Doctor: Did you know that you have a severe inability to vocalize your emotions?

Me: β€œI can’t say I’m surprised.”

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Scientists have grown vocal chords in a Petrie dish

The results speak for themselves

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFishmanau
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vocal female lion?

Aurora.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: "Hey, do you know where I can get a vocal ensemble?"

Music Director: "Don't you mean a choir?"

Dad: "Ok, How do I acquire a vocal ensemble?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have invented artificial vocal cords.

The result speaks for itself.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
If you were born without vocal chords...

...you wouldn’t be able to tell.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Some scientists were able to recreate human vocal cords in a petri dish...

The results pretty much speak for themselves...

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squidboy2002
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife took my vocal cords

She left me absolutely speechless

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigboi360420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who had his vocal cords removed?

It left him speechless

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imnotanugga
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
When Archie's fiancee put her engagement ring near her ear, she could faintly hear guitars, maracas, and soothing Spanish vocals.

It was a marry Archie band.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
They charged way to much for the vocal jazz concert

It was a total riff off

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't the backstreet boys have a front vocal?

Because if they did, he'd be a main street boy.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vvt2003
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My vocals range isn't very good

I can only Go down so fa.

Note: I'm not a dad and im tired.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BASIC-Mufasa
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me my vocal chords were damaged

I was speechless

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mineclash92
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Scientists have recently engineered a new species of frog that have become immortal after removing their vocal cords

They can’t croak.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hidoshigo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I hope the place where Phil Collins records his vocals is referred to as the "Stu-Stustudio"
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sternloyalty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What album was most vocal about the metric system?

Korn - Follow the Litre

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhalsimballskin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
If Michael Cera started a three-part-harmony vocal group, they could be named the Tri-Cera-Tops.
πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zackdinerstein
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the rooster who had surgery on his vocal cords?

He's cockadoodledoing alright now

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ash92596
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
🚨︎ report
What are the best chords to use when playing air guitar?

Vocal chords

Courtesy of my wife!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SETHlUS
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the sorority girl say when she lost her pen?

"I literally cannot even write now!"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LyndsySimon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2015
🚨︎ report
This might be so old it's new again

A comedian backed by the Mafia was doing a show in New York. In the audience was group of foreign religious leaders, in town for a UN conference. Oddly, that group was very vocal in their heckling of the poor comic. Particularly vociferous was the Hindu leader from India.

Noticing this from offstage, the Mafia Don told one of his thugs to make his way to their section and menacingly "encourage" them that they should "shaddap already".

The thug asked the Don if there was one of the group who should receive... "extra-strength" encouragement. The Don replied "Yes. Weigh down upon the Swami ribber".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SQLDave
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between Def Leppard and a chicken?

A chicken has two drumsticks.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/partyfoul2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
To help me focus on working, background music is instrumental

Mostly because I'd get distracted if there were vocals

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillKay10
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
🚨︎ report
Never trust an Adam...

They make up everything

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dont_main_Jager
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Trump-Kim summit to be held at Sentosa's Capella Hotel in Singapore

Is it going to be very vocal and with no music?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guiguy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I sure do.

Do you think that Muslims like their eggs Sunni side up?

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peevedlatios
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked by my french teacher.

Just pretext: "un Ε“uf" in french means "an/one egg".

French Teacher: Why do French people only eat one egg per day max?

Response: Because one egg is un Ε“uf. (sounds similar to enough)

It may not seem very funny, but with the right prenunciation, this dadjoke is a killer vocally.

πŸ‘︎ 253
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shockingnews213
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2014
🚨︎ report
today with my girlfriend

GF: i want to join a choir

Me: why?

GF: i liked to sing but they are also normally very social, interesting and loud people

Me: oh yes they are also very vocal

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geltance
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
There is alot of controversy about universal sign language in the deaf community

However they aren't very vocal about it

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedoomfulldome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
🚨︎ report
[Meta] Get your shit together, /r/dadjokes

This sub started out so great. It was a place with funny dad jokes and silly stories about horrible jokes that dads have made to clerks or waiters or whoever. Now this place might as well just be /r/jokes or /r/punny because that's all that ever gets posted here.

It seems that in every comment section of any post, somebody will make a joke and the top reply just says "/r/dadjokes" so I think that is what is contributing to this decrease in quality (unless I'm just imagining it, but I've seen a vocal section of you who complain too)

So can we try to get back to what this sub used to be? I don't really know what could be done, but I'm sure our moderator(s) can make a new rule or something

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gerbilseverywhere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
🚨︎ report
I gave my girlfriend a wet willy

She got annoyed, so I asked "what's wrong? Are you ear-itated?"

Got a vocal laugh, and was promptly told that it wasn't funny.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Talking to my music producer friend

My friend was listening to music, analyzing how the songs were made. I couldn't resist.

Friend: I'm trying to figure out how the vocals were recorded

Me: Probably with a microphone

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuckPie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my coworker good just now

Him: "I wonder what causes frogs to make that sound" (the REEE noise)

Me: "Probably their vocal cords"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapBear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Fodder

In sitting with our real estate agent the other night, he mentioned "you're good fodder" for proposing us as buyers to the sellers of our (now) newly purchased home.

I responded with "I know I'm a good fodder, but don't forget about the good mudder sitting next to me!"

Wife's instant eye roll and very vocal "ughhh" was enough to compel me to leave this here...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubstylee43
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Dropped this one on my lady and daughter.

We were driving back from celebrating my daughter's first vocal solo with ice cream and we noticed a new billboard. The billboard read "Santa wants bacon this year". I said that was a brilliant idea. It would break up the sweet with some salty. My girlfriend said "what about bacon cookies? " to which I replied "How else are you suppose to cook them?" They both groaned loudly.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mel0maniac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Scientists have successfully grown human vocal chords in a petri dish.

The results speak for themselves

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stupidboy0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Did you know that you have a serious problem vocalizing your emotions?

Man: Can’t say that I’m surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aca6825
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Scientists have succeeded in growing human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves!

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If vocal chords could be grown in a Petri dish,

Do you think the results would speak for themselves?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bob_alob_aSqueeb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Scientists have grown working vocal cords in the lab.

The results speak for themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edhere
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report

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