How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for fresh prints
How often do pirate attacks occur?
I HATE HOW FUNERALS ARE ALWAYS AT 9AM
I'm not really a mourning person 😔
I asked my grandpa, “How are you enjoying the new stair lift?”
Grandpa: I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.
Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
Boss: How's that new glue?
How many mexicans does it need to change a light bulb ?
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
How does a computer get drunk?
This is how you make neon geen.
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
How do ghost listen to music?
How often do I like jokes about chemistry?
From my 8 year old: Dad, how do camels hide from predators?
Me: Their fur is the same color as the desert so they blend in.
Her: Exactly! They camel-flage!
I walked right into that one lol
How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?
If anyone has a suggestion on how to reverse the spell that turned me into corn...
How did Vader feel before he took his jedi test?
Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife, "How do you spell Hawaii?" Glancing at what he wrote, she replied, "You need two i’s."
Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isn’t it!?"
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux
How often does a chemist tell a joke about elements?
How much does a chimney cost?
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
I watched a documentary on how they built the Golden Gate Bridge.
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)
You buy it from the cat-alogue
How does Moses make coffee?
How did the grammar nazi die?
They got semicolon cancer.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
How can tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile
It’s how they say goodbye !!
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in. My 7yr old daughter just told me this, so proud!
Waiter : "How would you like your steak cooked"?
Me : "Take a guess"
Waiter : "Medium rare"?
Me : "Well done"
Waiter : "umm, huh"???
How do you call a country where everyone discriminates each other?
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Want to know how dead you are ?
Just put a % sign after your age.
How does a penguin build its house?
How does someone become a conductor?
How does the moon cut his hair?
How do you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
How many swords do you have?
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
You'll laugh at almost anything, but when I joke about how a noisy animal has become a synonym for silence...
How does 11+11 equal the same as 10+10?
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...
A cow and an ox fell into a pit of despair, the cow says "How long do you think we'll be down here?" The Ox says "Once you moove over"
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