual Dad Joke From Actual Dad (Mine)

This is said every time my entire family gets on a plane -- admittedly infrequently -- and we're taxiing on the runway:

(Dad, gazing out the window of the plane with a look of wonder affixed to his face)

"Look at all those people down there. They look like ants."


"Wait, they ARE ants."

(family groans, as we have for 25 years or more).

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/_cornbread_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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[long pun, bear with it] A father and son are going fishing...

The father is showing his son how to prepare the fishing rod, how to set the line, and how to affix the bait. Father: "Now son, you can use many different kinds of bait. This worm, for example." The father says as he weaves the worm onto the hook and casts the line. Son: "What happens next dad?" As if on cue, the father pulls against the line, calling forth a panicked fish from the water. The son exclaims in amazement, as the father prepares the line for his next cast. He reaches into the tackle box, and beings to attach something to the hook. Son: "Dad, what kind of bait is that?" Father: "This is clickbait son." Son: "What happens next dad?" Father: "What happens next will shock you."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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My son’s text: β€œWhat is my car’s license plate?”

My response: β€œA rectangular metal instrument affixed to the rear of your car, paid for by you, but issued by the State as a means of taxation, identification, and regulatory control.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/DRH7660
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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