Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
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︎ Jan 15 2021
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
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︎ Jan 11 2021
Bought some discounted Harry Potter DVDs...
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︎ Sep 19 2020
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
I'm opening a steel mill that also sells the steel for a discount
It's called He Who Smelt it Dealt it
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︎ Jul 21 2020
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︎ Jul 20 2020
Should crematoriums give discounts...
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︎ May 16 2020
There's a discount to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin.
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
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︎ May 20 2020
I got my first senior discount at the seafood restaurant last night.
It smelled good but it tasted like caarp.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
I bought a discount bed sheet off of Facebook.
Turned out to be a sham...
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︎ Jun 01 2020
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.
Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head
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︎ May 09 2020
Yesterday I bought two boats at an amazing price. Heavily discounted because they didn't have motors.
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Sign at the entrance to the car park of our local Lidl (discount supermarket)
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︎ Feb 23 2019
I donβt know why people arenβt purchasing my discount marionettes!
There are no strings attached!
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︎ Dec 14 2019
I'm planning on starting a discount amputation clinic
I'm gonna call it Half Off For Half Off
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︎ Oct 30 2019
How do you like my new pickup line?
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︎ Oct 10 2019
My cheap noble challenged the election results.
It was a discount viscount recount.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
Its bloody cold today just had to use my Companyβs staff discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen.
Still only managed to get 10% off....
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︎ Jan 31 2019
I asked my personal trainer to give me a discount...
He said I'll try to stretch your money
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︎ Jul 14 2019
What discount website/app do fish use for cheaper goods?
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︎ Aug 06 2019
Did you hear about the LASIK patient that ended up getting an unexpected two for one discount on their surgery?
It was an eye deal situation
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︎ Mar 13 2019
There was an amazing discount on canoes at Dick' s sporting goods.
It was quite the oar deal.
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︎ Apr 13 2019
I taught my daughter what the word bargain meant...
She said, βThanks dad, that means a great deal.β
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︎ Apr 30 2020
I couldnβt find my car scraper this morning so had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice...
Didnβt really work though, I only got 20% off
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︎ Feb 02 2019
What did the wizard get at the shop?
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Have you heard about the new discount airline, Scavenger Air?
They only allow carrion bags.
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︎ Feb 07 2019
Did you hear that the discount hitman, Arthur, struck again at Safeway?
Yep. The headline read βArty chokes two for a dollar at local supermarket!β
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︎ Jan 09 2019
The boat shop was having a huge discount on all their Galleons and Brigantines for Black Friday this year.
It was the biggest sail event theyβve ever had.
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︎ Nov 24 2018
I got the tickets to a talk show, organised by a group of robbers, at a heavy discount
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︎ Feb 28 2019
If you had to pay for reddit and were offered a discount on a subscription bundle to r/funny, r/comedycemetry and r/jokes
Would that be a cents off humour failure?
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︎ Apr 29 2018
I asked the manager for a family discount and he said "Sir, I don't even know you."
I said "I know that, but I have a family."
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︎ Nov 17 2018
I Wanna Open a Discount Grocery Store Where Everything Expires In a Week...
...gonna call it Best By.
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︎ Jan 05 2018
Too late I realized the new jar of discount mayonnaise felt light. When I opened it up the pristine surface collapsed into a large air pocket.
Yes it was a sinkhole de mayo.
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︎ May 11 2018
Frodo always gets the best discounts at JCPenney
Probably because he has the one ring to rule the mall.
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︎ Oct 07 2018
The leader of a small settlement had a good life
People were greeting him on the street and were willing to help him when needed. He was respected. He was not waiting in line at the supermarket. He had discounts to all shops he visited. He even had priority in choosing which girl to spend the night with..
However, soon more people started coming to that place. The settlement became bigger, more like a village. The newcomers actually did not care that much about the leader. He was slowly becoming more irrelevant, more equal to everyone else.
He had lost his pre-village.
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Why did the athlete buy discounted protein?
Because it was whey cheaper
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︎ Jun 06 2018
At the coffee shop they sell day old pastries at a discount
My dad asked if he could get an additional discount since they are now year old pastries.
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︎ Jan 01 2018
They are having a fruitful conversation.
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︎ May 21 2018
I work in a bar. Today a lady looked at our wine list, bad-mouthed the soil the grapes grew in, and tried to get us to discount her bill.
I said, "You pay full price, ma'am. We don't negotiate with terroirists."
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︎ May 30 2018
The local diner charges Hispanic men less than everyone else.
They call it the seΓ±or citizensβ discount.
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︎ Jun 30 2020
Despicable Me toys for sale. Huge discounts.
Just head over to Gru Pawn.
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︎ Jan 28 2017
Got my wife looking at discount Valentine's Day candy
Wife: "How much are kisses?"
Me: "Kisses are free!"
kisses wife
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︎ Feb 18 2016
Did you know that ShakespearΔ once sold off-season discount camping supplies?
It was the winter of his discount tents.
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︎ Apr 17 2017
I got an arm transplant at a great price yesterday.
It was discounted at the second hand store.
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︎ Mar 11 2020
My hometown is currently having a sale where all the shops put merchandise on the sidewalk at discounted prices
Me: Oh look, the sidewalk sale is this weekend.
Dad: Why would anyone come into town just to buy a sidewalk?
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︎ Jul 17 2014
I just bought a bunch of Steve Martin movies in bulk at a discount.
I guess he really is cheaper by the dozen.
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︎ Jan 19 2014
I'm starting a discount amputation clinic.
I'm calling it Half Off For Half Off.
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︎ Oct 28 2019
I couldnβt find my car scraper this morning so I had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice
It didnβt really work though, only got 20% off
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︎ Feb 03 2019
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