Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it it forever
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ManWithoutNoPlan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.

Some insist on a shirt.

Others insist on a pair of socks.

The argument always ends in a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
We need to discuss your results sir. Please, have a seat.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dufosho
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did your hear about the professors that went to an island resort to discuss research paper titles?

It was a topical vacation

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alecksface
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Essay : discuss the advantages and disadvantages of being an amputee

Well on the one hand it can have a huge psychological impact

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I never discuss my problems with impotence.

For some reason it never comes up.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/customgenitalia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you discuss the differences between Han Solo and Indiana Jones......?

.....Comparison Ford.

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked dad why it makes him so uncomfortable to discuss the possibility of me moving into the garage?

He said "It's too close to home".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Politicians never discuss Indian flatbreads.

They say it's just a naan issue.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshuatx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
🚨︎ report
They wanted to discuss the CAT-astrophic events in Paris youtube.com/watch?v=afPsJ…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoogleCrap
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Batman invited all the superheroes for a discussion on Bitcoin. Superman didn't show up

Because it was Crypto-night

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
We were discussing camp plans for the summer

Aunt 1: "I don't think one pack is enough."

Aunt 2: "But the pack at home has lasted us so long"

Aunt 1: "Let's just take two just in case"

Me: "pack of what?"

Aunt 1: "toilet paper"

Me: "that's what you're worried about??! I thought you're talking about food"

Uncle: "it's a serious tissue"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DewTheCaterpillar
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment: My five year old and I were discussing Halloween candy. I told him I like Kit-Kats.

He picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said β€œKit-Kats are good but these are butter.”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?

They’re pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calm_Fan_381
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The other night at dinner we were discussing the Apple/Hyundai teamup when...

...my oldest asks, "If they make an Apple Car, will it still have windows?"

I was so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iiooiooi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What does Wonder Woman do before she goes to bed?

She puts her pajamazon

πŸ‘︎ 456
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pappajay2001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My young son and I were having our first discussion about drugs. He was curious about why people would do drugs in the first place, and I told him that many people do it because it produces different feelings of euphoria. He asked, "what's euphoria?" I told him that it was hard to explain...

But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wgf5823
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s not a drunk argument

It’s a spirited discussion.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Mad_Man
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t like discussing North and South in polite company.

I find those topics to be quite polarizing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
An elderly inventor was becoming depressed with his life: his hearing was failing, his wife was always nagging him, he hadn't invented anything good in years, and his former good looks had been replaced by wrinkles and sagging skin.

He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.

His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then asks "What on earth is this thing, and how this supposed to help your depression?".

"Honey, the doctor told me working on this should have me feeling better in no time!" replies the man. He then proceeds to describe in detail how the machine cracks eggs, steams them, and flips them out onto a plate in under a minute, all at the touch of a button.

"But what on earth does this have to do with your depression? What did that quack doctor tell you to do?" asks the wife

The man replies: "He told me to work on my self egg-steam".

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My friends and I were discussing about different kinds of alcoholic drinks, and this guy kept talking about a Japanese one

just for the Sake of it

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coconutbunch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I where discussing how certain names will never enter certain cultures. He asked if there was ever a Korean Juan? I said no, but...

There’s a Taiwan.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate people who make fun of my puns behind my back. They discussed me!
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lan_chop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Unintentional dadjoke when discussing the riots

I totally get the rage, I just don't get the Target.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and values.

Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name"!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a board game maker do when discussing their ideas?

They monopolize the conversation

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamayurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A lot of Chinese people enjoy discussing their love of citrus.

They particular like to talk all things Mandarin.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
At a nudist camp a couple were sitting discussing politics.

The lady asked "have you read Marx?"

"Yes" the man replied, "I think they're from the wicker chairs."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
They are discussing bringing in fruit to use against the protesters!

Next wave of enforcement will be Apricops

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosBadger777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Today while discussing game meats and a kangaroo stew I made a few years back, my coworker pointed out that with the Australian wild fires you won’t be able to get much kangaroo meat these days...

My reply without missing a beat β€” you’ll be able to buy it, you just won’t be able to buy it rare.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sockyg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me what procrastinate meant.

I said I'd tell him later

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was talking to a wind turbine last week and we started discussing our favorite music...
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oilspilpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
When discussing my history of eye inflammation at the optometrist, I was advised to look up information on conjunctivitis.com.

It's a site for sore eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My sister and i were discussing team trees and
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
In a conversation with a coworker discussing lunch plans. I exhaled through my nose.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_eazy_life
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a T-Rex feel after working out?

Kindasoar.

Boyfriend told me this after we discussed our workout today πŸ₯²

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MinxKitty
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the psychiatrist because I keep acting like a dog.

Doc: lie down on the couch and we’ll discuss this.

Me: I’m not allowed on the couch.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Was discussing groceries with my parents earlier tonight when my mom declared (of my dad), "he buys cereal then never eats it!"

I immediately interjected, "Wait: Are you saying dad is a cereal offenderβ€½"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riskable
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a problem. My wife steals animals from the zoo and hides them in our house.

I tried to bring it up but she didn't want to discuss the elephant in the room.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Therapists only care about one thing

And it’s fu*king discussing

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scooby_dyver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a dirty story about a couple of chickens in a motel room...

It's just two fowl to discuss

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpatil1982
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Discussing genders with my friend...
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ton3_deff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I absolutely hate people who talk behind my back.

They discussed me.

πŸ‘︎ 433
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate people who talk about me behind my back...

They discussed me.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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