You could say my creation is a little device-seive.
Because there‘s a lot of FRICK-tion
Because it's really becoming offensive.
Okay I laughed at myself today at work about it.....
They called it their Pawed Cast.
Unfortunately, I'm surrounded by simple tons.
Let the little shits be someone else’s problem.
It got really deep.
The topic is racism. My mom, sisters, and I are talking about how racism and stereotypes are not the same while my dad just quietly eats his food. We all give some examples of stereotypes for different cultures and how they might have come about. Then there is a break in the conversation.
A break for dad to casually throw in his two cents: "Many stereo types are from Japan."
I can imagine his thoughts before saying it. Oh, I've got one for this. Come on, set me up set me up . . . yes!
Good stuff, dad.
This happened verbatim on Tuesday afternoon.
Discussing emergency surgery on my one month old son with the anesthesiologist. I said:
"I hope you have an alternate method for putting him to sleep. He isn't too good at counting back from 100 yet."
While the doctor got a good chuckle out of that my wife dropped her head into her hands and said "dadjokes. It's too soon for that crap."
It is never too soon for dadjokes!
Yes energy matters, but only if you you divide it by the speed of light squared.
Why are Ball Park hot dogs pricey? They're really not in the same league as Hebrew National or Oscar Meyer.
Sitting around the dinner table the other night...
Little Sister: Belly buttons are weird.
Me: At least you and I have innies, Middle Sister has an outie, gross.
Little Sister: No, she has an innie too!
Little Sister: Dad, does Middle Sister have an innie or an outie?
Dad: ... I thought she had a Mazda...
Me:That's one of my specialties! Yesterday when one of my coworkers playfully hit me with curtains I threatened to have her arrested for assault with a thread-ly weapon.
Her: That's so cheesy, but so gouda.
M: Hearing you say that makes me feel grate!
H: Course! I couldn't just let it brie without returning with a different pun. :)
M: I'm so glad we curd share this moment, it keeps me from feeling bleu.
H: Are you stilton going on about this? It could be seen as a provelone.
M: No Whey! Really? I accepted Cheeses into my life a long time ago.
H: Well, I believe that there is more out there than Cheeses, with your Parmesan I could continue. Too bad I am bread tired, and wish to be loafing around. Good night and sweet dreams
M: Well, early to Bread early to Rise, as they say. You have sweet dreams. Oh, and don't ask Rye if I'm in them
I come home from school, haven't seen her in a month, haven't been trimming my beard lately with finals and all. She complains the first day. By the third day, she looks at me, runs my chin and says, "I guess it's growing on me..."
I just shake my head and said, "no dear, it's growing on me, I haven't shaved."
"We'll I played bass in high school...second base." Referring to his baseball career and obviously the spelling is for context.
"Why are they called right whales"
"Because they all left?", I responded
For some background: Right whales are an endangered species and they are called right whales because they was the right whale to hunt.
EDIT: The reaction of my professor was her dropping her head in embarrassment with a smile. Some groans and laughter were had among the students
Having a discussion about a C cell battery to power our new clock, dad drops this one on us:
"Of course, you know why the little mermaid wears sea shells, right? Because the B- cells are too small and the D shells are too large"
Having a dinner conversation on employment before being asked by my dad what twerking was, when he came out with 'unemployment isn't twerking'
"You know, son, I only have one thing to tell you..."
Thanks, Dad, for this precious bit of advice. .-.
My family was discussing the pros and cons of flavoured water nutritional value
[Mom]: So what is sodium?
[Bro]: Its a salt.
[Dad]: No, that's when a bad guy beats up an old lady.
stunned silence as me and Dad roar with laughter.
Took mom and bro 5 mins to get the joke.... I'm on this thread too much.