People say puns are just bad dad jokes.

I don't think that could be father from the truth.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheChickenWrap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!

Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-am-Just-Sam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge.

We'll see about that...

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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What did the Doctor say to the constipated detective?

No shit Sherlock?

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_mash_king
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.

[deleted]

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?

This is the last straw.

πŸ‘︎ 641
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jillyjoyohoho
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amalgamxtc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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I identify as a man, my birth certificate says I’m a man, everybody I know says I’m a man...

and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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Legend says , he is still 0K.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raven_007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?

"Damn that was a hard drive."

πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FireOa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! πŸ‘Œ

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_emily_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

πŸ‘︎ 306
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJMusicSchool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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Love me love me, say that chu love me
πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/That_Guy2847
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant … dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, DEAD ANNNNT!

πŸ‘︎ 289
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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My friend tony asked me not to say his name backwards

I said y not?

πŸ‘︎ 280
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anukrit_Subedi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?

Try this on for sighs.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llort_tsoper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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Wood you say my dog is ok?
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THMFL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.

I was out looking at beds with the family.

Wife: "I really like this bed."

Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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And all the girlies say I’m
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_MeatPlow_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"

"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."

πŸ‘︎ 695
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsradford
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"

"That's M'Shell on my back!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chainsmoker88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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What did the tectonic plate say after bumping into another tectonic plate?

My fault.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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My 8 year old just told me this one.. What does the minister say when you marry a computer?

I now pronounce you man and wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mike-_-honcho
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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Mondays what can I say
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afeer19
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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What does the plumber say to their child after lecturing them?

π˜“π˜¦π˜΅ 𝘡𝘩𝘒𝘡 𝘴π˜ͺ𝘯𝘬 π˜ͺ𝘯...

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iliketurtle98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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What did one Dorito farmer say to the other?

Cool ranch.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OakNLeaf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says .....

"Do you smell fish?"

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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A woman walks into a bar. β€œI’ll have an entendre,” she says to the bartender. β€œMake it a double.”

So he gave it to her.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Ima start spelling weed oui’d cos I can’t say no to it
πŸ‘︎ 373
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shpam-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.

But will she leave me ?

Find out next week.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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I say β€˜Mucho’ to every Spanish person I meet...

Apparently it means a lot to them.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steakfrites88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that little thing?

πŸ‘︎ 323
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nocatmemes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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What does it say on Stephen Hawkin’s tombstone?

Rust in peace.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofySwe776
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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Two horses in a field, one says to the other β€œI’m so hungry, I could eat a horse’

The other replies β€˜mooo’

πŸ‘︎ 314
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80?

Aye, matey

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gl3nnsth3man
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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My 11 year old shared a cool joke. He says...

"I just bought a fridge magnet.... So far I have 14 fridges!"

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byte_marx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.

Because they dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Wife: "My Gynecologist says I can't have sex for 2 weeks."

Husband: "What did the Dentist say?"

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I would like to say a joke on construction

But I am working on it

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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What did Edgar Allan Poe's friends say when he was about to crash into a tree?

Poe a tree!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PMyourself
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the French cat say when it wanted to go outside?

Le meow!

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalahni1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the hacker say in the Sex Ed class?

Hymen

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexOfTheEarth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the penguin's lawyer say?

"Your honor, my client is CLEARLY not a flight risk."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œJust say no to drugs!”

Well if I’m talking to drugs, I’ve probably already said yes.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

πŸ‘︎ 799
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife says I'm useless at fixing electrical appliances.

Well, she's in for a shock .

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
(9 year old daughter tells me) What does a Dalmatian say after it eats dinner?

That hit the spot!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VintageVitaminJ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the stressed out carpenter say about his broken saw?

I can't cope with this.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuriouslySentient
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What did 0 say to 8?

β€œNice Belt”

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1212guy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report

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