If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
My deaf girlfriend just told me that “we need to talk”.
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
I hate people who talk about me behind my back...
Daddy, look! Those turtles are playing piggyback! Son, I was going to wait till you were older for this talk but...
Those are tortoises , not turtles.
So, I’ve been hearing people talk about probiotics and how good they are for you. I don’t buy into it.
I guess you could say that I’m anti-biotic.
Let’s Trash Talk
my pick up is Thursday. how about you?
What’s with all the talk about horny bugs in Washington D.C.?
I keep hearing about the capital insect erection.
Are we going to talk about this oar what?
How do you talk to giants?
What kind of vegetable refuses to talk to you?
Studies have revealed that cows produce much more milk when the farmers talk to them.
It's a case of, in one ear and out of the uddet
My kid wanted to talk to ghosts; we found three guys willing to intervene. One was very tall, one was very short and the other was mid-sized.
I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.
Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?
Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.
Her: What can I do for you?
Me: I'm looking for a date.
Her: Oh, what kind of dates?
Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)
My son thinks I'm so cool for being able to talk like Cookie Monster and Elmo.
I guess you could say I have Sesame Street cred.
What do you call a robber who talks a lot?
Me: talks to my date
My friend, looking at me weirdly: why are you talking to a fucking FRUIT?!
Why do court room stenographers talk loudly?
Because they’re hearing aides!
If you name your daughter Margarita, when she talks back or gets sassy you can say,
"I didn't ask for salt on the rim Margarita!"
A husband and wife were at a marriage counselor. The wife complained, "he only talks about Star Wars! I've had it. I'm leaving him!" The counselor turned to the husband: "well?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "divorce is strong with this one."
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
I had one of the first computers that could talk.....
But this one day, the computer wouldn't stop talking, so I went out and got a Zip drive.
It used to be taboo to talk about plastic surgery.
Now if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
While people are talking about the presidential election, I don't talk immediately, because...
I'm Biden my time, until I can play my Trump card.
Why did no one talk to the Cutless
Because it doesn’t go straight to the point
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
A group of people meet up and eat together every night. But they do not talk about it.
They are part of the bite club
What language do dumpsters talk in?
Trash talk!
(My little brother made this joke, I'm proud of him)
My girlfriend said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture
I said we could table it for now.
I tried to talk to my daughter about her chicken nuggets obsession, it didn't go well.
I absolutely hate people who talk behind my back.
My deaf girlfriend just told me “We need to talk.”
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
If you ever get locked out of your house just talk to the lock.
I hate when people talk about me behind my back.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
If you ever get locked out of the house, just talk to the lock.
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