Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.

Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.

Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?

Dad: Knock Knock.

Me: Who’s there?

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NC0828
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code

πŸ‘︎ 356
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blindeye0505
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Transcription of a message pic, seen on r/lgbt

Mom: Can you come out?

Kid: Yeah, gimme a minute.

Kid: Mom, I'm gay.

Mom: I know that silly, come out to the car.

Kid: Car, I'm gay.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmmaLately
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it ...

It's Spam.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…

She wrote: β€œIf you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

Her husband texted back: β€œI’m on the toilet, please advise.”

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaronh1202
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A message from Corona:

Stay Positive !

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it!

It’s spam

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SocialPerformer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If anybody gets a message from me about canned meat

don't open it it's spam

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TroyExplores
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a robotic boy that delivers messages?

E-male.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twillo_11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a warning message from a mod saying β€œmy jokes are bringing to much religion and politics into this sub”

I replied saying β€œlet the people in this sub decide, for christ sake”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been accused of writing a long series of messages about the song "I'm Too Sexy"

But I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatdavidgeezer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?

An announcement

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my wife to message the lawn person

Because we are taking our fence down.

She came back, stopped me, just to ask "Is there a mower emoji?

I said: is that really an emojency?

38, first original joke from an unoriginal dad. Had to share.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shor7Fuz3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
For anyone who has the virus, this message is for you imgur.com/LMRAw6y
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brick2413
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Landed this in a text message thread to my SO

SO (at the market) : What kind of coffee beans do you want?

Me: Anything that doesn't say dark roast

SO: OMG! Hold the phone, I may have found something amazing!

Me: Fun fact, I am already holding the phone.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScotchHarbour
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Send me a message if you want to build a boat...

I Noah guy.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry

I speak Atrocian

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haidukenshiruken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"

Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.

Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"

And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ancil5199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Sweet revenge:) (also the edit is because I had to translate the message so sorry about that)
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnderJus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I created a Linux background process for the Message Analysis Test Tool.

I call it the MATT DAEMON!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunOverdose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get a message from the government warning not to eat tinned meat because is contains Covid-19, just ignore it.

It’s spam

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Octopus-Pawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I had concerned friends message me
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/armpittattoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a consciously imperceivable message travelling at 0.5c?

A subluminal subliminal.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/josephwb
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the Vikings send secret messages?

By using Norse code

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandacoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
This is by far the best pun of the day , the journalist really drove the message home!
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Message for popheads
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrdinaryVehicle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
This is such a moving message
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoboLion-2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If a paid political message uses a pun to assail a candidate’s character...

Is it an Ad Homonym attack?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneSidedDice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
We should grill this message into people
πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The error message on fat bastards screen when his computer crashed

Chin-tax error

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jskell89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
The Office sent out an automated message to all the junk emails that they were getting

Dunder Mifflin this is spam

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rahull95
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My Reddit account has been hacked. If anyone gets a message from me about meat

Just ignore it, it’s spam.

πŸ‘︎ 282
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomocusack
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If I get a message on my phone after midnight I always assume it's about disposable gloves

because it's a late-text (latex)

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A friendship destroying message
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesus_Mcfly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife sent me a text message only reading "EARTH"

It meant the world to me

πŸ‘︎ 268
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrow-s
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a new job monitoring someone’s twitter and Instagram messages

It’s per DM

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApplewoodWarrior
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife gave the childrens' message at church today.

You could say it was the "momily."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/commentonthat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,

Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends sometime ask me why I yell at them all the time over instant message about this amazing new business opportunity I’m involved in that I’m really excited about! They also ask me if maybe if shift key on my keyboard is broken.

But I reply β€œNO I AM A CAPITALIST”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it.

It's spam

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drewzee0109
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it!

It's spam!

πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/talpa710
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do Vikings send messages ?

With Norse Code!

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frugatti_cuse
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StewPaddasso
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
🚨︎ report

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