People say puns are just bad dad jokes.
I don't think that could be father from the truth.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 15 2019
Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Apr 24 2021
My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Apr 25 2021
What did the Doctor say to the constipated detective?
π︎ 8k
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︎ Apr 06 2021
My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Mar 24 2021
What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?
π︎ 641
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Wife says I wonβt get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
π︎ 25k
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
I identify as a man, my birth certificate says Iβm a man, everybody I know says Iβm a man...
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, Iβm a 4-person family
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
Legend says , he is still 0K.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Mar 10 2021
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"Damn that was a hard drive."
π︎ 252
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︎ Apr 29 2021
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."
The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.
"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."
EDIT The responses here are incredible! π
π︎ 170
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
What did the 0 say to the 8?
π︎ 306
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
Love me love me, say that chu love me
π︎ 91
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︎ Apr 27 2021
What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?
Dead ant, dead ant β¦ dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, DEAD ANNNNT!
π︎ 289
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
My friend tony asked me not to say his name backwards
π︎ 280
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
Wood you say my dog is ok?
π︎ 29
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︎ Apr 15 2021
You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
π︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 21 2021
And all the girlies say Iβm
π︎ 42
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"
"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."
π︎ 695
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"
"That's M'Shell on my back!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
What did the tectonic plate say after bumping into another tectonic plate?
π︎ 19
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︎ Apr 29 2021
My 8 year old just told me this one.. What does the minister say when you marry a computer?
I now pronounce you man and wifi.
π︎ 42
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︎ Apr 25 2021
Mondays what can I say
π︎ 32
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︎ Apr 12 2021
What does the plumber say to their child after lecturing them?
ππ¦π΅ π΅π©π’π΅ π΄πͺπ―π¬ πͺπ―...
π︎ 43
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
What did one Dorito farmer say to the other?
π︎ 57
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says .....
π︎ 27
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︎ Apr 21 2021
A woman walks into a bar. βIβll have an entendre,β she says to the bartender. βMake it a double.β
π︎ 116
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Ima start spelling weed ouiβd cos I canβt say no to it
π︎ 373
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︎ Feb 21 2021
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me ?
Find out next week.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
I say βMuchoβ to every Spanish person I meet...
Apparently it means a lot to them.
π︎ 93
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that little thing?
π︎ 323
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
What does it say on Stephen Hawkinβs tombstone?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
Two horses in a field, one says to the other βIβm so hungry, I could eat a horseβ
The other replies βmoooβ
π︎ 314
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80?
π︎ 33
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︎ Apr 23 2021
My 11 year old shared a cool joke. He says...
"I just bought a fridge magnet.... So far I have 14 fridges!"
π︎ 34
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︎ Apr 17 2021
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
Wife: "My Gynecologist says I can't have sex for 2 weeks."
Husband: "What did the Dentist say?"
π︎ 79
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︎ Apr 02 2021
I would like to say a joke on construction
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 18 2021
What did Edgar Allan Poe's friends say when he was about to crash into a tree?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
What did the French cat say when it wanted to go outside?
π︎ 91
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︎ Apr 05 2021
What did the hacker say in the Sex Ed class?
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 26 2021
What did the penguin's lawyer say?
"Your honor, my client is CLEARLY not a flight risk."
π︎ 18
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︎ Apr 22 2021
βJust say no to drugs!β
Well if Iβm talking to drugs, Iβve probably already said yes.
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 12 2021
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
π︎ 799
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
My wife says I'm useless at fixing electrical appliances.
Well, she's in for a shock .
π︎ 29
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︎ Apr 27 2021
(9 year old daughter tells me) What does a Dalmatian say after it eats dinner?
π︎ 39
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︎ Apr 23 2021
What did the stressed out carpenter say about his broken saw?
π︎ 52
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︎ Apr 08 2021
What did 0 say to 8?
π︎ 56
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︎ Apr 06 2021
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