Son: What does bargain mean?

Dad: Well, it means a great deal, actually…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
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When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain

Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Had a bargain on eBay today, brought a 65inch HD TV for Β£5, the only issue is the volume button doesnt work.

I thought, I cant turn that down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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I taught my daughter what the word bargain meant...

She said, β€œThanks dad, that means a great deal.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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I bought my wife and I a set of bargain brand walkie talkies.

She didn't receive it very well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyPineapple77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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I was driving around town when I saw that a big bargain sale was going on in my favorite store.

I instantly stopped the car and entered the store.

Unfortunately for me, a cop saw me doing this and arrested me on the spot.

He charged me with braking and entering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Last night, I explained to my son what the word β€œbargain” means.

I think it meant a great deal to him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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I tried to bargain the walking boots down to $5 for the pair.

The shop owner told me to take a hike.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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I tried to bargain with the grim reaper but he couldn't hear me

Apparently he's death

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alt_Alpha9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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The nicest thing you could ever do for someone is define the word "bargain".

It means a great deal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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I struck a bargain today.

I punched a 2 For 1 poster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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Jerry Seinfeld keeps looking for bargains.

What’s the deal with that?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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Found a bargain, BOGO for paddles

It was an oar deal.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2017
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I bought a wig for only 25 cents!

It was a small price toupee

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πŸ“…︎ May 26
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A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow:

Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Plethora."

The widow replies: β€œThanks that means a lot.”

And another:

Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain."

The widow replies: β€œThanks that means a great deal.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tronkfool
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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How do strippers decide on collective bargaining rights?

They take a poll...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markstache
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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This is a little Strange.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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What do you call a fried potato who is being held hostage?

A bargaining chip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndGall
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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My son asked me "What to pirates drive?"

Me: They drive a H-arrr-d bargain!

Son: No daddy, they drive a ship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talorn_Celeron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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When asked where his two new brooms were from, Harry Potter replied:

From the bargain store down on Diagon Alley, they were a Quidditch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Knock knock

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Door mom.

Door mom who?

Door mom who, I've come to bargain.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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My brother lost a brief argument to a dad joke.

Bro: A bike's the only thing you can drive without a license.

Dad: That's not true. What about a hard bargain?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude_Dudeman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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A List of Puns (and other excuses for good humor)

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U2BURR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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[Long] a brush with death

Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.

The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.

The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".

"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.

"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."

The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."

The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"

The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."

The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"

The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minute of brushing each, then we decide."

"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.

Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper gr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan-44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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mum came home with pasta

My mum was so happy that she got a great bargain on pasta from the shop.

So I had to follow up with, yeh you couldnt go pasta deal like that.

insert canned laughter from me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silly-bowser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
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Got my wife at the mall

And she was a real bargain!

But seriously folks. My wife and I were walking at a mall, around closing time for most stores. She noticed and commented that there was a Kay Jewellers, but being that they were closed, those security wall things were down. I said it was more like a Cage Jewellers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
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I taught my daughter what bargain meant.

She said: "Thanks dad, that means a great deal."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReimGrad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.

"Bargain" the man says.

"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftfrom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
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A man goes to a funeral..

And asks the widow - "mind if I say a word"? The widow says - "yes, please do" The man steps up, clears his throat and exclaims "bargain"! The widow tears up and says "thank you. That means a great deal"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunarsee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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