My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...

β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
The moment I realise I lost my voice __________

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyb3rbot2003
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...

"Oh, it's the peanuts.

They're complimentary."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elawn
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
ME: *coughing* I'm sorry my voice is a little hoarse.

CHESS PLAYER: did.. did you just swallow my knight?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
I remember when I made a joke about a kid dying. My dad sat me down on the couch and told me in a serious voice "jokes about kids dying young...

never get old."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.

"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a voice actor’s favorite music genre?

Dubstep

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/odiethethird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife if she wanted me to use my β€œsexy Russian voice” during sexy time.

I told her she could call me”Vladimir Putitin”.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mstaJ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
My voice is pony

You know a little horse

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superninja04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
What kind of a voice has a washwoman?

a soaprano

A dad joke from an 1886 joke book.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegasketmaker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
What did the snail say to his voice activated vehicle when it asked him if he was ready to go for a drive

Yes car go

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/absurd-bird-turd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
Why did CJ's voice actor have a conflict with Rockstar Games?

Because the envelope he got on pay day said 'Respect'

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rayblu_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
U2 are touring in Australia, so I upgraded my GPS to Bono’s voice

Now the streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Delliott90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Met this intimidating fellow last week, asked if he needed anything, he replied with a hoarse voice..

"neiggggghhh"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrImpartial
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I've genuinely lost my voice

Said no one, ever

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and i might never speak again.

I can't tell you how upset i am

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HungryPizzax
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was surprised when I lost my voice for the first time

I was speechless

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog that hears voices?

Shih-Tzu-phrenic

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If you have a satnav that you can change the voice on, please do not use Bono from U2!

I did this last week and now the streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/victor_devito
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Priam, the mythological ruler of Troy, was infamous for yelling at his subjects until he lost his voice

Perhaps that's why they called him the hoarse Trojan.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargingTiger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺCAN you raise your voice unto the malt, sing songs and Heineken of glory‬
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my voice today.

I can't tell you how annoying it is.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
When I show people my step ladder I always tell them in a sad voice,

β€œI never knew my real ladder.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If you’re trying to get your point across about something, try adjusting the decibel level of your voice up and down while talking.

It will speak volumes to people.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Having someone join a voice chat while their parents are vacuuming really sucks.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TLop_123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I woke up this morning, looked down at my hands, and heard a voice yell, β€œDeath to America!”

I think I might have terror wrists.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ever lose my voice I want to have the Stephen Hawking voice modulator.

I’ve always wanted to speak intelligently.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the foals voice so scratchy...

It was a little horse

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BLOCKHEAD13REAL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
In your best Dad voice.
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jorarl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was walking by the dump and heard voices yelling at each other,

Trash talk

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me in a hoarse voice "Dad, I lost my voice."

I told her "Well why don't you just find it?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterPanpai
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The bro with the tribal tattoos that is blasting Nickleback and is vaping all the time, has an annoying voice.

But it's mostly his axe-scent.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
(in Yoda voice) Why, afraid of seven, was five?

Because six, seven ate.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nerfviking
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been sick lately and my voice went deeper

it's really no treble at all.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/R3P1N5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my voice two days ago. How long will it last?

I can’t say.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mapkar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I had lost my voice

I was speechless...

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
A few friends of mine, who are Jewish singers with a high voice, opened a soup restaurant together

It's called Mazza Souprano

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yovliporat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I love my career at the voice recording studio.

I don't know what it is, but the job just really speaks to me

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Majike03
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A voice at the back of my head keeps telling me...

That the doctors really screwed up my mouth surgery.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend called me last night. She wanted to talk, but I couldn't hear her voice because of the static noise

She was breaking up.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebubno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I put a can of beer on this machine and a robotic voice said, β€œ12 ounces”.

I thought, β€œWow! This speaks volumes.”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I lost my voice once...

I couldn’t tell you how annoying it was.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSleepyWulf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Every year I know my girlfriend is going to ask me in that same condescending voice whether I'm going to do something different with my hair for Reggaefest.

And every year I've dreaded it.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that I thought that the Grinch's voice was a little strange...

But the wife said "Who?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurtleLoMein
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I was forced to speak in a gravel voice all day

It was pretty rough

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rimtato
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
So I found this talking train and asked it why it just went back and forth on the same tracks for its whole life. It responded saying β€œthe voices in my head tell me to”.

It was a loco motive

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGunslinger215
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My old English teacher used to flunk us just for not using the active voice

He was very passive aggressive

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
When baby delights, and pitch of voice increases

We call this high coo.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me if I would do a pirate voice

I might

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?

It goes without saying.

πŸ‘︎ 163
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me that my voice box is damaged and I might not speak again for a while.

I can’t tell you how much this upsets me.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad said of my singing voice, "wow, you should sing Tenor!!"

... Tenor fifteen miles away. Zing.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MichaelRM
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
If Terry Crews had a GPS voice (x-post from /r/funny)
πŸ‘︎ 420
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Point21Gigawatts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
🚨︎ report
My dog lost his voice while we were travelling...

My dog lost his voice while we were travelling.
I'm not sure what happened. I think it may have happened at the Port of Debarkation.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/solomonsaysgo
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Mortal Combat voice
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldemeyer14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I was alone in a bar when a random voice told me I looked amazing

I asked the waiter who it was."It's the nuts," he said, "they're complimentary."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Moe_Bot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is a sick cow's voice melodious?

Because it's moo-sick.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilhassija
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
🚨︎ report
A voice on the radio: Hello, anybody who can hear me please respond.

Me: Copy that, who is this?

Voice: Spider, working out.

Me: Spider who?

Voice: Radio active spider.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Of course this car isn't voice controlled

It goes without saying!

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Megablast13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
🚨︎ report
They're making engines that hear and respond to voices.

That's a real step forward in enginEARing

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theycallmeDamon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Siri stopped recognising 007s voice...

"No Mr Bond I expect you to dial."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GavChap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
If a Pig loses it's voice...

is it disgruntled?

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mooselemon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again...

I can’t tell you how upset I am...

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2017
🚨︎ report
TIL in the late 2000s RIM was developing a voice interface to compete with Apple’s soon-to-be revealed Siri.

Hal-E-Berry.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
losing your voice
πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CastYourBread
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the foal say when he lost his voice?

I'm sorry, I'm a little horse.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AverNL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2016
🚨︎ report
"Lower your voice!"

We are out shopping and my dad calls from across the way really loudly. My mom then proceeds to tell my dad to lower his voice. He then lays on the ground and says it again.

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotADisease
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
If noses could talk, what would their voices be like?

They would have a Nostrilian accent!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2016
🚨︎ report
S-voice pulled this one on me (S-voice is android's version of siri)

I asked: "What is my name"

It's response was: "What? That's a weird name to have.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Half_Eyed_Worm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2014
🚨︎ report
After watching my dad listen to a very long voice mail from my mother

Me: What'd she say?

Dad: You want the long version or the short version?

Me: Short version.

Dad: Nothing.

Me: Ok the long version.

Dad: Nothing much.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/that_how_it_be
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Best read in Sean Connery's voice.

If all of your books fall on the floor, you only have yourshelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-rabid-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad on Xbox one's voice command

My dad walked into the tv room as I was trying out the voice command (mind you, this was my christmas present).

I said "Dad check it out, this thing has pretty good voice command. It's can do just about anything"

Dad: "Anything? Xbox go shovel the driveway"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/threeballer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
🚨︎ report
I've been getting over a cold recently, having nearly lost my voice.

"Hey, how have you been? "I'm doing better, but I'm still a pony." "...You're a pony?" "Yeah, I'm still a little hoarse."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snorgledork
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
🚨︎ report
A voice at the back of my head keeps telling me...

..that the doctors really screwed up my mouth surgery.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report

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