Discount Dad Joke
I have a coupon tattooed on my arm that I scan every time I buy groceries.
Some people give me dirty looks, but then I redeem myself.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
π︎ 579
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
What is it called when you get a discount on explosives?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
I'm opening a steel mill that also sells the steel for a discount
It's called He Who Smelt it Dealt it
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
Should crematoriums give discounts...
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 16 2020
There's a discount to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin.
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
π︎ 23
π
︎ May 20 2020
I got my first senior discount at the seafood restaurant last night.
It smelled good but it tasted like caarp.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
I bought a discount bed sheet off of Facebook.
Turned out to be a sham...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 01 2020
Sign at the entrance to the car park of our local Lidl (discount supermarket)
π︎ 52
π
︎ Feb 23 2019
I donβt know why people arenβt purchasing my discount marionettes!
There are no strings attached!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 14 2019
I'm planning on starting a discount amputation clinic
I'm gonna call it Half Off For Half Off
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 30 2019
I asked my personal trainer to give me a discount...
He said I'll try to stretch your money
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 14 2019
Did you hear about the LASIK patient that ended up getting an unexpected two for one discount on their surgery?
It was an eye deal situation
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 13 2019
Its bloody cold today just had to use my Companyβs staff discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen.
Still only managed to get 10% off....
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jan 31 2019
There was an amazing discount on canoes at Dick' s sporting goods.
It was quite the oar deal.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 13 2019
I couldnβt find my car scraper this morning so I had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice
It didnβt really work though, only got 20% off
π︎ 46
π
︎ Feb 03 2019
What discount website/app do fish use for cheaper goods?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
Have you heard about the new discount airline, Scavenger Air?
They only allow carrion bags.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 07 2019
Did you hear that the discount hitman, Arthur, struck again at Safeway?
Yep. The headline read βArty chokes two for a dollar at local supermarket!β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 09 2019
The boat shop was having a huge discount on all their Galleons and Brigantines for Black Friday this year.
It was the biggest sail event theyβve ever had.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 24 2018
If you had to pay for reddit and were offered a discount on a subscription bundle to r/funny, r/comedycemetry and r/jokes
Would that be a cents off humour failure?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 29 2018
I got the tickets to a talk show, organised by a group of robbers, at a heavy discount
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 28 2019
I asked the manager for a family discount and he said "Sir, I don't even know you."
I said "I know that, but I have a family."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 17 2018
I Wanna Open a Discount Grocery Store Where Everything Expires In a Week...
...gonna call it Best By.
π︎ 82
π
︎ Jan 05 2018
Too late I realized the new jar of discount mayonnaise felt light. When I opened it up the pristine surface collapsed into a large air pocket.
Yes it was a sinkhole de mayo.
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 11 2018
Frodo always gets the best discounts at JCPenney
Probably because he has the one ring to rule the mall.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 07 2018
At the coffee shop they sell day old pastries at a discount
My dad asked if he could get an additional discount since they are now year old pastries.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jan 01 2018
I work in a bar. Today a lady looked at our wine list, bad-mouthed the soil the grapes grew in, and tried to get us to discount her bill.
I said, "You pay full price, ma'am. We don't negotiate with terroirists."
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 30 2018
Despicable Me toys for sale. Huge discounts.
Just head over to Gru Pawn.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 28 2017
Got my wife looking at discount Valentine's Day candy
Wife: "How much are kisses?"
Me: "Kisses are free!"
kisses wife
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 18 2016
Did you know that ShakespearΔ once sold off-season discount camping supplies?
It was the winter of his discount tents.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 17 2017
I just bought a bunch of Steve Martin movies in bulk at a discount.
I guess he really is cheaper by the dozen.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 19 2014
I couldnβt find my car scraper this morning so had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice...
Didnβt really work though, I only got 20% off
π︎ 50
π
︎ Feb 02 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
