Why couldn’t the stamp go to the party?

He had to stand post

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ellegirl82091
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I do hope she added enough stamps
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skatardrummer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The letter was inside the envelope and couldn't see outside so he told the stamp...

to keep him posted

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stayouttamyswamp-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife thinks it's really funny to stick first class stamps to my back. I've asked her when she's going to stop.

She says she'll keep me posted

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I’d tell you the one about a postcard without a stamp on it...

But you’d never get it.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MissKayleeRoo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the joke about the letter with no stamp?

You wouldn’t get it

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mole555
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me and we'll go places.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Police report a robber breaking into homes and stealing stamps.

The perpetrator is believed to be male.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thejackal678
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever heard the joke about the letter that didn’t have a stamp.

Eh.... you wouldn’t get it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A man once tried to bribe me with his stamp collection.

I told him, "Philately will get you no where".

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sir0zeke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2012
🚨︎ report
Ohio Food Stamps

OH SNAP

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baikeru
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
🚨︎ report
tramp stamp
πŸ‘︎ 286
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Stamp collecting

A few days ago, I was with family and Aunt #1 was showing me a book about antique stamps for collectors and the many thousands of dollars some of them cost. When she talked about her stamp collection, I said "That's a sticky habit."

Aunt #2 groaned and said, "What are you? Uncle R (her husband)?"

A few minutes later, I told her, "It's okay. You can address your resentment of stamp-related puns to me. I'm not afraid. [walking to edge of the room] I can take a licking right here in this corner if I have to! C'mon, go postal on me!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slinkwyde
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?

It’s mail-dominated.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SecondRateHack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.

Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My son showed me a stamped envelope and asked, "Is this a postmark?"

I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Gary.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you kill a BLUE elephant?

Shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun. How do you kill a PINK elephant? . . . . Hold it's nose until it turns blue then shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Binksamus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN

They get really upset.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuaggaSwagger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope

It'll still be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NachoRaptor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you deliver a baby?

Put a stamp on it

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/223carti
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
First born
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My mailman buddy tells a lot of jokes about undelivered letters.

But no one seems to get them.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?

A stamped bull

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
You can throw an envelope as far as you want, but it’ll still be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InOPWeTrust
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad was too cheap to buy weed killer, so he made us kids jump on weeds to control them. He always told me:

Only you can stamp out domestic violets.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I should probably stick to my day job
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmatin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Seen on my first day work ing at the post office.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Robots_Killed_Me
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Need stupid/funny potato puns.

I know this might not be the place to post a question but I was wondering if any of you punny peeps can help me out? I got some free stamps and I want to mail a few potatoes out to my relatives. I know this is pretty stupid and a waste of time but I'm laughing at myself just thinking what their reactions and responses will be when they check their mailbox and see a potato. I want to write a potato pun somewhere on the potato. So of you're willing to help me do this; please leave me your potato puns for me to read and decide which ones I'll be using. Thank you for reading.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a herd of rampaging mailmen?

A Stamp-ede.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whollybeef
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I once had a job in a t-shirt factory

I once had a job in a t-shirt factory. Every day, t-shirts would come down the line, and using this big rubber stamp, I’d apply a handful of dots to them, at random, to just given them a general design that wasn’t blank t-shirt. It was soul sucking, but it paid the bills.

However, I kept running into a problem. I wasn’t applying the dots fast enough. It was a mental thing - I’d get hung up on where should I apply the next dot so it doesn’t look bad, etc. But one of the guys who’d been there longer than I had gave me a piece of advice. He told me to cross to my eyes. That way, I could just kinda zone out and hit the t-shirt a few times randomly without paying much attention to where exactly I was applying the dots. It worked like magic.

Well eventually I was getting ready to leave the factory and they had me train my replacement. It only took one day. I left him with one piece of advice. I told him not to get too hung up on the specific details but just to make sure he dotted his tees and crossed his eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoyoteTheFatal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My mailman just went through gender reassignment surgery.

She is now a postman.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad got me with a bit of wisdom: No matter how much you try to push the envelope...

...it'll always be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 200
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CandysaurusRex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Got the postman pretty good.

My postman's off to Spain tomorrow for Christmas. I asked him if he was going to Parcelona.

He ignored what I believe to be my best joke of 2014.

πŸ‘︎ 494
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanocerous123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
🚨︎ report
People have a misconception that if you take the shell off snails, it will go faster...

But they just end up being sluggish.

Edit: Don't thank me, the wife laid this one on me just now. I told her was going to post this on reddit, she said we've run out of stamps.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bthefreeman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
🚨︎ report
That didn’t pan out

Wife asked me to grab a 9 by 13 pan. I go pick it up and noticed it was stamped 13x9. I point that out and say β€œI bet it will work”.

Stone faced silence.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arkstfan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do coffee baristas get as a tattoo?

A tamp stamp.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JpElNeko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my dad his new password had to have eight characters.

"Snow White and the seven dwarves."

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RafflesEsq
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
🚨︎ report
The pied piper of tomatos...

...was playing his pipe and all the tomatos in town start to roll out of the gardens and followed the young man.

Near the edge of town, however, the tomatos started to slow down.

The young man looked back, stamped his foot and yelled β€œcatch up”!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/raymesalila
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Proud of this one, I thought of it on the spot.

One of my co-workers just walked by my office looking for stamp ink. She said, "You don't ever need to stamp anything, do you?"

Without missing a beat, I said, "Just my feet!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faschwaa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
🚨︎ report
I can produce a good one every now and then...

Watching the news with my two roommates. Story on about a woman allegedly offering sexual favors in exchange for food stamps.

Rommate 1: Seriously, selling yourself for food stamps?

Me: Produce-tituion

Roomie 2: facepalms

Roomie 1: Well she wont have to worry about getting any meats at least.

Roomie 2: Double facepalms

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the envelope say to the stamp?

Stick with me and we'll go places.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NigGorilla666
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me and we'll go places.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_mono_no_aware
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the envelope say to the stamp?

Stick with me and we'll go places!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Antranik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
🚨︎ report
If you push the envelope...

...is it still stationary?

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscoveringMore
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.