Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.
Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.
Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?
Dad: Knock Knock.
Me: Who’s there?
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Transcription of a message pic, seen on r/lgbt
Mom: Can you come out?
Kid: Yeah, gimme a minute.
Kid: Mom, I'm gay.
Mom: I know that silly, come out to the car.
Kid: Car, I'm gay.
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…
She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it ...
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
I got a warning message from a mod saying “my jokes are bringing to much religion and politics into this sub”
I replied saying “let the people in this sub decide, for christ sake”
I have been accused of writing a long series of messages about the song "I'm Too Sexy"
But I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread.
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?
Told my wife to message the lawn person
Because we are taking our fence down.
She came back, stopped me, just to ask "Is there a mower emoji?
I said: is that really an emojency?
38, first original joke from an unoriginal dad. Had to share.
Landed this in a text message thread to my SO
SO (at the market) : What kind of coffee beans do you want?
Me: Anything that doesn't say dark roast
SO: OMG! Hold the phone, I may have found something amazing!
Me: Fun fact, I am already holding the phone.
Send me a message if you want to build a boat...
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry
My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"
Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.
Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"
And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.
Sweet revenge:) (also the edit is because I had to translate the message so sorry about that)
I created a Linux background process for the Message Analysis Test Tool.
I call it the MATT DAEMON!!!
If you get a message from the government warning not to eat tinned meat because is contains Covid-19, just ignore it.
I had concerned friends message me
What do you call a consciously imperceivable message travelling at 0.5c?
This is by far the best pun of the day , the journalist really drove the message home!
This is such a moving message
If a paid political message uses a pun to assail a candidate’s character...
Is it an Ad Homonym attack?
We should grill this message into people
The error message on fat bastards screen when his computer crashed
My Reddit account has been hacked. If anyone gets a message from me about meat
Just ignore it, it’s spam.
The Office sent out an automated message to all the junk emails that they were getting
Dunder Mifflin this is spam
A friendship destroying message
If I get a message on my phone after midnight I always assume it's about disposable gloves
because it's a late-text (latex)
My wife sent me a text message only reading "EARTH"
I got a new job monitoring someone’s twitter and Instagram messages
My wife gave the childrens' message at church today.
You could say it was the "momily."
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
My friends sometime ask me why I yell at them all the time over instant message about this amazing new business opportunity I’m involved in that I’m really excited about! They also ask me if maybe if shift key on my keyboard is broken.
But I reply “NO I AM A CAPITALIST”
How did Vikings send secret messages?
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it!
If anybody gets a message from me about canned meat
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it!
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
How do Vikings send messages ?
Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
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