My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
The moment I realise I lost my voice __________
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...
"Oh, it's the peanuts.
ME: *coughing* I'm sorry my voice is a little hoarse.
CHESS PLAYER: did.. did you just swallow my knight?
I remember when I made a joke about a kid dying. My dad sat me down on the couch and told me in a serious voice "jokes about kids dying young...
My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.
"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
What is a voice actor’s favorite music genre?
I asked my wife if she wanted me to use my “sexy Russian voice” during sexy time.
I told her she could call me”Vladimir Putitin”.
What kind of a voice has a washwoman?
A dad joke from an 1886 joke book.
What did the snail say to his voice activated vehicle when it asked him if he was ready to go for a drive
Why did CJ's voice actor have a conflict with Rockstar Games?
Because the envelope he got on pay day said 'Respect'
U2 are touring in Australia, so I upgraded my GPS to Bono’s voice
Now the streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
Met this intimidating fellow last week, asked if he needed anything, he replied with a hoarse voice..
I've genuinely lost my voice
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and i might never speak again.
I can't tell you how upset i am
I was surprised when I lost my voice for the first time
What do you call a dog that hears voices?
If you have a satnav that you can change the voice on, please do not use Bono from U2!
I did this last week and now the streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!
Priam, the mythological ruler of Troy, was infamous for yelling at his subjects until he lost his voice
Perhaps that's why they called him the hoarse Trojan.
CAN you raise your voice unto the malt, sing songs and Heineken of glory
I lost my voice today.
I can't tell you how annoying it is.
When I show people my step ladder I always tell them in a sad voice,
“I never knew my real ladder.”
If you’re trying to get your point across about something, try adjusting the decibel level of your voice up and down while talking.
It will speak volumes to people.
Having someone join a voice chat while their parents are vacuuming really sucks.
I woke up this morning, looked down at my hands, and heard a voice yell, “Death to America!”
I think I might have terror wrists.
If I ever lose my voice I want to have the Stephen Hawking voice modulator.
I’ve always wanted to speak intelligently.
Why was the foals voice so scratchy...
I was walking by the dump and heard voices yelling at each other,
My daughter told me in a hoarse voice "Dad, I lost my voice."
I told her "Well why don't you just find it?"
The bro with the tribal tattoos that is blasting Nickleback and is vaping all the time, has an annoying voice.
But it's mostly his axe-scent.
(in Yoda voice) Why, afraid of seven, was five?
I've been sick lately and my voice went deeper
it's really no treble at all.
I lost my voice two days ago. How long will it last?
My doctor told me I had lost my voice
A few friends of mine, who are Jewish singers with a high voice, opened a soup restaurant together
It's called Mazza Souprano
I love my career at the voice recording studio.
I don't know what it is, but the job just really speaks to me
A voice at the back of my head keeps telling me...
That the doctors really screwed up my mouth surgery.
Girlfriend called me last night. She wanted to talk, but I couldn't hear her voice because of the static noise
I put a can of beer on this machine and a robotic voice said, “12 ounces”.
I thought, “Wow! This speaks volumes.”
I lost my voice once...
I couldn’t tell you how annoying it was.
Every year I know my girlfriend is going to ask me in that same condescending voice whether I'm going to do something different with my hair for Reggaefest.
And every year I've dreaded it.
I told my wife that I thought that the Grinch's voice was a little strange...
I was forced to speak in a gravel voice all day
So I found this talking train and asked it why it just went back and forth on the same tracks for its whole life. It responded saying “the voices in my head tell me to”.
My old English teacher used to flunk us just for not using the active voice
He was very passive aggressive
When baby delights, and pitch of voice increases
Someone asked me if I would do a pirate voice
Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?
The doctor told me that my voice box is damaged and I might not speak again for a while.
I can’t tell you how much this upsets me.
My dad said of my singing voice, "wow, you should sing Tenor!!"
... Tenor fifteen miles away. Zing.
If Terry Crews had a GPS voice (x-post from /r/funny)
My dog lost his voice while we were travelling...
My dog lost his voice while we were travelling.
I'm not sure what happened.
I think it may have happened at the Port of Debarkation.
I was alone in a bar when a random voice told me I looked amazing
I asked the waiter who it was."It's the nuts," he said, "they're complimentary."
Why is a sick cow's voice melodious?
A voice on the radio: Hello, anybody who can hear me please respond.
Me: Copy that, who is this?
Voice: Spider, working out.
Me: Spider who?
Voice: Radio active spider.
Of course this car isn't voice controlled
They're making engines that hear and respond to voices.
That's a real step forward in enginEARing
Siri stopped recognising 007s voice...
"No Mr Bond I expect you to dial."
If a Pig loses it's voice...
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again...
I can’t tell you how upset I am...
TIL in the late 2000s RIM was developing a voice interface to compete with Apple’s soon-to-be revealed Siri.
What did the foal say when he lost his voice?
I'm sorry, I'm a little horse.
"Lower your voice!"
We are out shopping and my dad calls from across the way really loudly. My mom then proceeds to tell my dad to lower his voice. He then lays on the ground and says it again.
If noses could talk, what would their voices be like?
They would have a Nostrilian accent!
S-voice pulled this one on me (S-voice is android's version of siri)
I asked: "What is my name"
It's response was: "What? That's a weird name to have.
After watching my dad listen to a very long voice mail from my mother
Me: What'd she say?
Dad: You want the long version or the short version?
Me: Short version.
Me: Ok the long version.
Dad: Nothing much.
Best read in Sean Connery's voice.
If all of your books fall on the floor, you only have yourshelf to blame.
My dad on Xbox one's voice command
My dad walked into the tv room as I was trying out the voice command (mind you, this was my christmas present).
I said "Dad check it out, this thing has pretty good voice command. It's can do just about anything"
Dad: "Anything? Xbox go shovel the driveway"
I've been getting over a cold recently, having nearly lost my voice.
"Hey, how have you been?
"I'm doing better, but I'm still a pony."
"...You're a pony?"
"Yeah, I'm still a little hoarse."
A voice at the back of my head keeps telling me...
..that the doctors really screwed up my mouth surgery.