Did you hear about the clown who was sacked from the circus?

He’s suing for funfair dismissal.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
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Sick of everyone’s swiney comments about my ring
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ‘€︎ u/FermentToBee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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Harvard University just ran a study proving 74% of the countries have flawed dams and it was dismissed

because it didnt hold water

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/amigodojaspion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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A clumsy employee knocked over his boss’s coffee cans and wasted all his coffee.

It was grounds for dismissal!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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My dad's clever dismissal of one of my pipe dreams

Me: "Hey dad, I think I would like to teach abroad one day. What do you think?"

Dad: "Why? We got a broad right here!"

[Points at my mother]

Dad: "She's got a lot to learn too."

πŸ‘︎ 449
πŸ‘€︎ u/teendream
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.

It was used as grounds for dismissal.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/turbodeeznuts
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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The Monk and The Cow

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.


The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.


Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What’s the name of the contract organ donors have to sign

ORGANized dismissal

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/ROLLTIDE2006
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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A chef cut himself and went to the emergency room...

The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.

"Fine then. Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Asked my boss how her morning was going.

Me: Hey boss how's the morning going?

Boss: Good except I just dropped coffee all over the floor.

Me: You know, that's not why they're called coffee grounds.

Boss: Glaring Intensifies

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/paisano66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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So a group of nuns is golfing near some men

A man swings his club and fails to hit the ball.

Man: God damnit, I missed.

A nun shakes her head in disapproval. The man swings again and misses yet again

Man: Damnit, I missed again!

Nun: Sir, if you keep on swearing like that, you're gonna go to hell.

The man then laughs and dismisses the nun's comment. He makes one more attempt at hitting the ball, but to no avail.

Man: God fucking damnit!

The sky then goes dark, a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and you can hear a thundery voice say, "God damnit, I missed."

πŸ‘︎ 416
πŸ‘€︎ u/FroYo10101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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If you work for Starbucks, and are caught stealing beans...

It's grounds for dismissal.

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ‘€︎ u/ponderingfox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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My friend told me someone died choking on a sandwich

The first thing I asked was if it was chicken or turkey, because we can't dismiss fowl play.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ‘€︎ u/rahulabon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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I got sued once... the plaintiff brought in a rabbit as his key witness...

The judge dismissed it as hare say.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Best joke of my life (kinda)

So at my school, we had a pipe burst.

Joke at the end of you want to skip

Now it's pretty normal in the midwest, where I live, to have this thing. It started with the fire alarm going off, because of the pressure decrease, and the school was evacuated. We were all eventually brought back, for it was cold. We sat in our gym for AN HOUR before being dismissed back to our classes.

So it's near the end of the day and I have gym class. And I'm having your normal conversation with a friend about the school's financial problems. And we were just talking about how the school is going to have to pay so much money for the new pipe and the ceiling tiles and the cleaning etc.

And then it was my moment to shine.

So the conversation is almost over and the friend says,

"It'll be a while before normal funds go back".

And I just say this:

"Yeah man, the school's money is going down the drain".

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourRoyalF0xy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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I just won a case against the carnival who fired me.

For funfair dismissal.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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In my town, there was a court case between a husband and wife about who owned an outdoor storage building.

In the end, the judge dismissed it because the only evidence was "he shed, she shed".

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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My mate Brian just got fired from his job running the dodgem cars.

He's going to sue for funfair dismissal

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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I was fired from my job tending to the Ferris wheel without any explanation

It was a funfair dismissal

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Cleaning out the french press is...

grounds for dismissal.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/N-Slash
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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As the judge cleaned out her coffee maker, she boldly declared...

"These are grounds for dismissal."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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Like a demonic possession, this joke took a hold of me this morning and would not let go. I'm sorry.

The CIA had changed its recruiting practices, what with all the recent leaks and other problems. So Mr. Johnson was more than a little surprised to see a pine tree, which was dressed in a rather nice suit, waiting outside his office when he arrived at 9 am. He asked his secretary, "Gladys, who is this?"

"Mr. Johnson, this is Mr. Cone, our newest hire. He wanted to talk with you about the Honduras assignment."

Mr. Johnson spoke to Mr. Cone in his office. His new pine tree colleague was very knowledgeable and well-spoken, but there was something about him that threw Mr. Johnson off. He tried to dismiss his concerns as imaginary, but it gnawed at him all through the morning. He barely touched his lunch, as some of the things Mr. Cone had said were still swirling around and around in his mind. He was sure something was wrong, so he went in to see the head of their office branch, Mr. Smith.

"Johnson! Come right in, come right in," said Mr. Smith, puffing on a cigar. Mr. Johnson poured himself a tumbler of whiskey and sipped at it nervously.

"You're being rather quiet today, Johnson. Tell me, what's troubling you?"

"It's just this new guy, Mr. Cone," Mr. Johnson said carefully, staring at the bottom of his whiskey glass. "Are we sure we know him as well as we think we do?"

Mr. Smith took only a small puff from his cigar before letting his hand rest back on his desk. "Now really, Johnson," he sighed, "you're a good agent. Your caution has served you well in the past, but paranoia doesn't look so good on you. Mr. Cone has the most impressive resumΓ© I've seen come across my desk in the last fifteen years. I've personally had him vetted by the best men in the business. He's going to be an asset to this office."

That was the response Mr. Johnson had been afraid of getting, but he continued to press his cause. "I understand that, sir. It's just that I'm getting the strangest feeling from this Cone fellow. Don't you think he's a little too perfect? A little too well-qualified?"

Mr. Smith stopped smoking his cigar altogether. A distant look came into his eyes as he mulled over the possibilities. "You don't suppose--"

"Yes," said Mr. Johnson, "I think he's a plant."

Note: I'm a mom, not a dad, but I'm pretty sure I only thought of this because my father-in-law tortures me with these kinds of stories almost constantly.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Larny-Arny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
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I got dadjoked by my Spanish class this morning.

So, I teach Spanish at a small liberal arts college in the Carolinas. This morning my basic Spanish class was going over a reading comprehension exercise about a clothing store called "Corona." Corona means 'crown' in English. The ad had all kinds of words dealing with royalty, kings, and so on in it, and I wanted to go over the double meanings. So, to start, I asked them, "ΒΏCΓ³mo se dice 'corona' en inglΓ©s?" To a student, they all answered, "Beer."

I groaned and dismissed them five minutes early so I could laugh without them seeing me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2014
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Back in my school days:

  • Me asking teacher; May I please be dismissed a few minutes early to take the next bus?
  • Teacher; Yeah, I don't want it, so go ahead.

That made me giggle a bit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/plaank
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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My 6th grade teacher was the king of dad jokes.

My 6th grade teacher had a reputation of being the meanest, strictest teacher on campus, but once I made it through his class, I realized he could be a jokester, too.

-In math class, he liked to tell a long, complicated story about a boy encountering a genie, eventually wishing for some odd things, just to end it with the punchline, "Gee, I'm a tree." (geometry)

-Another one of his long jokes consisted of a man being chased by a hearse. In a fit of desperation, he throws some Halls throat lozenges at it...."and the coffin went away."

-During study time, he would sometimes grab a balloon from his desk, blow it up, and proceed to slowly let air out of it, just to produce the squeaky noise.

-His favorite short joke: "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places!" "I advise you to stay out of those places."

-He was also probably the all-time leader of correcting, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

-He would also occasionally play opera music at the end of the day, not dismissing the class until we made it through an entire song without laughing.

-There were also a couple words that incited a specific reaction from him. Many of these words showed up often in history class, which is his favorite subject (probably because of all the jokes):

Anyway, it was a fun year with that teacher. I'll add more of his quirks if I think of any.


... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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My tenth grade history teacher was definitely a Dad.

It was the end of class. Before dismissing us, he informs us that we won't be having class the next day and will instead be going to the gymnasium for an assembly. When the bell rang, as everyone was leaving class, I went to his desk and asked what the assembly was supposed to be about. His Response:

"I'm just a mushroom." ...awkward pause, stare... "I live in the dark and people drop crap on me."

I wasn't really sure how to react to that. With a confused look on my face, I just turned around and walked out the door. I'm still not sure if that was a dad joke or the musings of a bitter old man. Maybe both. I don't know, it just seems like it belongs here, if only for the sheer awkwardness of it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/thenfreak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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