It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
Passing that could not have been pleasant
My five yo son asked how he could spell pier...
So I said "it depends on which pier you mean. Can you use it in a sentence?"
His reply: "Yes. How do you spell pier?"
I asked my kids if they could come up with a word that had 3 letters of the alphabet in a row?
My daughter asked if I could braid her hair and the result was
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My dad always told me that I could be any person I want. But the FBI disagreed with this.
Apparently identity theft is a crime.
Not sure if this could be considered a dad joke but...
Today my 8yo daughter told me, after trying unsuccessfully to dodge a few eggs falling to her head from the fridge,
"Well this was certainly a traumatic eggs-perience"
If we have the show "X-Files", Chris Hanson's "To Catch a Predator" could be called "Pedo-Files".
I'm sure he could pull it off
- Did you hear Thor's brother performed at the drag festival?
- No, I did not. How was it?
- It was pretty low-key.
[META] Could we get some moderation in this sub?
In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?
PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.
I could never date a woman wearing makeup all the time.
They'd think something was wrong with me.
My dad was a midget, but I could never beat him in a race.
No matter how fast I ran, he was always a little father.
I went to the local video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever
They said no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow
You could say that a woman wearing iron armor is a female wearing a... fe mail
If they cloned the Dodo that could be considered a re-Dodo.
When I was little my mom told me I could be anything I want to be...
Turns out identity theft is a crime.
Have y'all ever heard about the Spanish dog who could bark the word yes?
No one could figure out who set the Cathedral of Notre Dame on fire..
... But Quasimodo had a hunch.
"Fool me once - I'm mad. Fool me twice - How could you? Fool me three times - You're officially that guy, okay?"
As a kid I could walk into a store with a dollar and come out with 2 candy bars and a bag of chips
And now they have cameras.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Could you put the oven on please?
Okay, but it might not suit me!
Apple's latest "idevice" could usher in a new wave of movie and software piracy.
They are calling it the iPatch.
My daughter asked if she could learn how to sing in school.
I saw a horror movie about people you could not stop sneezing until they died.
It's based on achoo story.
My daughter asked me if trees could walk...
I said yes, the just uproot and leaf.
My wife asked me if I could sing all the songs from the Shrek soundtrack. I said "No, just some."
"... BODY once told me..."
I could tell you a Covid joke...
But it would take 3 days for you to get it.
Two horses in a field, one says to the other “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse’
Two fishermen were having a contest to see who could make the most knots with a length of rope
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
Someone baked my sword! It made me so angry!! I guess you could say...
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
I was trying to create a super soldier in my lab, but I accidentally created a very thin man who could tell the future.
At least I was still able to make a slight prophet.
The Franciscan priest left the monastery to start a flower shop, but before he could open, a flock of sheep in the village got loose and trampled him to death.
Only ewes can prevent florist friars.
My friend asked me if we could end lunch after I was done my sandwich. I took one more bite and then said...
"Actually, that's a wrap!"
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
But she was wrong. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
There was once a man who could untie any knot.
They called him the Knotcracker.
The other day a cowboy stopped by our house and asked my Dad if he could help him round up 18 cows.
"Sure thing, pardner. That's 20 cows," says Dad.
I had a rooster that could count once...
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I once had a chicken that could count her eggs...
I named her Countchickula
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filling with tears. "Great!" I said.
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
A lot of conflicts in the Wild West could have been avoided....
....had the Cowboy architects just made their towns big enough for everyone.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
