My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...

β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed!"

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Strained my voice

The other day i yelled into a colander and i strained my voice.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thecobs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the drug that changes your voice?

Voice crack.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tommy-2005
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
(*in a late night TV voice*)

Have you been wearing glasses during the pandemic?!? Have you been wearing your mask?!? You may be entitled to condensation.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/engco431
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I just changed the audio of my GPS to a man's voice...

Now it just says, "It's around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while. "

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
All i hear is Bawwy Kwepki's voice
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when someone with a tiny voice gets angry?

^ᡗʰᡉʸ ^ʸᡉˑˑ ^ʳᡉᡃˑˑʸ ^Λ‘α΅’α΅˜α΅ˆα΅Ž

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If a pig loses it's voice...

Is it disgruntled?

I'll leave now...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugeLetterhead
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're having voice problems I feel bad for you son,

I've got 99 problems but a pitch ain't one

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/illumi_nazi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
So they are making this movie where Michael J. Fox voice acts for a time traveling chicken.

They call it Bawk to the Future.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpdaca
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Which brand of computer has the best singing voice?

A Dell

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dougtheinfonut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,

I sing faucetto...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mickets
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Pirates of yore would get a treasure chest off a looted vessel and often hear voices coming from the chest saying "yoo hoo!"

It was the booty calls.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If a judge loves the sound of his own voice,

expect a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
An owl lost its voice.

It didn't give a hoot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aagistar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
When Dad talks to you in his STERN VOICE is he just speaking...

..out of his ass?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
In the Disney animated picture, Ratatouille, Remy controls Linguini actions by pulling his hair, giving him a perfect palette. The little chef’s squeak is the only other voice Linguini ever really hears at home.

I guess you could say Remy is Linguini’s voice of season

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The moment I realise I lost my voice __________

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyb3rbot2003
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...

"Oh, it's the peanuts.

They're complimentary."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elawn
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
ME: *coughing* I'm sorry my voice is a little hoarse.

CHESS PLAYER: did.. did you just swallow my knight?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.

"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I remember when I made a joke about a kid dying. My dad sat me down on the couch and told me in a serious voice "jokes about kids dying young...

never get old."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife if she wanted me to use my β€œsexy Russian voice” during sexy time.

I told her she could call me”Vladimir Putitin”.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mstaJ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a voice actor’s favorite music genre?

Dubstep

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/odiethethird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My voice is pony

You know a little horse

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superninja04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of a voice has a washwoman?

a soaprano

A dad joke from an 1886 joke book.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegasketmaker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
U2 are touring in Australia, so I upgraded my GPS to Bono’s voice

Now the streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Delliott90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and i might never speak again.

I can't tell you how upset i am

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HungryPizzax
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the snail say to his voice activated vehicle when it asked him if he was ready to go for a drive

Yes car go

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/absurd-bird-turd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did CJ's voice actor have a conflict with Rockstar Games?

Because the envelope he got on pay day said 'Respect'

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rayblu_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Met this intimidating fellow last week, asked if he needed anything, he replied with a hoarse voice..

"neiggggghhh"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrImpartial
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I've genuinely lost my voice

Said no one, ever

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺCAN you raise your voice unto the malt, sing songs and Heineken of glory‬
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If you have a satnav that you can change the voice on, please do not use Bono from U2!

I did this last week and now the streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/victor_devito
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my voice today.

I can't tell you how annoying it is.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I was surprised when I lost my voice for the first time

I was speechless

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...

β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Which computer has the best voice?

A Dell.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bwdan82
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report

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