I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
What do you call a letter that goes in the mail without postage?
What do you call a woman who delivers mail?
Would she be a mailwoman or femailman?
If you rearrange the letters in "Royal Mail"
They get extremely annoyed
Why would prometheus make a good mail carrier?
He has alot of experience with de-livering.
She asked the monk, "Is it okay for monks to use e-mail?"
"Yes, as long as there are no attachments."
My local government sent me some free, emergency toilet paper in the mail!
They called it a "Jury Summons."
Does a Mail truck have more rights than a Fe-Mail truck?
Can buddhists use e-mail?
Yes, but they can't use attachments.
Usually I pick the Royal Mail as a deliverer for my purchases
It's because they do it door-tudor
My diabetic son's insulin delivery kit just came in the mail
what kind of mail does a witch carry her broom?
I was sad to hear today that Mail Trucks are going extinct.
There aren't enough Femail Trucks to sustain the population.
I received this joke in the mail and now I'm sending it out to you guys.
I was teaching political correctness to my niece and I said, "Ok let's say there's someone named Michael or Mike for short, and if Mike delivers mail, he's a Mail-man. Similarly if there's someone named Jennifer who's doing the same job what would you call her?"
Me: I got a notice in the mail that something is wrong with my vehicle.
Friend: Did you get it fixed?
Friend: Why not?
Me: I don't recall
My girlfriend tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn’t letter. They said only mails work here.
My dad's a doctor, and we got this in the mail a couple days ago.
Where do ghosts pick up their mail?
Every time the mail gets delivered, I break down crying.
I really should speak to a therapist about my post-traumatic stress disorder.
Someone sent me a chainsaw in the mail today.
Shit. Now I have to send a saw to 5 other people.
I saw a mail truck pulled over today on the way home.
He must of been really hauling the mail.
My mail order bride arrived today, deceased. The coroner's report noted she was missing an organ...
and the company refused to refund my purchase because it had already been de-livered.
I slid my dad the mail.
He said I was really pushing the envelope.
Someone sent me an e-mail saying Google Maps can read maps backwards
“Dad, I heard that the only way you guys could communicate with each other when you were young was landlines and snail mail.”
Dad: No, you better get your fax straight.
After being warned to protect my new phone, I finally got my protection in the mail today. They sent me one meant for a teen girl with bieber on it. I still will use it until i can replace it to protect my phone.
Just in: Case; Justin case. Just Encase, just in case.
I'd like my first born child to be mail
I'll keep you posted on the outcome
I asked Google to find me pictures of pregnant mail carriers...
You've got to be mail to wear these...
Postmen only give out two types of mail,
I like receiving parcels in the mail.
You could say I'm partial to them.
I got a block of iron in the mail
I guess you can say I finally have a fe mail in my life
Wife: Just heard the mail truck go by
Me: Did you just assume it’s gender?
What do you call a pair of undies that was lost in the mail?
As a mail processor, my father was very innovative in his profession.
He really pushed the envelope.
Don't Accept e-mails From Hormel Foods
It could be SPAM
(Credit to u/Hayek_Hiker )
Does femail fraud carry the same sentences as mail fraud, or is it about 80% of the time sentenced?
What do call it when you send a watermelon in the mail?
I told my Russian mail-order bride about my 304.8mm fetish
She's willing to go the extra 1.60934km for me.
What do you call someone who mails mortgage statements?
Dad texted me to let me know I got mail...
Dad: I have an [your job] envelope for you.
Me: Can you open it and tell me what it is?
(two minutes later)
Dad: It's still an envelope.
Some say the post office is a very mail dominated workplace...
..But if a woman wants to work there i say letter.
My professor said I could mail in my essay.
But he would only give me parcel credit.
What do you call iron in the mail?
Why did the applicant mail a ruler to the company a week before the interview?
He was trying to get 30.48 cm in the door.
A mother is opening the mail at home one night. She began adamantly reminding him they were out of baby powder as she’s tearing into their bank statement. When she sees it, she marches to the father sitting in his chair and says “What is this $730.88 spent at the Treasure Chest, Donny?!”
All he said was “I don’t know what you’re talcum ‘bout.”
I received hate mail today wishing I fell down a well
It was signed ‘From a well-wisher’.
I'm a mail man and one of my customers told me this one today
He and his kids approached me while I was delivering
Dad: Excuse me sir can I ask you something?
Me: Sure man what's up?
D: We were just wondering if that is a mail truck or a female truck?
What is Forrest Gump's e-mail password?
Our mail keeps getting delivered to the wrong address, unit 200B instead of unit 200A
It must be a complex issue
The daddest way to answer gamer hate mail.
After salty gamer loses to dad in game, salty gamer loses to dad in chat.
I said to my dad yesterday, "That doesn't look like our mail person."
My dad says, "That's because it's a female person."
My Wife: “Did you see your mail?”
Me: “Yes. Every time I pee”
(This literally just happened. My Dad almost fell to the floor with laughter)
Got this card in the mail on my birthday. He even included a UPC code. imgur.com/a/DoFtF
E-mail I just received from my dad: Rare photo of Helen Keller and her beloved cat, Mittens.
Happy Pi Day, everybody! You know what I like to get in the mail on Pi Day?
If I pay postage for mail...
...Does that make it fee mail?
Dad hands my brother his unopened mail saying there's a check in the top one.
Sure enough, he opens it and a check comes out.
> Bro: How did he know?
> Me: I bet he checked.
Did you hear about the mailman who was taking the mail, coating it in paté, and sticking it in his underpants?
It was undie livered.
Wife: Honey where are the mail keys?
Me: I don't know, probably ran off with the female keys.
Would an iron maiden be a fe-mail?
People should call replying to an E-Mail, ReMailing.
My wife grabbed my butt this morning as she went out the door announcing, "I'll be back, I'm going to check the mail."
"I think you already did!" I replied.
Does it count if my little kids didn't get it?
Wife asked if I brought in the mail.
I said yes, but the female is still sitting on the curb.
Looking at a female mail carrier
Me: I've been noticing a lot of mail-ladies recently.
Dad: Male-lady? Isn't the correct term transgender?
What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire? That he needed to address the situation
My Shake Weight came in the mail today!
Inspired by the "Otherwise" post, I just got these in the mail today
Inspired by this post
I ordered 100 of these and keep one in my pocket at all times now: http://i.imgur.com/fDFtpL5.jpg
Also, if you're in the Washington DC area, I'd be happy to spread the love. Happy dadjoking!
My wife sent me a picture of a package we got in the mail...
My three month old daughter was in the background so I asked her if the baby added a lot for shipping.
She said no, but it took a long time to arrive because it shipped from vachina.
After watching my dad listen to a very long voice mail from my mother
Me: What'd she say?
Dad: You want the long version or the short version?
Me: Short version.
Me: Ok the long version.
Dad: Nothing much.
So my brother got a ping pong robot in the mail...
...and my 13 year old sister has a couple friends over, one of them asks him "so, did your thingy come yet?"
Cue Dad - "Yeah! He's been playing with it all afternoon, too!"
Instant eruption of 13 year old laughter.
Dads, corrupting young minds since 2013.
Asked my wife to see if her paycheck had come in the mail.
She said ok I'll "check". Damn I married a winner
My dad sent me something in the mail and included this message.
Wow dad! That is a big mail truck.
Yes son, the males are usually larger than the females.
A discussion I had with a woman over E-mail, Ripe with dad jokes.
Me:That's one of my specialties! Yesterday when one of my coworkers playfully hit me with curtains I threatened to have her arrested for assault with a thread-ly weapon.
Her: That's so cheesy, but so gouda.
M: Hearing you say that makes me feel grate!
H: Course! I couldn't just let it brie without returning with a different pun. :)
M: I'm so glad we curd share this moment, it keeps me from feeling bleu.
H: Are you stilton going on about this? It could be seen as a provelone.
M: No Whey! Really? I accepted Cheeses into my life a long time ago.
H: Well, I believe that there is more out there than Cheeses, with your Parmesan I could continue. Too bad I am bread tired, and wish to be loafing around. Good night and sweet dreams
M: Well, early to Bread early to Rise, as they say. You have sweet dreams. Oh, and don't ask Rye if I'm in them
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...