Should've becareful of your speech
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DefNotInTheOven
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Speech correction is the first item on my...

to-do lisp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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Ah, the classic bubble speech
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerry-cherry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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The man stood up after a rousing speech, took a bow and marched out triumphantly.

He was protesting against violins in schools.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bttrflyr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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The second COVID vaccine causes a speech disorder in Spanish speakers

They keep asking for dose dos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJadedSF
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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Who gave that boring speech, they asked. I admitted it was meh.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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You know how Russia doesn’t like free speech.

They just won’t be Putin up with it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordIggy88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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A child with a speech impediment is dressed as a pirate. A man asks what are you. He says he is a birate. You mean a pirate? Yes a birate. Oh well then where are your buccaneers?

On each side of my buckin head you buckin idiot!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/durangozac
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.

Now I’ll never hear the end of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.

But Samsung anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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I support free speech

Nobody should have to pay to talk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zipped102
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.

They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-kant_even
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Did you see Trump's speech last night?

Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marvin_sirius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Today's the day I bring my Son to weekly speech therapy..

.. easier done than said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.

It speaks for itself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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My dad gave a speech at my big sisters wedding.

He had my sister put a hand in, her husband put his hand on top of hers, then she put her other hand over his, then his other hand over hers. Then he told her husband β€œThis is the last time you’ll ever have the upper hand”

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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What do you call a PokΓ©mon with a speech impediment?

A Heliolisp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bean_boi_2400
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Why is sign language more effective than regular speech?

Because actions speak louder than words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GassyGhoul88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.

He said she would be really good at stump speeches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Why wouldn’t bootleggers work with anyone who had a speech impediment?

It was too whiskey!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeewbsontwitch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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"Welcome back, everybody" is apparently not a good way to start your speech

if you're the best man at your buddy's second wedding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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What did Mike Bloomberg do after the speech on dropping out of the presidential race?

Mic drop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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My father had a stroke last night. While he was in his bed in the ER with slurred speech and half his face paralyzed, the nurse comes in and asks, "So, what brings you here tonight?"

"The ambulance", he says.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPapiC-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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Had my best man speech for my best friends wedding yesterday and I finished with a great one

"Well this has been a really emotional day, gosh...even the wedding cake is in tiers." Got lots of heavy sighing, laughs and tons of boos....I was very happy with the reception

  • thanks for the upvotes! Never thought I'd see the front page, it's been a pun-ishing wait to get there
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinioForza
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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My friend with a speech impediment got arrested for drug peddling.

He really made a meth of himself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lui_Le_Diamond
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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When I win the nobel prize, this will be my speech:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side; my hips, for never lying; my legs, for always supporting me; my fingers and toes, for I can always count on them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dray_son
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Say what you want about freedom of speech....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zzenux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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You know there’s a name for when parrots mimic human speech

It’s called a parroty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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I built myself a speech-activated car.

I also have a regular car, but that goes without saying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...

I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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What do you call an old man with a sudden speech impediment?

An Ambulance. Difficulty speaking is a common sign of a stroke.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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Did you hear about the escaped convict with a speech impediment?

He couldn’t finish his sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frnklfrwsr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Why did the college grad mention side walks in his speech?

He thanked them for keeping him off the streets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShrekuLater
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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My friend keeps telling me that he goes to speech therapy every week.

Easier done than said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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[Request] Can I have a dad joke to open my wedding speech? (Groom speaking)

Wedding is on Saturday, in Dorset uk. Requesting joke ideas in exchange for gratitude.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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Why was the janitor fired after he developed insomnia and a speech impediment?

He couldn't sweep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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What did the audio engineer do when the sound system failed before a big speech?

He found a guest speaker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Red_Mailbox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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I was asked to do a speech at my best friend's wife's funeral.

*goes up on stage*

Me: "Plethora"

*walks off towards widow*
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackthecricketer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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What do you call a speech bashing smells?

A deodor-rant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gruntkiller
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
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I tried doing Dramatic Interpretation in high dchool speech, but I stopped because I hated it.

I now suffer from Post Dramatic Stress Disorder Edit: school. Damn mobile keyboards!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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If you're giving any type of big speech or presentation, you should undo your belt

that way people know you don't buckle under pressure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HardlyNetworking
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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Our wedding was so good, and my best mans speech was hilarious

Even the cake was in tiers

(Had to do a half cake day joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmaz80
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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