My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: β€œSure, my door is always open.”

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?

Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgrl2494
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Are we going to talk about this oar what?
πŸ‘︎ 621
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πŸ‘€︎ u/olivercloseoff80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A husband and wife were at a marriage counselor. The wife complained, "he only talks about Star Wars! I've had it. I'm leaving him!" The counselor turned to the husband: "well?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "divorce is strong with this one."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
It used to be taboo to talk about plastic surgery.

Now if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate when people talk about me behind my back.

They discussed me.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnamflah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A group of people meet up and eat together every night. But they do not talk about it.

They are part of the bite club

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legend_1_am
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
While people are talking about the presidential election, I don't talk immediately, because...

I'm Biden my time, until I can play my Trump card.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture

I said we could table it for now.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoDeNguyen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to talk to my friend about the Hobbit

but he had no idea what I was Tolkien about!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/indianajstn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I always thought it was weird that no one talks about demons in Africa.

Then I remembered-they bless the rains down in Africa.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_kermit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s weird- I can’t help but talk about footwear every time I sneeze.

ah...Ah...AH-SHOE!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Finally decided to talk to my therapist about my fear of Mexican food.

Took me a long time to finally be able to taco bout it. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to talk to my daughter about her chicken nuggets obsession, it didn't go well.

It was a tender subject.

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Everybody talks about the dark side of Reddit

I can't seem to find it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aok76
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally trod on a beaker of acid while giving a talk about work safety...

After that I didnt have a leg to stand on

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m getting tired of listening to my military friend talk about using UAVs...

He just drones on and on.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone talks about Saudi's expensive tastes

And Shia's cheap thrills

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I am reluctant to talk about my chain-link strainer.

Someone might think it is a fence sieve.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I've heard so much about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one talks about…

…the other four letters?

πŸ‘︎ 575
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does school talk about triangles so much?

Some people don't get the point.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatGamerAgain_YT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly

They call her Cagey B.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it

F art

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doorbell28
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget who could talk to the dead that was running from the police?

He was a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two friends named Doug that got in a fight and don’t talk anymore?

Now they’re both Doug-less

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skagbaronkris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When I want to talk with people I just met I talk to them about climate change

I find that it's a great ice breaker

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
It's hard to talk my kids about sex

It's a pretty touchy subject

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VideoGameAdict100
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
You should never talk about the Titanic on a first date...

It's a terrible Icebreaker

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crimson37x
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I need to talk with someone about what I should do with my urge to buy woodshop grippers...

I need vise vice advice.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.

It was the elephant in the womb.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgri0b
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm an arborist, but my wife hates it when I talk about forestry.

I feel like I can't boreal with her.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Police: We need to talk to your son about the fire at your neighbor's place

Dad: Do you mean arson?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaushik_220601
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife has gotten into being a furry and it's all she talks about!

She's become un-bear-able.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t catholic priest talk about molestation in the church?

It’s a touchy subject.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dose172
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone braging about big Dicks, well I have a medium Dick, it can talk to ghosts
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjaguarr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is nervous about having to talk to strangers on a cruise we are about to take.

I said, β€œDon’t worry. We are all in the same boat.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I talk a lot about incontinency

I just can't hold it in.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joicseth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
All this talk about Australia...

Is spreading like wildfire.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackeyeThe2nd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate when people talk about humility!

The only time I experience humility is when I get in my hot car and it feels hard to breathe!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTimeDictator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an addiction to unpowered flight puns, but I don't like to talk about it.

It's a soar subject.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked if it was ethical to talk about brains

They told me it was a gray area.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend used to sincerely talk about the works of Hemingway...

He was Ernest.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to know a guy who was all about getting his waffle in the morning. That's all he'd talk about! He'd even take people's toast out of the toaster and put in his waffles.

He's such an Eggo-maniac

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My parents don’t talk about foreplay in front of me

They say it’s a touchy subject

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowPan69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a lot of talk about zamboni driver David Ayres getting a once-in-a-lifetime win, but I don't think we've seen the last of him in the NHL. /r/hockey/comments/f8c0jh…
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jchurch8073
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I once put a list of symbols on a map and everyone still talks about it.

It's a legend.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried out a weight watchers group therapy session but no one would talk about their experiences.

There were just too many elephants in the room

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, "My door is always open".

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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