It was a knick-knack paddy whack
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Fine. I’m here to dispute 3/5 of my tickets.
They were strike anywhere.
Finally the first farmer had enough and said "stop! You are giving me a mygrain"
Grass-fed beef.
A strike.
They called it a draw
My Dad: Mom and I are disagreeing...is your truck a Chevy or a Dodge?
Me: Haha it's a Dodge, the other two were Chevys
My Dad: Oh, I thought it was a Chevy. Well, orthopedic shoes...
Me: What? Orthopedic shoes???
My Dad: Yes!
Me: What the hell do orthopedic shoes have to do with my truck? Hahaha
My Dad: Orthopedic shoes...I stand corrected!
Me: facepalm and groan
Love you, dad!
Kid 1: They're red!
Kid 2: No, purple!
...
Dad: I'd call it sort of radish-purple.
But they could never start as service was not included.
General Anesthesia always helped put internal disputes to bed.
One says it is raining, the other says it is simply a mist.
To settle their dispute, they stop and ask a guard outside the Kremlin for his opinion.
"Rudolph, please help us with this disagreement! Is it raining, or not?"
Rudolph replies, "It is raining."
"I knew we could depend on you, Comrade. You see," he says to his partner, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
They were arguing about the weather, one thought it was hailing, the other was sure it was rain. To settle their dispute they approached the communist officer, Rudolph. Rudolph settled the score by confirming that it was rain. The man then turns to his wife and says “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear”
My grandparent grew up in the Soviet Union. One cloudy day, as they were walking down the street perception started falling.
My grandmother thought it was snow, while my grandfather thought it was rain.
Their passionate arguing was noticed by the local head of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, a good friend named Rudolph.
After they told him of their dispute, Rudolph stated that it was in fact rain.
With a smile on his face my grandfather turned tp his wife, and said: "You see, Rudolph the Red knows rain dear"
I suggested the male owl was trying to mate with the female. My friend said no, they were probably married and it was a domestic dispute. Our professor said, "maybe someone forgot to pay their owlimony."
[Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to share this with you]
Ok, so technically this was before I knew I was a dad at the time, and it happened a long time ago, so I'm paraphrasing it a bit (have to leave out some details. It's work related lol), but I'm really proud of it.
I was having this workplace dispute with this really snively guy who was being a bit of a prick about some work assignment he was really proud of. Long story short, he was worried about someone else taking credit for something and wanted me to talk to our boss about it for him (What does he think I am lol). Anyway, as I'm walking away I hear him coughing. So I turn around, and with this great big smile on my face, I'm like:
"Don't choke on your aspirations, mate."
Anyway, I thought it was a great line. I was smiling all the way back to my office. I don't know why it came to my mind at that moment, but it wasn't long before I'd meet my kids for the first time in years, and it was really great to reconnect with them.
Anyway, my kids are pretty popular (my son's a school teacher, so I don't want to embarrass him in front of the kids), and my daughter would be mortified to hear a dadjoke this terrible great so I'd appreciate if you didn't mention any details about me in the comments (might spoil their evening lol) it was just a nice little moment.
Anyway, just wanted to share the moment with you guys.
D. [To the mods, I know this is a kind of just a pun, but I thought it was worth posting here. I hope you guys understand.]
It is the first documented case of a knick-knack paddy whack.
