Argument at family dinner...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
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I was in an argument about what the best kind of bread was

But the conversation went a rye.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TickLikesBombs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
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My brother and I had an argument as to which is the most important vowel.

I won.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
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What did the Eskimo say to the man trying to start an argument with him?

I really don't want to get inuit with you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oliviacharlene
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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I was having an argument with my wife and she said I had a point

I didn't realise we were meant to keep score

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ May 29
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I can’t win arguments against sharp knives

They’ve always got the best points

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCultofLoss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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Arguments are like Beers

They can both be bitter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enagon
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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I’d make an argument for Swiss cheese being the best in the whole world

I’d make an argument for Swiss cheese being the best in the whole world, but it would probably be full of holes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decoolegastdotzip
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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My wife and I had a long argument as to which vowel is the most important.

I think I won.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
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What do you call an argument between two vegans ?

A plant based beef

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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I got into an argument with a friend about what the best medieval weapon was. I said the Warhammer, he said the Mace. It got so heated we are currently not speaking to each other...

Talk about blunt force drama.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimaBahamut93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
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I got into an argument with a stroke victim last night

it was all very one sided.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fucken_druggo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
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Things have been a bit tense with my wife, with both of us stuck in quarantine all the time. We even had an argument about herbs the other day.

To be honest, it was about thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whistlepoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture...

But when I got home, the tables were turned...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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My wife told me she thought we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic.

I told her, "I think you mean fewer".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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I've just had a huge argument with my wife due to being stuck with her in lockdown at home...

Thankfully, it's just an isolated incident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sgtbuckles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
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Flat-earther arguments are always terrible since they're never well-rounded
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAcademy_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
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How the turn tables... (Son and I argument)

Me: Do you think the world just revolves around you?!

Son: Well I am a s(u)n...

Me: ...

Sun: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCrunchyToast2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
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If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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A lawyer and a law maker had been in an argument for several years, escalating into a bet to see who would break the law first. The lawyer then found himself in a trial against the law maker.

The law maker was outlawed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/N1ch0l2s
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
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My wife accused me of trying to win every argument we had...

So I told her why that was wrong.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xakik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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If 90Β° says anything in argument with the other angles, it's always correct.

Cuz it's the only right angle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thats-MEan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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Most people back up their argument by saying: "I read it ...", But what do Redditors say?

I Reddit on Reddit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marracie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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I just had an half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and she won.

So today I’m wearing pants to take her to school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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I finally won an ongoing argument with my wife about Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.

It was about time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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I got into a huge argument with my wife over what kind of bread to order at the Indian restaurant

But it turned out to be a naan issue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PreviousWater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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Thought I won an argument with my wife about how to rearrange our furniture..... reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G0THAMW0RK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Had an argument with my physiotherapist regarding my posture

But now I stand corrected

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sammy_Colon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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If two vegans get in an argument

is it still considered beef?

Told by my 12 year old brother, he got poor reactions from my siblings but I assured him the joke was well done.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/artyboi37
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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I had an argument with my wife in a lift the other day...

I was wrong on so many levels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/338geek
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Why are dads so witty and quick in arguments?

Because they have great response ability.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanjosRuleDude
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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I’ve recently designed a miniature IoT smart kitchen implement for straining vegetables. It’s a source of much discussion and argument between people in the culinary world.

You could say my creation is a little device-seive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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What do you call an argument between two linguist salmon?

Salm-antics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzymilkcactus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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I once won an argument against an amputee.

As it turns out, he didn't have a leg to stand on.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2723brad2723
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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I was having an argument and the other guy went off on a tangent

I said: Hey, man, whats your angle?!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poops-n-farts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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I was having an argument with my wife about who should brew the coffee each morning. She said, β€œYOU should do it because YOU get up first and then we won't have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

I went full sexist pig, β€œYOU'RE in charge of cooking around here woman and YOU should do it, because it's YOUR job and I can just wait for my coffee.”

She replied coldly, β€œNo, YOU should do it and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

I guffawed, β€œI can’t believe that, show me!”

So she fetched the Bible and opened to the New Testament and showed me the top of several pages, that it indeed says, β€œHEBREWS!”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Last night, my wife and I had a long argument about whose turn it is to do laundry.

Finally, I folded.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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What do you call an argument you have while you're high?

Grass fed beef.

Came up with this myself, am proud.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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Split a steak with a friend the other night after having an argument.

He ended up still having a beef with me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/petsarenice
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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What do Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley do after an argument?

They KISS and makeup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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My wife and I got in a big argument over how she wanted to give birth.

It was our first midwife crisis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackMcCracken
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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What do you call an argument between two ticks?

Politicks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/parmisan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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Question: Is an argument between two vegans still a beef?

*copied and pasted directly from a text from my dad

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Rebel_Gal_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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If two vegans have an argument

Is it still called a beef?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimboBazza
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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After a long argument with my boss, I quit my job at the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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I got into an argument with the guy one farm over. He got so mad, he threw a rooster at me...

"Careful now!" I said. "Them's fightin' birds."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator

I was wrong on many levels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xOffthepost
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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I hate arguments on moving stairs

They escalate so quickly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/123ilovetrees
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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When someone on Earth transmits complaints to an astronaut in space, their argument is quickly escalated.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmHumanSoAMA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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if 2 vegans get in a argument is it still "beef"? πŸ€”
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/damononreddit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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My wife and I had this giant argument about which vowel is the most useful.

I won.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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My wife and I had an argument because I spent Β£1000 on a record collection.

It’s my decision and it’s vinyl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/feedmesteak
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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My wife and I were having an argument and you’ll never guess what my cat said when I asked him to back me up.

Leave meow-t of this.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zebrocks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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A husband and a wife got into a heated argument

Both of them are working, but the husband never did house chores and left it all to the wife. It's also the wife who dealt with everything about their children.

One day the wife can't take it anymore and lashed out.

Wife: "I'm tired with work too you know? Why don't you try putting yourself in my shoes?"

Husband: "I can't. Your shoes are too small."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zerio13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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I got in an argument with beauty supplies and now we're not friends anymore.

We just couldn't make up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayraffe51
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away

They always resort to straw man arguments

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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True story: My SO and I got into an minor argument while laying in bed last night. I jokingly exclaimed β€œomg, I literally cannot stand you!”

To which he replied, β€œgood thing you’re laying down”. Ugh.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zestylemonn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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I had an argument with my friend about what the longest river in the world was. He wouldn't believe me that the Amazon river was the second largest river.

He was in De-Nile

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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I had an argument with my friend about his small boat.

We fell out

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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My wife and I had a huge argument as to who is supposed to take care of the laundry after it’s done.

Finally I folded.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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An argument between two vegans is not called a beef...

Just two people with bad tempehs.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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During an argument, my friend accused me of an β€œad homonym” attack.

It’s not what it sounds like.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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Is he a field agent? Does he always make straw-man arguments?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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Solid Argument
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCoder01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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I heard Steve Harvey and his wife got into an intense argument

It was a real Family Feud

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyGuyE
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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A couple was having an argument about leaving some roof trusses exposed when they remodeled their house.

They had some real truss issues.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UsernameExMachina
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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Arguments between P.E. teachers never last long.

They always work it out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXMasterVaderXx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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Did you hear about the two artists getting into an argument over who was the better?

It ended in a draw.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Arguments about the earth don’t last that long.

I guess it’s because they’re β€œbio-debatable.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTCat15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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Wife and I are walking in St. Petersburg and get into an argument whether the precipitation we feel is rain or snow. So we ask the communist officer Rudolph standing next to us.

"Office Rudolph," I ask. "Is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

I turn to my wife. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/panic_monster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
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Had an argument with my wife earlier. We were fighting hammer and tong...

She won, She had the hammer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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How Do You Start An Argument with an Orthopedic Surgeon?

I Have a Bone To Pick With You!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imaveryluckyman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the taxidermist say to the stuffed raccoon during an argument?

What do you know, you’re full of it!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Got into an argument with my wife about whether she was cute or a pain in the mornings.

We settled on acute pain. She now responds to β€œArthritis”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bradensharp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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A laser and a microwave got into an argument about who was better at warming things up.

I heard it got pretty heated.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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My wife and I just had a massive argument about our vacation.

I wanted to go to Cancun.

But she wanted to >!come with me!<

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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I got into an argument with my friend the other day...

He told me that he wanted to become the square root of -1. I said, "Don't be so irrational."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigfatyeetacus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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I finally won an argument with my wife regarding my favorite tea...

I was about thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DandyBeyond
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s pointless to get into an argument about the Adam and Eve creation story versus evolution.

It is comparing apples to origins.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when two nukes have an argument?

A fallout

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeviAEthan512
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
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My wife and I had a long argument about which vowel is the most important.

I think I won.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Split a steak with a friend the other night after having an argument.

He ended up still having a beef with me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/petsarenice
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.

But when I got home, the tables were turned .

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report
If two vegans have an argument

Do they have a beef?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prometheus_Free
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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