At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.
They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.
I support free speech
Nobody should have to pay to talk.
Today's the day I bring my Son to weekly speech therapy..
.. easier done than said.
My dad gave a speech at my big sisters wedding.
He had my sister put a hand in, her husband put his hand on top of hers, then she put her other hand over his, then his other hand over hers. Then he told her husband “This is the last time you’ll ever have the upper hand”
Did you see Trump's speech last night?
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.
What do you call a Pokémon with a speech impediment?
Why is sign language more effective than regular speech?
Because actions speak louder than words.
VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.
He said she would be really good at stump speeches.
Why wouldn’t bootleggers work with anyone who had a speech impediment?
What did Mike Bloomberg do after the speech on dropping out of the presidential race?
"Welcome back, everybody" is apparently not a good way to start your speech
if you're the best man at your buddy's second wedding.
My friend with a speech impediment got arrested for drug peddling.
He really made a meth of himself
My father had a stroke last night. While he was in his bed in the ER with slurred speech and half his face paralyzed, the nurse comes in and asks, "So, what brings you here tonight?"
"The ambulance", he says.
When I win the nobel prize, this will be my speech:
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side; my hips, for never lying; my legs, for always supporting me; my fingers and toes, for I can always count on them
Had my best man speech for my best friends wedding yesterday and I finished with a great one
"Well this has been a really emotional day, gosh...even the wedding cake is in tiers." Got lots of heavy sighing, laughs and tons of boos....I was very happy with the reception
- thanks for the upvotes! Never thought I'd see the front page, it's been a pun-ishing wait to get there
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Say what you want about freedom of speech....
I built myself a speech-activated car.
I also have a regular car, but that goes without saying.
You know there’s a name for when parrots mimic human speech
What do you call an old man with a sudden speech impediment?
An Ambulance. Difficulty speaking is a common sign of a stroke.
Why did the college grad mention side walks in his speech?
He thanked them for keeping him off the streets.
Did you hear about the escaped convict with a speech impediment?
He couldn’t finish his sentence.
Why was the janitor fired after he developed insomnia and a speech impediment?
My friend keeps telling me that he goes to speech therapy every week.
[Request] Can I have a dad joke to open my wedding speech? (Groom speaking)
Wedding is on Saturday, in Dorset uk. Requesting joke ideas in exchange for gratitude.
What did the audio engineer do when the sound system failed before a big speech?
I was asked to do a speech at my best friend's wife's funeral.
*goes up on stage*
*walks off towards widow*
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."
I tried doing Dramatic Interpretation in high dchool speech, but I stopped because I hated it.
I now suffer from Post Dramatic Stress Disorder
Edit: school. Damn mobile keyboards!
If you're giving any type of big speech or presentation, you should undo your belt
that way people know you don't buckle under pressure
What do you call a speech bashing smells?
Why did the rapper thank the sidewalk in his acceptance speech?
Because it kept him off the streets.
I can't tell you my views on freedom of speech.
I was asked to deliver the inaugural speech for this health food conference.
Really enjoyed being the quinoa speaker.
My dad said he didn't have to explain text-to-speech
Because it speaks for itself.
I hear Trump's inauguration speech is going to be electrical
It'll generate mega-whats.
Dad made a speech at my wedding. He said this advice to over 300 people...
"Son, if you're going to argue, argue naked".
The reception erupted in claps and roaring laughter. I will remember that advice for the rest of my life.
Thank you dad for that wonderful memory.
Our wedding was so good, and my best mans speech was hilarious
Even the cake was in tiers
(Had to do a half cake day joke)